My Week With Asa – A True Story

One of my most anticipated movies of 2011 was My Week With Marilyn. The idea of a young man having a wonderful (romantic et shagful) week with one of the greatest superstars of all time… you better do the maths.

MTV organised this contest on facebook. Those who follow MTV on facebook must have seen the post. The contest is simple, name your favourite star and what you would love to do with him/her if you two had a week to spend together. I don’t usually enter for such contests but I was bored and slightly depressed that day. I also knew my favourite music star was Asa… like she had no competition. So I wrote Asa and said I would love to write some songs with her.

Luckily for me I didn’t win.

Or rather they had an artist booked for the contest and would ONLY select a winner from those who mention that particular artist.

I went through other comments out of another round of boredom. I noticed only two people mentioned Asa.

I was at work one afternoon and I got a call from this girl I had met on facebook.

She sent me a friend request a few weeks back and I accepted her. She didn’t quite have lotta friends so at first I felt she was building a scam account. But like I always did with a strange friend request, I checked all the info. And I noticed we kinda had the same likes in film and music.

We both loved Paul Haggis’ Oscar winning film Crash; and Richard Curtis’ films starring Hugh Grant Notting Hill and About a Boy. Music, she loved Asa like me. Then Nat King Cole, Abba and Smokie were also in her list of favourite music artist. So I accepted her friend request.

The virtual romance started. We started with messages. Then BB pins. Then phone numbers. We just talked and talked and talked and flirted and flirted and flirted. Anyone who has ever had an online romance would probably know how it works. Honestly, it felt like we were perfect twins. Again that’s how most relationships, good or bad, felt.

So I was at work this afternoon when I got a call from her. She said she was in my state. At the airport and was wondering if I could come pick her up. We really played a lot. Flirting with a virtual person required a lot of playing for those of us in the game. At first, I laughed it off. But she sounded serious about it.

I quickly talked to my manager and a colleague. They agreed to cover up for me so I left. I went home and took one of my dad’s cars and headed for the airport. I made sure there was enough fuel in the car because I wanted the AC on all through. I called her all the way to let her know I wasn’t EVER going to believe her again if this was a joke.

I got to the airport, parked and called her. I described the car I was in. She said she was coming. I left the AC on and let Asa’s Bibanke play softly.



I had been played. MTV was supposed to start their Punk’d show inNigeria. This girl must be one of their workers. She actually requested me as a friend on facebook a few days after the MTV contest. I was depressed immediately. I had dreamed up how we were gonna have our happily-ever-after ending. This couldn’t be it…

I decided to play along. I figured out it might likely still end like one of those romantic comedies where the girls comes for something selfish but ends up falling honestly in love with the guy. I’ll make her fall in love with me…

Knock at my car window.

A girl with her face covered was knocking on my window. I pressed the automatic lock and all the doors locked. Maybe I had being flirting with a psycho. I was already sweating inside the car even with the AC still on. She was on my side of the window. If she was on the passenger’s side, I would have ran out of the car with the car key to get a security guy. Every bad thing I heard about meeting in person with online friends came to my mind. The 2go girls who got raped. Was I going to be the 2go boy?

I was jolted back to reality when my phone rang. Bukky was calling. Bukky is the psycho outside my window. If I don’t answer, she’ll know I’m scared. But if I answer, it might be my ticket to being the 2go boy that got raped. And I was a virgin. Like a real virgin. The kinda virgin that even when I dreamt, I was still a virgin in the dream. I have had lotta dreams where I was a president. A lot where I was a celebrity. I have even dreamt that I was the American president. But it was always a virgin celebrity or virgin president or virgin American president.

I answered the call.

“I am outside your window.”

“I can’t see you.”

She knocked again. I turned and looked at her. Her face isn’t covered again. The only way to describe what I was… simply… ASA.

“My real is Bukola. You didn’t know right?”

I rushed out of the car and gave her a very tight hug. I forgot about the cameras, unintentionally shah. Here I was hugging Asa. It was crazy. I was soooooooooooooooo glad.

The next thing I remembered was sitting in a hotel room gisting with Asa. Even if she was just an Asa look-alike, I wouldn’t mind being raped by her.

She told me about the gig she had in town. She would spend a week or so. And she wanted to spend it with me. She wanted me to be at rehearsals, at shows and press conferences and all that. For those of you who love the American TV series, Friends, I had the ‘Ross’ expression. You know his expression whenever Rachael gets too naughty.

