Today na Today… PART 2

Today na Today… PART 2

Before I comot for house today, I don ask God for forgiveness. Because I know say papa God vex no dey tey. He fit vex small o, but bible don talk am say papa God vexing no dey last, na him mercy last pass him vex. As a suicide bomber, man pikin go gats prepare him house because I no say I go follow for the victims.

I don even prepare my tithe so that when I go dey bounce go altar go drop am, pepo no go suspect anything. Na dat time I go press the button,(their father two left leg!). So as I dey go buy mama sikira beans for junction, I dey speak in tongues…

Mama Sikira beans no be anyhow beans o. Na correct Omi-ewa type. Those one wey no dey thick. Wey dey be like water. Na orisi-orisi dey inside the beans. I buy fish, egg, and plantain, to make the ting strong and to do the work well well, I con buy moi-moi join am. Today na today! As I dey come back , I con branch the chemist shop wey dey near our house con buy three peak milk. Una go dey wonder say I no go get stomach palaver? No worry ya sef at all.

Day before yesterday, I don go meet mama tope for her regular agbo jedi.I don drink am take clean my belle well well! So no cause for alarm, the only alarm wey go blow, na for inside church today! Na me talk am, yes na me talk am.

But by the time I chop the food finish I con dey regret. Shey na like this suicide bombers dey feel before dem go operations? Chai, all my belle don full, so te I no fit move again. By this time, sun don dey come down small, small, traffic don dey tie wrapper as usual for Lagos. To make matter worst, shit con dey worry me. Chai see F*** up! This one na serious f*** up! I must manage reach church do this ting sharp-sharp.con waka comot without any suspicion. Yes that means I go change my plans.

I go just use style sidon for back so that when I release the bomb ehn I go just escape.-But that one no go be suicide bomb again o….My guy Nigerians no be suicide bombers. Yes we no be suicide bombers. Go ask Abdul mutalab. Even if Boko Haram dey do am, I no believe say na dem dey do am. E go be pepo wey come from Niger or Chad. Yes for Nigerian culture, we no dey kill ourself by ourself. Na only Oyinbo get day kain mind. I trust my pepo we no dey commit suicide at all, at all.

Anyway my plan still dey as e suppose dey. But I dey fear one ting o.I dey fear. I dey fear make I no go sidon near one fine babe o. Dat one go be big yawa! Imagine if I release am inside church near the babe?Anyway that one no go be problem-I go just bone! Yes I go form innocent.Na wetin I go do be that.

Chai, the shit one drop sha. I must begin dey run go church now, after all six don nak. Na so my journey start o. As I enter the okada, e bi like say the shit don drop from my trouser. But no be shit, na the ting. The smell na Ogbonge! This kain smell go make devil fly window. Na dis type of smell dey cast devil out. This kain smell na die!

Even the okada man dey form seriousness, meanwhile the thing wan kill am o! Chai, this one na correct bomb. Me , myself I confirm am. This one na confirmento like OBJ dey talk for Wazobia fm. The thing dey smell pass rat wey don die. The environment just die! Yes this is very good. The one wey dem release for church the other day no smell reach. Today person go die, people go die! As a correct guy I kukuma use scope dey brush my nose with my hand, the smell o bad gan. Today their father!

As I reach church, na him I jam Yetunde for gate. She just dey enter church too. Yetunde, na one of those fine girls for church wey dey get long hair. And when dem dey pray, prayer go dey hungry you. I dey tell you the truth. If you sidon near babes like Yetunde for church, church go sweet pass dankwa. True to God!

”Hello how was your day?” with fonee na she take ask me o. As a sharp warri guy wey no dey slack, me sef I answer am, quick quick, “very fine and yours?” “Not bad”, as we dey talk so we dey waka o. We dey waka go the small auditorium wey we dey take do midweek service for we church.

At once na him I feel the ting dey come again, before I say “A-b-u-j-a”, d ting don fly out from my yansh o. See me see gbege! This one oooo baaaaaaaad gani, o baaaaaad gan! “What is smelling”, Yetunde don talk before I open my mouth to take excuse say I wan go toilet. “It must be the refuse bin around the corner”, quick quick the grammar do yanger comot for my mouth. Before I fit talk again na him I just fumble…!

My entire jeans trouser don wet finish, con heavy. With shame na him I just tanda for where I dey as Yetunde leave me dey hurry to enter church. She no know say I don stop for back. Chai, I don shit for body! This one na double wahala live!

Osalobua, my belle need surgery. God don catch me today! I never even enter church chai see massive f*** up! Ope o nobody dey come for my back. Thank God say before I comot for house I wear two trousers, in case of any incasity. We no dey carry last for warri, today na today! Make I enter toilet first, I dey come….

39 thoughts on “Today na Today… PART 2” by sambright (@sambrightomo)

  1. Dis yur work get as e be o. First, your pidgin nid corret wrk. E nor sound as e suppose sound. Second, ‘osalobua’ na ‘osanobua’………I also do not believe that Nigerians are suicide bombers but then, money can be a very good motivation to turn one.

