By Their Smells You Shall Know Them…

By Their Smells You Shall Know Them…

It’s amazing how the smell or scent coming from a person can create a strong perception of that person. It doesn’t matter where it’s emanating from. As long as you can perceive a certain smell when the person happens to pass by, it can end up shaping your thoughts or opinions towards him or her.

But then I’d like to categorize smells. There are two divisions; the scent and the stink.

Simply put, the scent is the pleasant one while the stink is the disgusting or unpleasant one. And when I think of it, I now understand the important role perfumes and deodorants play in our lives.

When a good perfume or deodorant hits your nose coming from a person, there’s this kind of high regard for the person, especially if it’s someone you’re meeting for the first time or someone who is always wearing perfumes in your office. Your regard may be that of respect for the person’s choice of scent, class of choice, or the person’s realization of the need to smell good.
But just as a good scent can create a good perception, a serious stink can kill it; especially if the person is what I call a ‘smell paradox.’

I’ve come across ‘smell paradoxes’ and it was a disheartening experience because the persons in questions had the good works – looks, poise, dress sense and all.

And what’s the smell paradox? Having a scent and a stink at the same time!

They wore a nice perfume or deodorant but forgot to take care of their breath, reeking feet, etc. Sometimes it’s not deliberate. I have female friends who love to eat good stuff (you know how some ladies can be sweet tooths with all the craving for chocolate and sweet junk) but they fail to realize that after eating these things, sediments get stuck in their mouths and in a short while begins to smell badly. Thus the lady comes around you and you sniff her scent with pleasure but when she opens her mouth to speak, you hold your breath in hidden disgust!

Don’t get me wrong, guys are not excluded in this case. They are most times guilty of the stink.

These are the accidental stinks. Then there are the permanent ones which range from bad body odour to halitosis. Permit me not to go there as long as there are prescribed remedies to right those.

I think it makes sense if one tries to control his smells and ensure they don’t go out of control – like a brother-in-law of mine whom I always chastise to stop wearing the same boxers for more than a day because he generates a stink in them that can make your skin cringe. Or taking time to drink enough water or rinse your mouth properly (with water and not soft drink!) after consuming a heavy meal of ‘fufu’ and ‘ogbono’ soup or wolfing down a box of chocolates or exotic snacks. And what about the individual that sweats a lot? Be sure to control your hygiene or you end up smelling like ‘stale palm wine’ or something rotten.

I remember back in the University when I was in my second year. I was in my room with my roommates when there was a knock on the door. We responded and two ladies came in to preach the gospel of salvation to us. They would have made so much sense that day if not for the stink. I didn’t identify it on time since different smells were in the air till they left and one of my roomies raised the issue.

‘Guys…did you notice the smell when those ladies came here?’

We acknowledged that there had been a smell. He dropped the bomb.

‘That my friends…was the smell of p***y!’

We were shocked and all manner of speculations started flying as my roomies began to suggest maybe the lady who brought the stink was dirty, or had just had sex before coming to preach. To cut the story short, we ended up discussing about stinking private parts and hygiene rather than the message brought before us.

I guess a stink can do a lot of damage.

There was a time we had a pretty lady join our office as contract staff. She came all the way from the USA and was foreign accented such that the only way you could know she was Nigerian was by her name. She was a classy dresser, used nice jewelry and perfume – good scent which made me have a high perception of her as a person…until the day I was about to use the toilet and she stepped out after use. I stepped in and ran out again, almost choking.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying fine chicks no dey shit. This was just a case of accidental stink and to make matters worse, her ‘load’ badly smeared the inside of the water closet. I wonder how she perched to achieve that.

Other chicks in the office use the toilet but many of them leave behind a fragrance that makes you worry less that a shit episode just took place there. Maybe they take their perfumes with them and apply and freshen up after doing the business. I don’t know how they do it. But Missy here didn’t. She left the place stinking to high heavens.

And as for the men, forget them. Most of them’ll mess up toilets mercilessly with gas and crap anytime, any day.

I try not to leave a bad impression when I do the doodoo. I carry my own handwash and an air freshener spray if I have one. If I don’t, I reserve the business till the end of the day – except it’s a serious emergency.

Better to leave a scent behind than a stink. Trust me…first impression may last long, but a stink impression lasts longer.


51 thoughts on “By Their Smells You Shall Know Them…” by Afronuts (@Afronuts)

  1. Lol

    Leave it be jare.

