Against Her Wish?

It was a breezy beautiful afternoon, when boredom was showing off his dexterity to me. I must put a halt to this, what nonsense! Quickly and swiftly jumped into a nice Pyjamas, on a journey to spice up my afternoon.

“Chelsea vs Manchester United”, a boldly written inscription on a wall in one of the houses on a street. Wow! What are you waiting for? I made to walk in, but almost immediately, like an unusual coincidence, a charming, feminine structure came out of the house. Trekking majestically with; with her catchy curves struggling to puff out of her dress. It will be a miss of the century if I do not make this bold step. Like every other avid admirer; within few minutes, caught up with her to at least change pleasantries. Boredom! You are finished.

Hi Cute Lady, my names are Legend Ben, but my close pals call me  Lege B. Oh! That’s cool, and how may I help you, she answered in the affirmative,  sounding like the voice of the American Rihana. I like to know you better, and would love to say you are an epitome of beauty with a sweet stature, posture, coupled with  your angelic voice that no man would want to resist. Thanks, she beamed with chuckles.

Expectedly, there was chemistry, the genesis of a cordial bond was established. We shared exciting messages via text messages, night calls, visits to cinemas, football stadiums, etc. Our love had no bounds, even birds of the air knew us as best of friends. In the course of  this ‘lovy-dovy’ affair, I had totally forgotten the words of my late mother.

Simultaneously , calendar months and years walked side by side, and days flew like kites. The plan for tying the knots began. First was the conventional conjugal bliss.

Kolanuts, honey, groundnuts, bitter kola lay side by side on the table, showing a signal of traditional event. High Chiefs, dressed in gowns with red caps sitting comfortably on their different heads. Soon the occasion kick-started.

Interestingly, the time for dancing came in which men, women, even boys and girls flaunted their prolific dancing flairs. The gorgeously dressed women shook their butts continuously to the rhythm of the songs contagiously pushing the ever ready men to up their game by jumping frontwards, back and sideways acrobatically in a bid to beat the women to their game. Moving their legs one by each rhythmically, and with flutes on the hands nodding their heads like Agama Lizards, they played in the traditional tune common to the Eastern part of the country they were from, making the occasion a worthwhile experience.

The climax of the event came when my charming, ever-smiling bride was to present a drink to her supposedly known groom, while she walked from one tent to another, some of the seated men stretched out their arms as if to confuse her of whom her would-be groom is. Some even sang songs to divert her attention, but at long last she got tome, knelt down and stretched forth her arms, I collected the drink, drank with pride and   the crowd responded with a thunderous round of applause.

This followed with a holy matrimony at her parent church where we tied the knots amid several men and women of substance ranging from Ambassadors, University Pro-Chancellors, Chief Executive Officers of multinational companies and other government functionaries.

Euphorically, like the small end pot of the rainbow has more significance than the entire rainbow, my mind flashed back to her words “My son, do not, for any reason marry from the eastern part of the country . . . I asked myself “Against her wish”?

40 thoughts on “Against Her Wish?” by Whiz Da Poet (@whizpoet)

  1. comments pls…@Kaycee..what do u see in this??

    1. Na only Kaycee dey here?

  2. Punctuation is non-existent…and it takes down the quality of the story/the pleasure of reading several notches.

    I guess with the cliff-hanger ending…the ‘words of my mother’ thing…you were trying to create an air of suspence but it fell flat. It was not intense enough…for me anyway.

    Not bad. Edit.

    1. Presi! this happens to be my first trial on stories…I usually write poems..Anyway, I will step up my game..Thanks Bro. . .

      Thanks to Emmanuella Ndunofit that gingered me to try something….

      1. First trial and it’s this good?

        Hmm. There is something there. Get better!

        1. Really…U mean d stuff made sense?

          1. Well. I read it. And understood it.

            So yes…it makes sense…to a measurable extent.

    2. Presi.!!U mean there was no punctuations???

      1. It’s there…but wrongly placed. SO technically…

        it’s non-existent.

