Tragicomic Error(s) I

Tragicomic Error(s) I


Oshodi! Oshodi! The bus conductor shouted on top of his voice to attract passers-by. Some persons dressed in office-like attire hurriedly mount the “Danfo” bus with the hope to get to work as early as possible. And like every other passenger, he entered, dressed in white shirt and blue trousers with a blue TM Tie to match.

He was running late for the interview scheduled for 9am, and by the clock, it was half past 8.

The bus moved slowly to the main state-owned road close to the park, entering gallops, potholes. Hardly had the bus got to the next bus-stop when the bus stopped and was not in any way showing signs that it would start off quickly. The Bus driver tried igniting the engine times without number but all his efforts proved abortive. He came down from the bus urging the passengers to highlight so he could find a temporary solution to this. Chorusly they screamed, “What sort of rubbish is this,, you should have checked your car before you set out for the day’s work”

The man on white shirt rushed down from the bus before others could say anything, ran as fast as his legs could carry him to locate another bus, knowing fully that he was behind schedule. It was exactly Nine O’ Clock.

 

As if that was not enough, all the other buses were heading to a different destination, he asked himself! “How do I get to Oshodi, maybe I should take Ikeja and get another one from there”, he retorted, joined a bus destined for Ikeja. This new bus sped like one destined for doom, changing gears in ascending order. The job applicant was full of smiles while other passengers barked loudly. “I will beat the time”, he soliloquized.

Suddenly, another Hiace Space Bus was speeding close to them and the driver of the “Danfo” swerved to the right hand side of the road, hitting a nearby motorcycle. Some of the passengers were already in a state of emergency, reciting religious incantations as much as they can, some read Psalm 23 “…is my shepherd…..while some ‘Lahi la,I la n La’, deafening.

 

At long last, he stepped down from the bus, alas! It was already 5 minutes past 9. He took a Motorbike to the place, got there panting, sweating profusely. By 10 minutes past 9am it was his time to go into the Interview room.

He was welcomed by the Interviewer, and was signaled to take a sit. The dialogue began. Some of the excerpts  .. .

Interviewer: Why did you leave your last job

Interviewee: To….to….work in a bigger firm like yours

Interviewer: How do you intend to add value to Metch & Mold Plc as spelt out in your Resume.

Interviewee: I can do so many things..panting.. . .

Interviewer: Be more specific

Interviewee: I can ….emh ….

TO BE CONTINUED…



14 thoughts on “Tragicomic Error(s) I” by Whiz Da Poet (@whizpoet)

  1. Okay. A beginning. Typos and punctuation errors.

    Take for instance: ‘shouted on top of his voice’ should be ‘shouted at the top of his voice’…

    Not bad.

  2. Whiz whiz, what happened na? This is below you. Anyway, let’s see where this is going.

    ‘Highlight’ should have been ‘Alight’

  3. I don’t believe this was written by you. Did some one hack into your profile?

  4. Where didn’t he just take a motorbike in the first place when the Danfo broke down?

  5. ERRORS! be careful when typing o….The part where u said they chorusly screamed??They can’t all scream the same thing naaaa,u can try 2 create a scene where 2 or 3 people say different things nt d same thing.

  6. I can just imagine the young man panting in front of the interviewer after much rush. It made me feel for him. Nice Lagos morning scene, but there are a couple of typos and vocabulary errors towards the beginning as noted by some!

  7. Sure there are errors that need checking out. I took note of this line however:

    ‘Chorusly they screamed, “What sort of rubbish is this,, you should have checked your car before you set out for the day’s work”

    Is it possible for a crowd to scream the same thing at once? Except its a deliberate recital, I don’t think so. Its not realistic.

    And just my opinion: you could have ended this part with a cliffhanger that would make us eager to see the next part.

  8. I agree with all the above posters especially @Eletrika who said this was definitely below you. Your suspense didn’t end well. Besides what kind of job seeker left home close to the time he had an interview? I don’t know what area he was staying but Osodi buses are not really that scarce. Osodi isale may be more scarce than Osodi Oke but generally Osodi buses are the least scare. But still, well done!

    1. Thanks so much everyone. More especially @Eletrika. I appreciate your comments, it shows uve been following me “Bumber to Bumper”.

      About the Clif and Hanger thing…. I will work on that

  9. @whizpoet, I could have overlooked the many typos in this story if it had been compelling, but really, nothing out of the ordinary happens here. As things stand, the work needs a lot of editing. And I don’t think you should have switched to a ‘drama’ format at the end, especially where you talked about ‘excerpts’.

  10. Thanks so much @Tola , what then should I switch to?

  11. my belated commendation cannot reduce the beauty inherent in your works……………

      1. @whizpoet I was thinking what I said was simply clear…. Your work was published since 2012, that I’m just reading does not imply that your work is not that excellent. In sum, your work, in spite of certain typos, is just GOOD.

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