I consider myself a feminist and have always supported women looking good even as wives. So that means I support dresses that are a little ‘mini’ and a little makeup. Recently, however, I discovered that lotta girls look very different when they aint on makeup. Like Ada is fair when she comes to school but at home she’s dark. Quite confusing.

I know girls who have about four different layers of make-up. Sometimes, even when they shag with a guy, there’ll probably be about two layers left after the shagging session. So you still can’t tell what she really looks like. You can only actually tell if you go to her house very early in the morning or you sleep with her all night or you see her after she has just had her bath. In situations like these, most guys are usually surprised at what they see.

Girls don’t only do facial makeup. You have the different kinds of ‘bra’ that do all sorts of magic, like bras that help raise the ‘bar’. This is a more common story. There was this girl in school we always admired her boobs. Then one guy overhears us one day and says ‘breast wey don fall finish?’. Those  four words really reduced the ratings of the boobs. Not for me though, I know guys sometimes say those sorta sentences to get back at the girl that said no to them. But I later realized the guy was right.

So, I think this whole make-up thing has brought about more true-lust feelings from guys than the normal innocent feelings most girls want. I usually advise my friends to see a girl without make-up before making any ‘lustful’ decisions. No do girl today then  ‘dodge’ her in school the next day.


The main reason why I wrote this is to see what would have happened if guys do make up. Then I went crazy again and wondered what if girls toasted guys.

So, imagine a guy wey no fine go make up. Then a girl sees him at the cinema and goes with the ‘I-think-I-know-you-from-somewhere’ line. Honestly, I feel girls will suck more than guys if girls were guys, so I’ll change that first line. A girl will probably start with a line like “please, are you my brother?”. Now guys will likely be a little more stupid than some girls are now, so his reply will probably be “I don’t know oh”. The girl will then say “can we go home and ask my mother?” and the guy will agree. That’s how stupid guys will be.

Then we can imagine what will happen at home. The guy will say ‘I don’t like this oh’ and the girl will say ‘relax, relax, you be small boy?’ and the boy will relax and sex will happen and the guy will start crying when the girl doesn’t call him back.


Still living in the world where females were males, I decided to make up the way girls do. I basically wanted to know how different people really looked pre and post makeup. So, I told my mum to help me with some of her make up ‘things’. Her makeup kit wasn’t impressive at all. She had nothing some females I know, absolutely nothing. But I had to manage. I called my female cousin to help make me up. That was when I knew how well makeup could really enhance one’s beauty (or handsomeness).

When I started writing this, I hadn’t planned taking pictures. But as I wrote I thought it would be nice to try it out since it’ll hurt nobody. And that changed my whole idea about makeup.

First of all, you sweat a lot on make up. Like the foundation touches your face and you’re sweating already.

You’ll probably take everything easy so as not to smear the make up. My cousins even joked that the first thing you ask for in a fast food is a straw. Like, you don’t care if you’ll be drinking ‘zobo’, but there must be straw.

An average guy  has cream, perfume, roll-on/deodorant, powder, face cleanser and nothing more. For a girl, it’s a big box of all sorts of things.

A normal guy spends about five minutes making up, I know girls who spend thirty minutes.

I wonder why girls go through all these. Why force yourself to sweat every day? Why go to a fast food or restaurant and watch how and what you eat? Why waste all that money buying all that make up? Why spend so much time making up? The simple answer is GUYS. And somehow, guys don’t appreciate it as much as they should.

Yea, I know, why should a guy appreciate it?… It’s the guy’s money most times that buys the makeup. It’s the guy who has to pace around the sitting room waiting for the girl to come out from her makeup session. It’s the guy who gets to think Nneka is fair while in the real sense Nneka’s dark. But the fact still remains that girls makeup for guys.  And we need to be grateful for that.

Now I appreciate girls who make-up more. Not more than the ones who don’t make up though.

Look closely and notice how much I was sweating.





My cousins even called me African Queen.




Trust me, I’m not trying this again. And please, don’t try it at home.

35 thoughts on “Makeup” by Jaywriter (@jaywriter)

  1. LOL! HAHAHA… I love the part about girls being men… Somehow I agree with your idea of how it would be… hahaha… This was funny.

    1. Thanks Funmi-F. Think I’ll probably play the game with a female one day. She gets to be the man for the day,lol. Thanks for reading.

  2. You even made up!lol…
    But i noticed you said an average guy uses face cleansers, is that true? Cos i don’t know any guy who does that oh.

    1. @Elly Turtoe – Lolz… I didn’t want to feel like I was exaggerating, so I had to add it. Thanks for reading.

