I hate weddings.
Not the institution but the ceremonies built around it.
I mean, the first miracle Jesus ever performed was at a wedding…and that should have sent a signal to humanity that no matter how hard people try, something would always go wrong at a wedding ceremony.
There were bad cases:
Anita and her Fred had been dating for 6 years.
On their wedding day, just as they were about to exchange rings, Fred’s ring fell off, rolled off into the congregation and was never found again. Someone had to borrow someone’s ring to complete the symbolic exchange.
There were critical cases:
Pius and Agnes had the perfect wedding in mind. During the service, as the priest was asking if anyone had any reason why the union should be consummated, someone spoke.
Today, Pius is a priest.
There were funny cases:
Oscar and Omatshola hooked up on facebook.
Both meticulous freaks, they were sure nothing would go wrong during their wedding.
Indeed, nothing went wrong except for their chief bride’s maid who stole the show with her scandalous dress.
So, when it got to my wedding, I prayed and trusted God that nothing would go wrong.
My father-in-law doubled as the presiding pastor of the church and couldn’t afford any hiccups.
We ran through the checklist 6 months before the wedding.
- Decorations – Sorted.
- Canopies, tables & chairs – Check
- Food – Check
- Sound – Check
- Coverage – Check
On the evening before wedding, we ran through the checklist again. Only the sound guy was found wanting.
When I called, he said there was nothing to worry about.
He said he’d been providing sound for weddings for over one decade.
I rested my case.
7.00am; wedding morning
My father-in-law was already at the park where the church service and reception were to take place. No sound.
I mumbled my way through.
8:00am – No sound. My father in-law went home to change.
9:00am – I arrived at the venue. No sound. I called again. He said he was close by.
10:00am – Guests arrived. No sound guy.
10:40am – My bride arrived with her father. The ceremony was scheduled to start in 20 minutes.
Finally, he arrived at 10:50am. He promised to set up in 10 minutes.
1 hour 40 minutes after the scheduled take-off time, our wedding started.
I watched my father-in-law walking his daughter down the aisle.
He looked happy. She looked beautiful.
Our guests were around. Our parents were alive. Our bride’s maid wasn’t scandalously dressed. Our rings were accounted for. I had every reason to be alive.
I didn’t need sound to kiss my bride.