My Christmas Spirit

My Christmas Spirit

Christmas is here…

My mom announced!!!

I looked around but it was not there

Jingle bells an silver bells i could not hear

So i could not help but think it wasn’t near

 

Something in me had died

It was the Christmas euphoria.

Then every place will be decorated with different flora

Likewise every meat would be fried…

Children without present had cried

and all their parent could scream back was ”i tried”.

 

Those were the times Christmases were real

a period when all wounds would heal.

When we sat at the table for our meal,

the number of unhappy people amongst us would be nil.

That was the Christmas upon which Christ placed a seal.

 

Christmas spirit in me has gone

like one threatened with a gun

I no longer feel the bond

i feel when i sing a Christmas song.

Now i feel alone

Like the only one having fun is my clone

 

Who stole my Christmas spirit?

or the new year’s spark in my eyes?

For in my heart I am as cold as ice

and as ice i have become light

afloat in the water of festivity.

 

I will search for you,

dear spirit, with all my might

and when i have you

my dear, in sight

I will set future Christmases right



11 thoughts on “My Christmas Spirit” by ernoff (@ernoff)

  1. Your insistence on rhyming didn’t make this beautiful….I didn’t feel anything when I was done reading this.

  2. Ernoff bro, sup with you? How you doing? Guess right.
    Nice poem here. I like the flow and the meaning behind the whole poem. At some point I thought to myself, this sure would have made a great piece if He had turned it to prose – a memoir or something. If I may ask, are you related in any way to the persona? Is the narrator you? Or is it your pure imagination?
    Well, @scopeman60 was right in his assessment of your rhyme use. The problems with rhymes is that they spoil the fun you might have had in playing with words. Rhyme makes most of us slaves as we have to bow to its tense rigidity and get words to really stick to the parameters we set. I would advise that if you decide to keep with rhymes you get a far larger vocab… or better still, don’t be a total ‘rhymer.’
    Furthermore, there were a few clichés like ‘Cold as ice’ which doesn’t show creativity in any way… There are also some typos like ‘Jingle bells an silver bells’ (I really wonder what that means!) … That aside, was there any particular reason why you used the singular pronoun ‘I’ in small letters? Of course, I need not mention that certain people have used it but as a matter of style and for effect. If I get an answer, we might be able to flow on better and know how to fashion that…(tag me with the @sueddie mention so I know if you answer…)
    Overall, I must say that this poem has a lot of promise but you would have to do some cleanup – some real heavy cleanup or editing, if you will if the beauty of this is to be realised. Consider it gold that must pass the furnace of some more cleansing to reach its glitter. Well done Ern.

  3. ernoff (@ernoff)

    @scopeman I very much appreciate your feedback and will take it to heart wen am writing the next poem

  4. ernoff (@ernoff)

    @sueddie this is obviously the reason i posted it up here….I am actually the narrator there… I wrote it two years ago after a christmas went bad….. as you rightly pointed out the work is very rough . It goes to show my amatuerish level of writing. Am highly commited to been better thats why i appreciate both you and @scopeman. As for the typos, that was really careless of me… overdepending on autocorrect and not proofreading afterwards.
    Lesson has been learnt and am counting on the two of you that commented to assist me on my journey to being a master poet

  5. ernoff (@ernoff)

    @sueddie this is obviously the reason i posted it up here….I am actually the narrator there… I wrote it two years ago after a christmas went bad….. as you rightly pointed out the work is very rough . It goes to show my amatuerish level of writing. Am highly commited to been better thats why i appreciate both you and @scopeman60. As for the typos, that was really careless of me… overdepending on autocorrect and not proofreading afterwards.
    Lesson has been learnt and am counting on the two of you that commented to assist me on my journey to being a master poet

  6. No problem…e go better with all of us. As for the little ‘i’ thingy, you can use it to your advantage in due. Most writers use it to show that they are little and not worthy of being a full person (in essence, a little person in a big world…represented by a small ‘i’ )
    On the whole, things can only get better. Like wine, we all get better with time. That, I know.

  7. @ Sueddie don talk everything finish. Just take it easy with the rhymes, so that they dont detract from the beauty of your writing.

    Well done!!!

  8. You have promise. You are actually good at this stuff, just a lil polishing is all you need to join the masters.
    I didn’t find anything wrong with your rhyming.
    You did good.

  9. ernoff (@ernoff)

    Well @kaycee you just reminded and pointed out to me that people have different taste and different way of looking at things. You guys at NS make me feel very welcomed and special here

  10. ernoff (@ernoff)

    thanks alot @lawal . Your comment is highly appreciated

  11. Not bad. Well, the Christmas spirit seems to be getting lost a lot these days…

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