        1. Can u state spot some ??

          1. “Hi Cute Lady, my names are Legend Ben, but my close pals call me Lege B. Oh! That’s cool, and how may I help you, she answered in the affirmative, sounding like the voice of the American Rihana. I like to know you better, and would love to say you are an epitome of beauty with a sweet stature, posture, coupled with your angelic voice that no man would want to resist. Thanks, she beamed with chuckles”

            How are we supposed to separate your dialogue from action?!?!

            1. Oh! now I see where you pointing at….Presi..D Remix of this should be released soon…LOL

  3. @Akran Sewande..Pls let me know what u think abt this

  4. I liked the way you described the dancing part. Twas my best part. The cliff-hanger was not good enough. You could have done better with the ending. All in all, you did good.

      1. At least…1 person sounds positive about the whole stuff

  5. Sorry to barge in here folks. I just thought I should put in my two cents, or should I say kobo. Well, Whiz da poet, you had a great story there, but you somehow managed to ruin it. I hope you don’t mind some harsh words of correction because I have been helped during the course of my writing career by harsh critics, some of who happen to be good friends.

    While I must commend you for your effort because it is not easy to write, I must say you have a lot of work to do on your writing. I hope you have heard the words, “writing is more than stringing a few sentences together.” because you see, in my opinion, you did just that with this story. You strung a lot of sentences together and sold off some lengthy narrative without form as a story.

    The opening sentence of your story had me confused somewhat. Personalizing boredom was a nice start but the words “showing off his dexterity to me” wasn’t just cutting it. Then, you follow it with “I must put a halt to this, what nonsense?” leaving me in the lurch as to whether it was “boredom” that was talking or you. Not only that, your use of “halt” immediately sent a mental image of policemen trying to stop a speeding car from driving past a barricade on the expressway. You could have made more sense with “I must put an end to this”. When in doubt, use simple words.

    When creating a dialogue, learn to use quotes in new lines. Example –

    “Hi, cute lady,” I said, sauntering up to her. “My name(s) is (are) Legend Ben, but my friends call me Lege B.”

    “Oh!” she exclaimed, slowing down and turning to look at me. “That is cool. How can (may) I help you?”

    In all, I love that you are trying your hand at prose despite being more of a poet as your comments above seem to suggest. However, if you want to be good at what you do, you must work hard at improving your skills. I will suggest that you take some time to read popular novels or if you are a good reader, go back to your pile of novels and take a careful look at how famous writers tell their stories. Then while you are at it, take a few pointers from other writers here as well as on other forums, and then, give it a try again. Keep writing. The sky is your limit.

    1. @amazon101, your critiquing couldn’t have been any “harsher”. I don see NS persin wey don take over from me. Ami. :D Back in those NS old days, I was being attacked for my harsh NS commentaries. Check out the NS history, dear, and you’ll see what I mean. This comment of yours was both honest, insightful and analytical, to an extent, and @whizpoet, @amazon101 has practically said what I would have said, @seun-odukoya as well on the issue of correct punctuating. I didn’t feel this story, it was just too flat, even too hurriedly written sef. Abi persin dey chase u? Take am easy eh! :) The attempt is commendable, though, and if you wanna groom this genre of literature in you, you’d better heed to @amazon101‘s advice. I would, too. ;)

      1. @ Ellla, these your comments are both educative and humorous. Anyway thanks though

      2. @EmmanuellaNduonofit, lol, glad to know you are also forthright in your critiquing. We all need some pushing to get better at what we do. I just felt like @Whizdapoet needed some honest talk. I had harsh critics push me to where I am today, and I can’t help but be grateful. By calling a spade a spade without batting an eyelid, they helped in making me a good writer. So, all the best to Whiz. I am sure he can do better with time.

  6. @ Mike. Thank you so very much for this plausible critique. Your observations are well noted and as you rightly advised. I would look into more novels and see if I can get inspired by the forms in which they are written.