  2. You make sense bro. I’ve had cause to discuss the stinking p***y with a female colleague at work, I think its still all about the lady’s personal hygiene. And yes, mouth and body odour make me wanna puke!
    You try @afronuts, nothing do you.

    1. Thanks @banky

      lol, the stinking ‘below’ is definitely a nasty amebo to the dirty woman.

  3. Haba!…This is true and funny…
    One thing pple with BO forget is the fact that overuse of perfumes actually worsen the case..
    That your closing line killed it…Nice one nutty…

    1. @sibbylwhyte

      interesting…overuse of perfs dey worsen the case? Interestiing!

      1. I think it worsens it when it is used as a cover up. Stinky smell plus perfume does not go down well. So the idea should be perfume on clean fresh clothes and the body.
        Good write up.
        Smell paradox huh?

        1. @osakwe

          True dat, true dat…theres need to emphasize staying fresh in fresh clothes before perfuming…

          not when you’re all stinky should you apply the scent…

          Thanks Osakwe…that was a good info.

  4. This is AFRONUTS at his finest!!!

    Ladies and gennlemen…the same brain who brought you the classics NS Roll Call…Night Riders – Shit Happens…Love Jazz…and the less-than-complete Blochus Bandits (I had to add that) is BACK!!! This time…


    Well done guy.

    1. @Seun-Odukoya

      Bros na wah oh! You’ll definitely make a good promoter…lol.

      Thanks Seun. I couldn’t have done all those stories without the encouragement from you guys.

      How come you dey always forget the title of that blokkus bandit story? – ‘Strange Women’
      Besides…I should post why I never really finished it on ‘Story & Poetry Trivias’

      1. Yeah. You should.

        And then…I just like the sound of ‘Blokkus Bandits’. Sounds so…

        Maybe I should use it in a story of mine.

        Waiting for your ‘excuse’.

    2. LOL…yes y’all, and this time,whoa stinky punanis.

  5. This is educating and entertaining.

    1. Thanks prof!

  6. Afronuts… Shey you know you are one of my best writers on NS.. Ok, I’ve not said that before but you know now.

    Now to the bone… Boys will always have something interesting to say about a girl with a stink. Imagine saying p**** smell. Lol.

    Anyway, no matter what we eat, as long as the mouth is shut, bacteria will definitely grow in the mouth, causing a stink… You know what you should do? Get a sugarless gum.. You could help your sweet tooted friends out with a gum….. And for the poo, guess that ‘oyinbo’ lady still had ‘oyinbo’ food in her system. Don’t blame her, protein enriched balanced diet could have very awful end products.

    All the same, this writeup makes a whole lotta sense. Well done.

    1. @gooseberry

      gooseymama….I am honored oh! For that to come from you is seriously humbling. The ability na by grace oh…We thank the Lord

      Thanks for the info on bacteria and most especially the sugarless gum. You’re the second person hinting me about it..I hope the sweet tooths are taking note of this.

      Thanks a bunch goosey!

  7. True but unsettling. Body Odour?! Ah!
    The worst aspect of it is that you never have the guts to tell the person who has it. You just feel too embarrased for him or her.

    Just do it. That’s all I’ll say. Tell the person looking away from their direction.

    1. True dat @babyada

      Maybe an anonymous text message would make the difference…

  8. hehehehehehe
    This is interesting…true too.

  9. This is so funny afronuts…you summed it up extemely well.@baby you just did one for NIKE,lol.

    1. oops! *extremely

  10. Hilarious indeed.

  11. Afronut you are a gem!

    As for women and hygiene, sometimes its not all about hygiene. Some women don’t realize that eating certain types of fish leaves a stink down below. The more odour a fish gives off, the most likely a woman will smell after enjoying it.
    Sometimes the aftermath of fish leaves an ammonia like smell…

    This is dedicated to you and your nose…

    Of the tales Afronut’s nose can tell, smell
    Of foul smells that can make any tummy swell
    Or of Lovely scents that make sense
    Breaths that make the nose wish it wasn’t in the know
    BO that would singe timid nostril hairs
    Even a tinge would make your body cringe
    Toilet smells the aftermath of fine lady dwells
    How cruel this choking stench
    Worse still is the smell food brings
    Mackerel might taste nice
    But the p***y pays a fishy price!

