You may kiss the Bride… muah

You may kiss the Bride… muah

I hate weddings.

Not the institution but the ceremonies built around it.

I mean, the first miracle Jesus ever performed was at a wedding…and that should have sent a signal to humanity that no matter how hard people try, something would always go wrong at a wedding ceremony.

There were bad cases:

Anita and her Fred had been dating for 6 years.

On their wedding day, just as they were about to exchange rings, Fred’s ring fell off, rolled off into the congregation and was never found again. Someone had to borrow someone’s ring to complete the symbolic exchange.

There were critical cases:

Pius and Agnes had the perfect wedding in mind. During the service, as the priest was asking if anyone had any reason why the union should be consummated, someone spoke.

Today, Pius is a priest.

There were funny cases:

Oscar and Omatshola hooked up on facebook.

Both meticulous freaks, they were sure nothing would go wrong during their wedding.

Indeed, nothing went wrong except for their chief bride’s maid who stole the show with her scandalous dress.

So, when it got to my wedding, I prayed and trusted God that nothing would go wrong.

My father-in-law doubled as the presiding pastor of the church and couldn’t afford any hiccups.

We ran through the checklist 6 months before the wedding.

  1. Decorations – Sorted.
  2. Canopies, tables & chairs – Check
  3. Food – Check
  4. Sound – Check
  5. Coverage – Check

 

On the evening before wedding, we ran through the checklist again. Only the sound guy was found wanting.

 

When I called, he said there was nothing to worry about.

He said he’d been providing sound for weddings for over one decade.

I rested my case.

 

7.00am; wedding morning

My father-in-law was already at the park where the church service and reception were to take place. No sound.

He called.

I mumbled my way through.

 

8:00am – No sound. My father in-law went home to change.

9:00am – I arrived at the venue. No sound. I called again. He said he was close by.

10:00am – Guests arrived. No sound guy.

10:40am – My bride arrived with her father. The ceremony was scheduled to start in 20 minutes.

 

Finally, he arrived at 10:50am. He promised to set up in 10 minutes.

1 hour 40 minutes after the scheduled take-off time, our wedding started.

 

I watched my father-in-law walking his daughter down the aisle.

He looked happy. She looked beautiful.

Our guests were around. Our parents were alive. Our bride’s maid wasn’t scandalously dressed. Our rings were accounted for.  I had every reason to be alive.

I didn’t need sound to kiss my bride.

 



22 thoughts on “You may kiss the Bride… muah” by Dipo Adesida (@dipoadesida)

  1. You have mastered this style of writing: simple short sentences that always drive home the point. Enjoyed reading this Dipo.

    Well done!!!

  2. This is refreshingly different! (oops!) I love every bit of it save for one or two missed words: …had any reason why the union should [not] be consummated…;…the evening before [the] wedding…;Guests arrived[were seated, instead]. No sound guy.
    ..watched my father-in-law walking[as he walked] his daughter…
    Keep this style up! its unique and sweet.

  3. We live to learn.
    Thanks.

  4. Nyce.felt like a narration at d beginning of an American RomCom.

  5. S.S.S. Short, Sharp, Sweet.

  6. nice one dipo, enjoyed it.
    well done.

  7. Nice one Dipo.
    Brief and straight to the kissing point!!
    Well done.

  8. Lol!
    My alter ego is a fan of the RomComs.
    I won’t admit it in real life.

    Now I believe D’banj more than ever – love is a dangerous thing.

    Thanks EVERYONE for reading though.

  9. can it be better?….you killed it first shot

  10. It was lovely reading it. Thanks for sharing.

  11. I like this. Easy and pleasant read.

  12. Dipo! Nice one. Short and Sweet!

  13. Awwwww! Thanks.

  14. Really nice, my kind of writing, short and precise. Lol@ “today, Pius is a Priest”.

    1. With a name like Pius, he should have known he was heading for the convent from Day 1.

  15. this piece left me thinking when i would be walked down the aisle by my father………… it is a wonderful one i must say

    1. Don’t be scared – the worst has probably happened before to someone.

  16. Chioma (@nutritionalert)

    Something did went wrong at your wedding- you missed the sound when you kissed. Schedule a second wedding and try kissing with the sound.

    you are a good writer.

  17. I love your writing…it flows well and dont worry, all you need for the wedding is your bride, father inlaw who would give away the bride and the officiating minister…the marriage is what counts.

  18. Ose!
    Happily Married one year and counting.

  19. oya,wey this bride make i begin kiss am.lol.nice piece

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