I agreed.

She gave me a hug. I didn’t know if I was to hug back…

She kissed me. Even a virgin knows if you are kissed by someone like Asa, you just have to respect yourself and kiss back. The kiss lingered till…

My mum woke. I forgot to take my vitamin c before I went to bed. She handed me the six red tablets and I swallow. I felt some wetness. Another wet dreams. I hoped mum hadn’t seen it again.

I pretended to fall asleep almost immediately so she wouldn’t notice the wet boxers. And she didn’t.

“Try and change your boxers before you sleep again, you are sweating too much.”

“Okay mum”

“Unless you’ll be sweating more around your boxers area later in the night. You wouldn’t want to have two sweaty boxers by morning.”

She didn’t notice. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehe…

40 thoughts on “My Week With Asa – A True Story” by Jaywriter (@jaywriter)

  1. gooseberry (@gooseberry)

    Haahahahahahah. This is hilarious. Where did the camera’s come from? When did the dream start? From the beginning? That means you had some days in one night? Really coool story man.

    And by the way, your mum noticed, she just dint wana embarrass you

  2. OMG! You are one serious sensual sensation! How I wish Asa gets to read this. This story was da bomb! You had me riveted to the page from start to finish. I love u! Oops I mean I loved it lol
    Though, I noticed few typos here and there…
    Well done!

    1. Nothing Like ‘Ooops!’

      You love him!

      Jay!!!! Come quick o!!!

      1. Yup, @ifewatson, we caught you on candid camera. You love him! We heard it.
        Jay…bone Asa, take this one.

  3. hehehehehehehehehehehe!
    Guy, wait, make I laff again.
    Forgive me if i didnt read this to spot errors (there are some, though), but you really did well with this.
    And the wet boxers? hehehehehehehehe. As a guy, I understand. lollz!

  4. midas (@midas)

    Dude! You’ve got me in stitches over this one. You must really be a big fan of Asa ,maybe a little obssesive , to have such fancy dream.
    Now I understand this likeness you have for movies. You write so vividly.
    Well, welcome back from fantasy land!

  5. @gooseberry thanks a lot. Dream started from the beginning. You know how dreams are na, you can dream years in a night.

    @Ife Watson I claim the love in Jesus Name, Amen. About Asa reading it, I’m glad you’ve read it, *winks*. Thanks for loving me and the post.

    @Da Writing Engineer wet boxers is good sometimes. But when you go camp? You pray it doesn’t just disgrace you there. Thanks for the comment.

    @midas that fantasy land journey was the best last year oh. About being obsessive, I’m not exactly obsessive. I just love her a lot. Life if she’s on tv my mum would call me and say “Jay Jay, your wife is on tv oh”. Thanks for commenting.

  6. sibbylwhyte (@sibbylwhyte)

    Well well..Typos or d story nd I rili wish Asa would get to read this maybe your dream might come true..then U would write on… My Real Date with Asa..
    P.S; d boxers? hope u didn’t just dump it in d laundry basket?

  7. @sibbylwhyte all of una na Asa somehow na. This one wey una wan use Asa dey prolong things. Asa dey France oh. Okay my next dream will be about you. So my next post, My Real Week With sibbylwhyte, lol.

    Thanks for reading and commenting. As for the wet boxers…

  8. sibbylwhyte (@sibbylwhyte)

    @jaywriter…E no go reach one week..Wetin we wan dey do?.. When it happens make sure U put d correct thing…who wan dash U 1week?..Half hour with Sibbyl..

  9. LOL…you should have titled this the dreams of a virgin boy. Some words were missing though, her real name was bukola, mom woke me, and so on…

  10. Jay, Jay, hmmmmmm…………………

  11. @Myne Whitman thanks a lot.

    @Electrika hmmmmmm, thanks.

  12. Jay,Jay, Jay! Nice story.I was wondering all through if you were wishful thinking or if it was true…Great job!
    Maybe TMI in the story though, just saying… ;-)

  13. @Jef thanks a lot. Wishful thinking ni? Can’t wishful think that much oh. Kinda lost on the TMI, what does it mean, please?

  14. too much information….. :-)

  15. Jay *smh* almost had me there for a moment walahi!
    I can almost relate to what you feel for Asa except i can’t get a wet boxer out of it.*sigh* lol!
    Good one!

