K’ Syndrome I

K’ Syndrome I

Tomiyin sat on the stool in the lab, as she worked on her laptop. Beside her was a guy in the graduating class, and he seemed so intent on what he was typing on his laptop, he seemed not to notice those around him. Tomiyin stared irrevocably as she wondered what kind of weird person the guy was. She was well known for being a very quiet person among strangers, and a chatterbox in the midst of friends. At this point she was really wishing she was a friend to the guy, so she could disturb him, and let him free himself of the air of concentration that from her own view would soon choke him up if it’s not broken. She shyly moved closer and asked what he was doing, and he replied in a brisk tone “working”. She just went back t her seat thinking he thought her appalling and telling herself to never ever make the first move.

The guy’s name is Kola, and whether he was willing to admit it or not, he knew he was already hooked on her. He found her really amazing in a weird manner. she had the geeky, no-nonsense look, but she always dressed really hot, like she was some fashion diva, and she was quite jovial and easy to relate with. He still wondered to himself why he had not spoken to her, yet he finds himself wanting her every minute.

As fate would have it, they ended up talking and became like best of friends. Whenever you see Kola, you are sure to find Tomiyin somewhere close (except during class hours). Obviously, they were both in love with each other and were not willing to reveal their intentions to each other. The holidays came in no time, and they had to say their good-byes. The bad part was Kola was going to be graduating, and that meant Tomiyin was not going to be seeing him anytime soon afterwards, as he would be going for his service year. They said their good-byes amidst mixed emotions, and promised each other to always keep in touch.

As luck would have it, the convocation for Kola’s set was postponed to the beginning of the next academic session, so that meant Tomiyin was going to get an opportunity to see him again. Before the next academic session came, Kola happened to be going for the Holy Ghost Night Service, and invited Tomiyin to come along. Tomiyin was not sure she was going to make it, but she still asked her father who readily granted her permission since it was a church-related activity.

Tomiyin chose to wear a red turtle neck shirt on a black high waist skirt, with a red flat shoe and bag. She used a gold long chain, and a gold stud, with a gold charm bracelet giving to her by aunt to accessorize her dressing. When kola saw her, he was stunned by how beautiful she looked in the night. He motioned her to sit beside him, as he took her hand to tell her she looked good. Throughout the service, though they both tried to concentrate, they found themselves stealing glances at each other. After the service, there was a terrible traffic jam, which even affected movement of people. Kola suggested that Tomiyin holds his hand tight, so they don’t lose themselves in the traffic, and that is how the love began.



13 thoughts on “K’ Syndrome I” by diamondsblings (@diamondsblings)

  1. Tense confusion.

    Poor Paragraphing.

    Little or no punctuation.

    Good story…made shabby by mistakes.

    Work harder.

    1. Thanks… I apologize intensely for the bad tenses, and lack of punctuation…. would work on it.

  2. Hmmm!
    Didn’t really feel the ‘awww, so sweet’ this story should have had.

    1. I get…. I am just learning

  3. The story had promise but was let down by poor execution. On the issue of tenses and sentence construction, look at the sentence below and how I corrected it.

    He still wondered to himself why he had not spoken to her, yet he finds himself wanting her every minute.

    He wondered why he had not spoken to her, yet found himself wanting her every minute.

    _______

    Do let me know what you feel about my suggestion.

    1. I like the change in the use of words…. it is actually a real-life story, so i presented it in the crude form… I think tis time to get my writing skills in line…

      1. Please do. You definitely have talent…and I admire the way you accept/react to criticism. You work hard…you’ll definitely be a writer of great achievements.

        Well done.

  4. I ditto Myne. Keep growing.

  5. On the rare occasions that I read romance ( :) ), one thing I look out for is how the relationship between the two people in the story progresses. If this is done well, then I end up cheering for them as their relationship grows stronger, and I say “eyaaaah” when it goes through a troubled time.

    But in this story, one moment, Kola was being brusque with Tomiyin, the next moment they were best of friends, and then shortly after that, they were in love. What got them talking to each other? Why were they attracted to each other? What things happened to make their attraction grow? Without seeing this, I don’t really have much empathy for the characters in this story.

  6. The beginning made me sit up, was expecting to feel the rush of romance, but u….. U can do better, u sabi write.

  7. I ditto Seun and Tola. Rewrite this…

  8. … quite a well-intended plot but was not well-expressed… could work on it again, considering punctuations particularly…

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