    1. Thank you so much for the critique.I don learn something from u.thanks for reading.

  2. Lmao!!..Sam bright!!…Dis ur pidgin story na d bomb!…So you shit 4 trouser ehn?..See casting..God don catch you..Yetunde go still catch U..

    Well done bro…We need more stories with comic relief…

    1. LOL @ bubble-lina.LOL.AND LOL AGAIN,DIS UR NAME DEY TOTORI ME.LOL.I am glad i didnt disappoint u.Expect the last part ooo.THIS TYM U GO LAFF FALL COMOT FOR CHAIR,CON DEY ROLL FOR GROUND SEF.

  3. Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thanks for not disappointing. As soon as you brought in the ewa olomi angle…I knew something was up.

    But still…shiiiiit! As in…literally.

    Well done!

    1. Thanks @ seun oooo.You commentary on my stories are golden.It is a treasure to forever cherish.I’M HUMBLED @ UR THOUGHT EXPRESSED HERE,SO HUMBLED.

  4. Nothing do you, na you wan find trouble but e be like say the trouble catch you first!

    1. Ha ha ha,@ enoquin,u got d msg joor.that is why u be enoquin!Tablet to cure writing sickness.u too gbasky!!!Thanks for dropping ur tots,I really appreciate!

      1. You don come oh…which one be enoquin ‘tablet to cure writing sickness?’ But make I no lie o…the thing make sense oh…I fit steal am as my slogan…nothing do you…

        1. Go ahead na.@ enoquin na medicine be ur name.

  5. If you are reading this series for d first tym,I suggest u read d first as well.Thnks alot y’all for ur comments.

  6. lmao…read d first an am glad to read the second. really nice…but i think u kinda of got carried away wiv elaboration in some parts….I think! but in all its really nice!!!

    1. @ teewah,thnks for ur comments.As regards elaboration,i believe it comes with this variety of English.

  7. lmao…read d first and am glad to read the second. really nice…but i think u kinda of got carried away wiv elaboration in some parts….I think! but in all its really nice!!!

  8. “Wow,” like oloyinbo will say “you did a nice work” Just need to overlooked some error here and there…
    Good works bravo..looking forward to the last part..last part? *thinking* or second to the last part?..

    1. Yes my brother,I had submitted d story before I saw the corrections.u know u never can finish writing a story.There iss always room for editing.THANKS ALL THE SAME for ur comments,I appreciate!

      1. I mean to say the errors not d corrections.And concerning the last part,leave that for me.LOL

  9. “If you sidon near babes like Yetunde for church, church go sweet pass dankwa. True to God!”>>>>>>nah my best line be dis.

    1. @ wieldpile LOL.Dankwa sweet well well o,but e no sweet reach church.Thanks so much for ur tots.

      1. You sure?

        Na church dey sweet you…or the babes wey dey there dey sweet you??!

        1. @ seun-odukoya na Church dey sweet me o bros.d story above na just for story o….Yes na me talk am!

  10. Well done @sanbright. I feel you jare.

    1. Thanks @ electricity.I reply u sharperly,sharperly!

  11. This was funny. But it was a little difficult to read o. The pidgin is too conc for me.

    1. That is because the shit conc.LOL

  12. Heeheheh. Very cool. Really cool. Hope say the shit no peel your skin o cos e go hot wella. You try

    1. Thanks @ gooseberry.The shit no hot @ all but my trouser wet sha.thank for reading.

  13. I always love reading pidgin works and I loved the first part and this is okay too.

  14. @adaobiokwy thanks for reading.You are the bomb!

  15. This one gbaski Sambright. Since this tori no kill me, nothing fit.
    Waiting for the other part oh. I pity the toilet…

    1. @ably ahan….shuo how the story go kill you na?The toilet hear am there i first throw the atomic bomb put.e pass the one wey America throw for hiroshima nagasaki!LOL!!thanks for reading @ablyguy.

  16. Hehehehe! Sam, Sam I loved the first part and I love this part also esp ‘cos of the twist of the story. As per na the guy bomb hinsef wen he shit for body instead of the initial plan. Kudos! Na you dey rock brodally!

    1. @ Ife na you rock pass!!!LOL!Pay attention to the thoughts in the story, more intrigues to follow!!!LOL!!!!HEHEHEHEHE HAH!

  17. @sambrightomo, this didn’t do as much for me as the first installment, because I already knew what was going to happen (i.e. the MC getting his ‘revenge’). Even the mess-to-shit twist wasn’t so surprising, because you had already hinted at it. But very nice pidgin exposition from you.

    1. Thanks for reading and registering your thoughts @Tola Odejayi….I will work on sustaining suspense in a better way next time.

  18. Meh… I dey go read the last one now…You wan kill person with Laff.

    1. Go ahead bro…

  19. Still laughing…

  20. mendel martha (@ihenyengladysusile)

    forget say i no say na wetin go happen,it was fun reading through,but eh take time sha…..

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