    2. Elly, forget about face cleanser – I don’t even know any guy who uses powder!

      1. You got that wrong Tola.I am a guy who uses powder!

      2. From where I come from, almost every guy uses powder oh.

  3. LMAO!!!
    Jaywriter, what is this? pretty guy, lol!
    and thanks for appreciating girls on makeup, no be easy job..lool

    1. Thanks @posh. Was hoping to satirize girls and makeup when I started writing. Now, I love them for it. I even loved someone for making a new hair. That’s how much I am into making out… sorry making up now.


  5. A girl will probably start with a line like “please, are you my brother?”.
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Seriously, that line cracked me up, big time. Hehehehe. Make-up is funny oh!!! Hehehehe. And it’s true we should appreciate girls n their make-up; it’s all for us. Hehehehe. But when U approach n them no gree nko? I guess the make-up wasn’t for Ur spec, hehehehehe.
    Nice one. U even went the extra mile. Nice pics. I hope say U no comot for ya compound oh!!! Dem for ‘chyk’ U sharply!!!

    1. @Raymond – Haven’t you imagined girls being boys before? If you approach girl she no gree? That means you can’t afford her makeup, lol. Couldn’t have stepped outta my compound on makeup. Could’ve gotten a couple of injections from my pa. Thanks for reading. No go try am oh.

  6. @xikay thanks for reading. Still laughing at your comment on that Elizabethan cum Shakespearan poem.

  7. *thumbs up*
    And to think there were pics to boot…….

    1. @village maiden thanks.

  8. Lol, this is so PRICELESS! The “layers” is so true, what with the primer, then foundation, then the loose powder, then let’s not forget the blusher! Oh my days talk about war paint :D!! The mascara, lipgloss, eyeshadow, lip liner, brow definer. . .I could go on and on, but you’ve made your point Jay! I always wondered why guys are so lucky to look OK without even a splash of plain powder!! Unfair!!

    1. @Marya Kudos I guess females are used to seeing guys like that. Thanks for reading.

  9. You wey gey dimpled cheeks, wetin you wan take make up do again?…….lol.

    Lovely write Jay.

    Well done!!!

    1. @lawal thanks oh. That thing na fake dimples oh.

  10. True talk you did here, Jay. I just wish i was a boy! I hated the stress, imagine that! I had to look good for my man because I get scared when he admired another woman! I even tried the fake eyelash thing, and ended up with blood-stained eyes. That was when i stopped the madness…I now go with just very little make-up and i look gr8 in it. Abeg, check out my pic! Man wey now likd am like dat, make him hit im head for wall!

    1. @Ukamaka You fine oh. I got this friend who doesn’t make up but still gets attention from guys. Person wey go like you go like you. But always look good shah, a little makeup will be fine. Thanks for the comment.

  11. I can say this was one of the few times I actually LOL!!!
    I’m surely saving this Jay, well done.

    1. @scopeman thanks man.

  12. Bros jay,shuo! *Laughing and rolling on the ground*i no fit laugh finish,after reading the piece to now see u in wig and make up,chai,u too much.ur gorimapa, no bad @ all.meanwhile,this is one of the very best creative craft i have seen in my life.funny,insightful,real,creative and thought-provoking,i beg u be baba. *Laughing and rolling on the floor*ha ha ha ha ha.u are not just d bomb,u are d explosion

    1. @sambright thanks for reading oh. And the comments, thanks for those too.

  13. i’d like to say that i make up for no one but myself (to feel beautiful) but that wont be totally true…maybe i think a little about catching that guy’s eyes when i put my mascara on or when i wear that top that makes me look great.
    by the way how ever did u realize dt the guy was right abt the girl’s falling boobs???

  14. Interesting Jay.Always good to try other people shoes,you learn a lot…;0)I don’t wear make up because I don’t like the sensation of having something on my face.And my hair is just my hair because I don’t have really have time or inclination to fuss over it,so I pretty much always look the same. :0)
    Love the pictures..;0)

  15. Tongue-in-cheek, very well told. You be original fine boy! Love the illustrations

  16. @doubleespresso – Thanks. Fine boy, not really oh, na makeup be that.

  17. @jaywriter, i just came here to laugh again

    i am thinking something though *whispering* i hope you are not a she-man!!!

  18. gooseberry (@gooseberry)

    I think your cousin is a wonderful painter…. If you goin to publish this article, let her design your cover just the way she designed your face and…….. You are getting too much positive responces…
    You cant write jor. ‘you know you should remove the first ‘t”.

  19. @gooseberry, thanks very much oh. Just go crazy when I can afford it, lol.

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