    1. @aturmercy

      aaww…I’m touched. Now I’m wondering what I did to deserve the nice holla you’re giving me and the poem.

      Thanks a bunch mercy…!

    2. Fishy smell down there bcos of eating fish? Abeg make d person check first if she has vaginosis before accusing d mackerel

      1. @osakwe

        Shuu!…which one be vaginosis again? Does it cause ‘down below’ to smell like fish?

        1. yep it does.

  12. @Afronuts,

    This obsession with fragrances and fresh smells is just a consequence of modern living.

    I’m sure that in those days before perfume and deodorant, we got along just fine.

    Really, it’s all in the head. After all, there are foods like the durian which people eat, even though the smell is supposed to be terrible. And even closer to home, there’s fermented locust bean extract (aka iru in Yoruba).

    1. @TolaO

      Thats true…but Tola, do you realise that in the old days there were local fragrances and even make-up? Even herbal remedies that helped you keep a refreshed breath existed. They were crude but they made scented difference.
      While I was serving as a corper in a village, I came across local stuff like these that had been passed through generations.

      Modern living has introduced processed foods and more unnatural stuff for consumption thus making our oral cavity go through worse stinky designs.

  13. No b small tin oo. E get one 5n gurl 4 my class 4 ss3 wey get BO.

    1. @louis
      lol…I guess her stink impression lasted too long with you

  14. ‘…first impression may last long, but a stink impression lasts longer’
    This got me laughing a lot, nice writeup

    1. Thanks. remember that!

    1. @gretel

      Noted ke? You sound like a victim…I hope you aint!

  15. The last sentence best summarizes the whole essay…lol ! Simple but true. This essay reminds me of my sister’s past habit, she used to carry a toothpaste and a toothbrush with her everywhere she went , just in case she needed to “freshing up” after eating ….hehehe..Good one @Afronuts

    1. @aghoghosam

      lol…Your sister was definitely a neatness-freak. She might have just carried a mouthwash instead of the whole works of toothbrush and paste.

      1. looool..she uses mints now :)

  16. sambright (@sambrightomo)

    LololololOLOLOLOLLYOLO.HA HA HA,@afronuts this is cwezyyyy.Ur last line indeed sums this up.May we all keep good hygiene o….

    1. lol…Thanks sam…A hygiene compliant nation begins with you…

  17. Hmm…I think anybody’s poo that smells too much obviously has a problem….It’s either one has not defecated for long or one is ill perhaps with typhoid or something like that…the mouth and armpit odour and all kinds of odour can be controlled….except for maybe those guys whose feet stink and who have no choice than to wear socks and shoes especially if working in a corporate environment…
    Mouth odour…brush twice, chew sugarless or minty gums, have a mouth wash etc
    Armpit…..Use deodorant and try to avoid certain type of cloth materials…
    Poo…. Please drink water as much as possible, take fruits and try to s**t everyday
    P***y…abeg keep your privates clean….clean up after urinating…..I was shocked when in school then, my lecturer abused all females of being unhygienic to the extent of using disposable pants! I got to know that day that disposable pants exist especially for women who cannot wash their undies….
    P***s…please wash your boxers and pants…and make sure you clean up after using the toilet….I asked my boyfriend what happens to the penis when you guys use the toilet and he laughed and didn’t answer…my male cousin overhead us and asked the question on an online forum because according to them…it would be better if I hear the answer from other males as well…there were many replies to the question and in the end….some females found out (even some males) that most males were not really hygienic when it came to such matters as most gave ludicrous replies and answers….
    Please Hygiene is important o….thanks @Afronuts for this your post abi na research!

    1. @enoquin

      Well enoquin Thank you sooo much for this enlightening comment. I hope those concerned get to read this…unfortunately we don’t have any button to make striking comments favourites or stickys.

      I heard of the disposable panties…but I was made to understand that it was for new mothers who had just been delivered of a child and are using it with pad support to soak up blood still passing as a result of the childbirth. The blood is so thick it can damage the undies so disposable panties were created for the use. Its shocking that lazy young women who can’t wash their undies go for disposable panties. They were not meant for them in the first place.

      Thanks again enoquin!

  18. I love this one…Learning from it too

  19. yea very interesting.nice one

  20. LMAO. Interesting piece

  21. This is funny. And I concur on a number of points.

  22. Omena (@menoveg)

    I am just speechless…but definitely learnt from this. I am sending this link to my facebook page.!

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