Please, will you marry me?

Please, will you marry me?

She’s a pretty damsel,
finer than a pure gravel sand.
Give me a thousand bucks; I still won’t sell,
the love I’ve for her, nor bury it in the sand.
Owh pretty Miriam,
come and rest in my arm.

Came into my life in a flash,
stayed with me; I became changed.
Downloaded your picture from the net to my flash,
believe me, tomorrow I’ll get you engaged.
Elegant, gorgeous lady Miriam,
your’s trully I am.

My heart is aching, wanting you.
Please be with me, cuddle me up your arms,
so many guys are in a queue,
fighting for you, even with arms.
Beautiful Miriam, eating indomie?
Please! please! Please! Will you marry me?

22 thoughts on “Please, will you marry me?” by lactoo (@louis)

  1. I think this is really nice.

    Encourages some encouraging visuals…well done.

    1. not just thinking, it’s really a beautiful poem, keep on….

      1. Abeg sir…what’s your concern?

        I do not get it…

        1. @ Seun, u seem hurting @ every word. I hope all is well

  2. okay…
    stop FORCING rhymes

    1. still nice anyway, can be freer and unadulterated…

  3. “Beautiful Miriam, eating indomie?” This line got me laughing.
    I like your peom.

    1. the “indomie” part got me smiling

  4. Damn! This was so good.
    Wait o… Who wrote this?? The lactating kid??
    well… e try sha

  5. You need to really really improve lactoo. I am not impressed by this. Your rhyming scheme is too forced and awkward. You are not giving enough thought to the development of your lines. Also, you can’t afford to litter the poems you write with typos. You should treat each poem you write as something very special that demands maximum care and attention.

    ‘Finer than a pure gravel of sand’: what do you mean by ‘pure gravel of sand’?imagine you tell a lady she is as beautiful as a pure gravel of sand; will her face light up with excitement? Also why use ‘a’ to quantify ‘pure gravel of sand’? Can u count sand?

    ‘The love I’ve for her….’ You are writing a poem and you use ‘I’ve’ in place of ‘I have’; is that right or elegant for a poem?

    ‘Owh’ should have been ‘Oh’

    ‘Downloaded your picture….flash’. These line is far from elegant and doesn’t connect with the lines before and after showing it was stuffed in to rhyme with flash (which suprisingly is the same word) in the first line of that verse.

    ‘…your’s trully I am’. ‘Trully’ should be ‘Truly’

    ‘Cuddle me up you arms’? Is this phrase grammatically correct?

    ‘Beautiful Miriam eating indomie?’? Seriously? Are you kidding me?

    1. Thanks for this awesome feedback. I know Lactoo and other poets will gain a lot from it. I will give you 20 points for sharing.

  6. ☀◦°˚Ŷeah˚° I ditto adaobikwy, until U̶̲̥̅̊‎​ see the need τ̅☺ put content over rhymes U̶̲̥̅̊‎​ will remain a lactating wordo! Hope a̶̲̥̅♏ not too harsh sha?

  7. Though he flies nigh
    He would ply high!

  8. Very sweet on the outside.

    As a work of art, didn’t quite fly.

    Note what has been said before.

  9. gooseberry (@gooseberry)

    I agree with chemo… Sincerely, there is room for lots of improvement nd i blive u can.

  10. The guy d try sha, but…..

  11. Thanks guys. Nafin do una. Time will tell where really i’m headed. Lactoo the lactating kid keeps rolling.

  12. chimzorom (@chimzorom)

    Nice poem, good try at a romantic tone. I advice you really look into Chemo’s words of advise. You did well though.
    “Beautiful Miriam, eating indomie?”??? I wish you’d done without that line… kinda OOP(out of point) Kudos!

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