    For a young aspiring Writer….words like this could be a turning point. Once again thanks and more thanks to NaijaStories.

  7. @ Kaycee…Am still waiting oooo

  8. Whiz Da Poet, the only thing I have to say is: if you go out in your pjs and say to a girl “Hi Cute Lady” and manage to get her number, you’re the man! :-)
    Keep writing!

    1. Hmm….Are you sure?

  9. Whiz my man!
    No vex, I was delayed. I had to go look up “cliff and hanger”, as everyone was mentioning the hanging…
    Anyway, you fall my hand! Not too low sha…
    Picture your story in an antholology, will it get noticed or overlooked? Will it be preferred?
    Plenty typos, and kinda too simple and unconvincing.

    That your wife was too easy to get, and you even wore a pyjamas the day you met her.
    If you must write stories, read stories.
    Not only NS stories O°˚˚˚! ,

  10. Everybody just dey form scholar, editor, adviser of the upcoming.
    And dem no sabi anything o…except the Musketeer of course.

    1. @ Kaycee.. so whats your own point on this…Bcos Ive waited all day for your comments …

      1. See, many things are wrong with it. But you just need a little more work to get it write.
        This was first, not very interesting. You were in a hurry. You just summarized a novel. When you write a story, show us what happened, why it happened, how it happened, to who and when. If your story can answer any or all of this questions, you are on ur way to becoming a good writer.
        Your story wasn’t too bad, you know we will only notice what was wrong and not the good aspects.
        I wish I could dissect your story with you, so you can see where you flawed…
        But you are good, make I no lie. You just need icing.

        1. @ Kaycee…”Now you are talking”

  11. Anyway…I will do as you said ..Professor Kaycee…

  12. just one question, what was chasing you?

  13. @ Ada…I was not used to writing such prose…I write poems…So I just forced myself to try prose…courtesy of Emmanuella Ndunofit that induced my interest…So bear with me.. And mind you..A Remix of “Against Her Wish” should be out soon.

    Thanks though…

  14. Heed all the corrections above Mr Whiz Poet..this your story needs serious work I can’t lie…and next time try to write simpler. You were mis-using lots of words and expressions in this e.g.

    “where we tied the knots amid several men and women of substance” (correction–tie the knot, not knots)
    “moving their legs one by each rhythmically” (one by each???? one by one)
    “euphorically, like the small end pot of the rainbow has more significance than the entire rainbow” (euphorically? no such should be metaphorically or euphoric…in fact I think you should just delete this sentence..not sure what it meant)
    etc etc etc…
    Just remember my Oga, a classic rule is when you’re still an amateur writer, don’t use big words when you can use small ones. Big words can ruin your piece, especially cos amateur writers usually, almost always, MISUSE big words..

    Nice story. But work on it.

    1. Gbo, abeg have pity. This your list can cause depression!!!

  15. @Gboyega, I’m laughing at your ‘one by each’ pick out. I thought it was deliberate. Amateur writers learn with time. Don’t stop us from using ambiguous words. Only practice can lead to perfection.

    1. @ Gboyega…Mind you, I am not a Prose Writer….I write poems..Anyway, we grow to learn everyday. @Electrica..I am not an Amateur Writer….

      10ks for near-perfect observations….

    2. @ Electric and @Otolorin …U can check out any of my poems here on NS “Peeing on the Street” or “An Interesting Distraction” or “Venial Pains”.

      Lets see what your comments would then be.

  16. No mind them Whiz Da Poet, nice work. Though it would do you a lot of good to take note of the various observations. Nonetheless, I like the story. It’s just that I had to re-read the first paragraph plenty times, especially: “Quickly and swiftly jumped into a nice pyjamas”. It would have been more appropriate if he had jumped out of a…

    1. At long last …..I can now heave a sigh of relief….I can thank u enough Feathers Project…U need 2 see me breathing in and out…That was like a cup of cold water for a starving Homo Sapien …..Huuuuuh!!

  17. Sorry …”I cant thank you enough”

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