Have you been hurt or you’re presently hurting? Maybe someone you trusted stabbed you where it hurt most and you are emotionally battered. You know how it is; giving someone you thought was worth it all your heart and then all of a sudden, you realize the person took your heart, wee-weeid on it and then smashed it right back at your face. Probably your case is such that someone has just taken you on a long emotional ride and left you feeling like a fool.
Most times when we become emotionally bruised, the first thing we want to do is react. We react by various means like getting into another relationship to slight the other party as quickly as possible, by vowing never to love honestly and sincerely again, like a movie I saw titled ‘war on women’. It’s a story of a man who declared an emotional war on women due to an emotional battering he had gotten earlier. Some even react by becoming violent on the unfortunate victims that cross their paths. Others react by deciding to ‘play it safe’. They call it self-preservation.
I must say it is quite understandable the way people handle their emotional affairs, considering the fact that one’s emotional state is the fulcrum that determines the balance of the other states of one’s being, be it financial, spiritual, professional, etc. Therefore it is natural to see people manifest various attitudes where one’s emotions are concerned. So when we are emotionally challenged, it’s important to understand the issues involved because emotional issues are internal issues which unfortunately a lot of people fail to realize. It’s easy and more convenient to seek external relief for internal pain but whatever relief one might get from that may just be temporal. Anyone in this kind of situation needs to realize two basic facts which are;
For you to find yourself in such a situation could among other factors mean that something went wrong with you. I recommend you do some soul searching. Maybe you’ve been operating from a wrong or faulty value-system that has made emotional pain a consistent occurrence in your life.
Secondly, having found yourself in such a situation, it’s empirical to understand that you have a need. A need that can be described in one word which is healing. You don’t need to seek revenge, give up or become cynical about matters of the heart; rather you need to seek emotional healing.s
Times or moments of pain is not a time to wallow in self-pity or bitterness, neither is it a time to wish away the pain. Rather, such moments are opportunities for character development, fresh perspectives, and even fresh zeal for progress and most importantly a time to address all your hidden fears some of which might have brought you to such a state. I’ve been through a few emotional battering myself but I must confess I came out of them better and even sweeter. I remember being inspired to begin the writing of my first book (unpublished) during one of such moments.
A trap I often see people fall into in moments like this in their quest for some emotional relief is they jump right back into another affair or relationship, hoping to find whatever they think they need at that point. The point is, if you enter into another relationship with same old you that came out of the previous one, chances that you’ll have the same experience(s) are high. Emotional healing is not quick fix stuff. It is a process that requires a good dose of patience and consistency.
During this period of healing, your character is being developed to do what is right, like forgive, pick up the pieces and move on and if you must avenge, you do it the right way by succeeding because you have matured enough to understand that the best way to avenge is by being successful. For some, such an attitude portrays one as weak but on the contrary, it is a demonstration of genuine unadulterated internal strength.
Moreover, it is this sort of attitude that opens the door for events that will create opportunities for restoration of self-esteem which is usually at its lowest ebb during this period. Opportunities like the prettiest gal or the cutest dude around wanting to hang out with you among so many other people. Then suddenly you find that you have started feeling good about yourself again. Beautiful thoughts of the past and even the future begins to fill your heart and you begin to realize that you’re lovable and adorable because you will recollect those times you were so loved and appreciated by someone for no specific reason, just loving you for you. You might not have responded, reciprocated or even noticed such love then but the truth is, if you were lovable then, you are lovable now.
It was Whitney Houston that sang “… you can look back and say that you were loved”.