Picture this: You meet this gorgeous looking babe and the strong chemistry between you guys set things in motion pretty faster than you can imagine and before you could spell the words R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P, you begin dating and everything feels so smooth that using phrases like ‘made for each other’ would sound like an understatement in describing this magical thing you share with this wonderful woman. Then, it gets to a point where all that’s left is the ‘M’ word and all of a sudden, you feel like ‘Wow, I’m not sure I’m ready for this!’ This is a most usual occurrence especially with the guys and I believe it’s a most natural feeling. It’s called ‘cold feet’. Sometimes, I wonder what the ‘feet’ has got to do with all this but let’s make do with the definition that has been handed down to us.
Now, what’s the point of this talk about ‘cold feet’?, you’ll probably wonder. Again, after much brainstorming, I am convinced it’s not only about-to-wed folks that experience this strange phenomenon. It could easily happen to a guy (or girl) who goes into an unplanned or hasty relationship without taking time to make sure it’s the right thing to do. Sometimes, it might even be the right thing to do but then, the greed factor could make one begin to regret going into a relationship even before you’ve settled into it. For example, imagine a guy and a girl officially begin dating on Monday and by Wednesday, he (or she) comes across this heaven-sent girl (or guy) who appears to have all the qualities he (or she) had always dreamed of finding in a partner; qualities which the current partner unfortunately doesn’t possess in totality. Now, wouldn’t those be grounds for regret and cold feet? Your guess is as good as mine, affirmative or negative, as the argument could be won on both sides but let’s save that for some other day.
I believe it is easier to maintain a friendship with the opposite sex without any romantic strings attached than when you involve those strings. Somehow, it just seems to change everything. I still wonder why it’s that way but that’s just the way it is, probably from time immemorial. Remember Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. They had been naked all along and having fun playing with the animals and eating fruits and stuff but when their eyes were opened, what happened? They knew they were naked and hid themselves. I bet that was the origin of the concept of shyness. Now, it’s easy to compare that the period of friendship with the opposite sex with the period before Adam and Eve took the forbidden fruit and compare the involvement of romance between two friends of opposite sex with the period after they ate the forbidden fruit. You could liken the forbidden fruit they ate to the ‘kissing’, ‘smooches’ or even ‘sex’ that usually mark the dawn of romantic relationships in our world today. Once you cross that line, things just stop being the same. Thus, I recommend ‘attraction from a distance’ sometimes. It solves a lot of mysterious post-dating problems.
BG and I began dating officially in a most unexpected manner. Now, that’s what a kiss could do to you. While I totally disagree, some folks believe and constantly affirm that the acceptable manner to begin a romantic relationship is by asking a girl out and playing out a scenario like this:
Guy: Baby, I like you very much. In fact, I think I’m falling in love with you.
Girl: (Rolling her eyes) Really? Are you serious?
Guy: (In a most sonorous voice) With all my heart, babe.
Girl: (Shrugging but in her heart, as happy as can be) So what are you trying to say?
Guy: I want you to be my girl.
Girl: (Appears to think for sometime but her heart’s really screaming ‘YES’) I would have to think about it for sometime.
Guy: (Sighs frustratingly) Okay then dear. Take your time but don’t keep me waiting for too long. You’re like the air I need to breathe . . . .
and bla bla and all that usual jazz people tend to exchange in the course of ‘pre-dating’. Soon, they begin to date and it either leads to marriage after God-knows-how-long or a break-up, which unfortunately happens in the most usual cases.
Anyway, that’s the usual scenario but BG and I did not happen like that. Of course the attraction was there, silent as it seemed but all it took to evoke a romantic relationship was a ‘kiss’ (Read the last paragraph of Episode 23 for better understanding). At the time, I did not want to accept that I was officially involved with BG. I liked her very much but it was obvious she did like me more. I realized I could never keep the ‘kissing incident’ to myself and I had to tell Simon, my friend. We had practically become roommates by then as I spent more time at his place and confined my presence at home to weekends only. Simon obviously had his reservations and expressed them lightly. I decided to go ahead and let Sam know of the situation because I really would not have wanted him to realize I was dating his girl (ex) behind his back. I wondered if I was supposed to request for his permission to date BG and instantly decided otherwise. It would have been a most stupid action so I took the plunge and told him in a most casual way that BG and I were involved but not seriously. He said he wasn’t dating her so she was a free bird. I decided to save my face and told him I had no such plans initially (which was really true). Sam simply smiled and told me he was cool. In fact, he re-emphasized that he never liked BG from the start. That sounded like the perfect go-ahead signal.
However, I still had problems in really going ahead with BG in a serious relationship. No sooner had we kissed than I began to wish we could rewind time and remain the way we were. Things just stopped being the same, especially whenever I had a reason to think that the world would believe I snatched my friend’s girlfriend, a question I continually argued within my heart on many occasions then. I decided to keep things plain and tell myself and everyone else who cared to ask that BG and I were just friends. What made it much easier to convince myself that ours wasn’t a serious relationship was the fact that we weren’t sleeping together. Our romance was restricted to kisses and touches as she had previously told me that she was a virgin and I was not at all ready to break her barriers.
BG on the other hand did not see things the way I did. I had become her knight in shining armour and she was ready to flaunt me to any length. Within a few weeks, her presence in my class was regular, a situation I detested to no end.
“Hey Geebee,” she would say, smiling as she approached my seat.
“Hey, how are you doing?” I would respond.
“I’m alright. Just thought I’d check on you” she’d say.
I would sigh and stare around uncomfortably wondering if any girls in my class were taking notice of her and how she could spoil my chances with them.
“A-actually, I’ll be having lectures soon.” I’d tell her.
“No qualms, I would leave once your lecturer arrives.”
It was a most common practice and usually, she had her way, especially because I did not want her to think I intended to get rid of her which was my real intention. Before long I had begun to regret getting involved with her. Within a few weeks, I realized I preferred being friends than being romantically involved. My feet had indeed become freezing cold.
SEE YOU IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE GEEBEE’S CHRONICLES.