It started so innocently. It was just a comment that I made but it smarted and you replied with more venom than the words I’d spoken deserved. I was furious at your response and rather than apologize for my initial lapse in judgement I spat out my next words in anger and before I knew what was happening we were in the middle of a fight. A fight that had us slinging words at each other. Words laced with malice and thrown without thinking. We did not harm each other with blows, no, but we cut ourselves with our words.
The initial events will eventually fade from our memories but the words and actions that subsequently followed were much bigger and won’t leave our memory easily. No our minds will gnaw at them and leave us embittered.
I hate fighting with you. Why didn’t I just apologize the first time? Why didn’t I keep quiet when your words showed me I had upset you? Why are we still fighting? We are both miserable but yet we hold on to our pride and wait for the other to apologize. Days pass, they are spent avoiding you like a plague and replaying the scene.
Days have turned to weeks. The fiery anger has changed to the cold unforgiving type that places its owner in the lofty place of being in the right. People around ask us what’s wrong? And as we tell the story it becomes glaring to any sane person that offences are rising by the day and a heartfelt apology would end it all. At the moment however I am not sane and neither are you. Each narration is filled with new embellishments that neither of us would concede to having added. We even dredge up wrongs long forgiven to buttress our stance. In our bid to justify ourselves we trouble the waters even more and refuse to see we have both committed offences much worse than the initial ones that caused the fight.
Weeks have turned to months and I still remember clearly what you said to me or so I think. My description of the events of course has me as an angel. The months have turned to a year and people have given up trying to help us. I miss you. I miss the ready ear that listened to my woes, the sisterly heart that shared my joy and the comforting presence of companionship. A friendship we built over years is lost.
I just saw you walk by and as the bitterness wells up in me I feel a nudge. I realize in part my contribution to the duel and a longing for days long gone fill me. On an impulse I wave and say hello and I’m glad when you replied though with a little smile on your lips and regret on your face. You make to stop but then you change your mind and continue to walk. I watch you go and cannot help but think it’s too late. The friendship is lost forever, or is it?
Tomorrow is another day.