  16. @estrella thanks for reading. You have a thing for Asa too, lol. Now, is there the other form of wetness, hmmm?

    @Jefsaraurmax lol at too much information.

  17. In your dreams, Oga Jaywriter! Na wa oh, Asa in a wet dream, kai, me I can’t even picture it….she looks too sisterly, it’d be sooo ultra-weird….

    1. I get you.

      It’s freaking hard to imagine that girl naked.

      Not that its easy for me to imagine any girl naked…but you understand.

      Nyways…this is about Asa.

  18. Jaywriter. Two words.

    You’re Crazy.

  19. @Gboyega Asa na sweet girl oh. You wanna kiss her all day if you see her perform live on stage. Thanks for reading.

  20. @Seun I can’t seem to imagine girls naked too. I have this weird thing of only being able to imagine sex with real people I have been ‘close’ to.

    What I imagine is ‘the kiss’. When I have quite imagined Asa naked. If I ever learn that, imagining a girl naked, I’ll have naked girls on my mind all day, even those on NS.

    So, as crazy as my mind is, I just imagine kissing Asa.

    I also have this image of her playing Bibanke for me in bed swearing just pant and bra. That’ll be sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo romantic. Possibly even forming a new song too.

    Enough of my obsessive thoughts, lol. Thanks for reading man. I need a sweeter gentle nurse mercy, I guess.

  21. aghoghosam (@aghoghosam)

    “I wouldn’t mind being raped by her.” , man you’re so silly…hahahaha , lol ! Nice Piece man.

  22. Hahahahahahaha
    Jaywriter, you don f**ck up!
    Asa no fine, are you blind?
    You say you be virgin? And you posted under non-fiction? Yeah, writers do lie.

    Nice one juo

    1. Thank you o @kaycee. I wonder he sees in her o; I guess the talent beclouded his sense of judgement…hehehehehe

  23. @aghoghosam thanks man.

    @Kaycee I love Asa very much. You’ll never understand how I judge beauty shah. Forget what I say on the site. I am the all talk no do kinda fellow. Still a virgin oh. Need a young artie girl to show me a few moves otherwise I’ll be the other 40 year old virgin.

  24. Hmmm….your admiration for Asa is very evident, although it’s hard to imagine this really happening, hence I knew it wasn’t true from the beginning, even after you categorised it as non-fiction (which was what called my attention to read this piece). But I liked it all the same, just check the typos and other errors in it, and then maybe you can forward it to Asa, hm, perhaps she would be gracious enough to “act the script”.

  25. Hm, @Jaywriter. Another “It was all a dream” story. Maybe we should create a separate category for these kinds of stories…

  26. Na wah o!Though I was the only one that had the hots for that sis.You almost got me believe that the story was true.Good piece (of your imagination).

    Well done!!!

  27. IDIAAAAAAAT! Hehehehehe… Kpele. Next one go be Daddy Showkey.

  28. Ehm *coughs*- this is late, I know, but I saw this now and I just have to comment.
    I liked your write-up, except for a few typo’s. Great dream… dream on.

    If there was a like button, I’d like the comment @raymond, as many times as possible; really got my ribs cracking.

  29. haha..really there should be a ‘like comment’ button @chimzorom

    @jaywriter….u no well o

  30. The Goth Who Smiles (@JinxOssi)

    LOOOOL! U know i almost believed you…Shit, u really had me goin’ =D This piece is funny as hell and nicely crafted…but emmm…if you’re a still a…you know you half gay, right??

    1. Yea, I know. There’s the possibility of going either way, loooooooooooool.

  31. Yea, I know. There’s the possibility of going either way, loooooooooooool. @JinxOssi

  32. Mamman Saba Mustapha (@danjuma)

    U got me, I almost believed the story was true. Nice piece though.

  33. @jaywriter, dreamer, dream on. Hope you’ve forwarded it to Asa. Maybe your dream will come true.

  34. LOL……. another late read and reply from me but I will comment anyway.

    First, few typos and errors that i’m sure you aware of by now.

    Love, love this! Its funny, flirtatious, romantic……..@jaywriter. Your dream trailed like the movie ‘inception!’ ….. dream in a dream in a dream!

  35. NICE…………….

Leave a Reply