21st of July

21st of July

It was his only chance to get out alive.
He jumped out the window, knowing the entrance to the flat was surrounded.
….And he ran like he had never run before!
The memories of the event populated his thoughts, confusing his steps as he ran along the streets: destination unknown!

They had ransacked the whole place, collected all that was collectable and tied the couple together in the centre of their living room
Solomon’s shaking hands aimed and shot at the head a begging man. As the man stumbled, his wife screamed and he shot her too.
The whole thing took about 10 seconds, but that moment, felt like eternity…
The bullet left the barrel with a loud noise “bang” shooting through the air, heading for the target….

He remembered the words of Emmanuel as they planned the attack “the guy is like 32 sha. He lives around Igando. We know commandant for that area, so no be big issue. Tona na your car we go use”

The man had a look of plea in his face, as he witnessed his own death…..

“ No wahala. I suppose take the car go Cotonou go sell after. They say the maga na oil worker. Dem boys gats kishi. If that guy no prepare, he fit get N500,000 for house. Na small job. We fit carry Solo come” Tona added.
The bullet pierced into his skull, tearing open the flesh and blood vessels, lifting up the man from his feet….

“Yeae paripa… I don kill person. Na so person dey die?  Oh Boy I don become murderer! Solo, concentrate! Na him business jo, I gats to chop! Na these people get money pass, na dem spoil country for us! I gats to chop” he thought to himself.

Bang! Bang! Bang! Was the sound of his gun as three bullets were squeezed from the barrel of his gun into the neck of the wife, permanently silencing her.

“Solo, our elders say the one that befriends the Cobra and makes him play dead, is the one town crier would call the hero.” Was his dad last statement to him as he departed for Lagos.

She slumped on  the body of her husband with no care of her nudity…her body was lifeless.

“Solomon, you can’t do this forever! How those babes go dey look us? You no fit dey dey do mechanic work anymore. You pass that one well” he remembered Samson’s (his elder brother) luring line to him  in every effort to bring him into their gang.

A visibly shaken Solomon dropped the gun as his thoughts were interrupted by a gun shot, “RATATATATATATA!!!!”
…was the next thing he heard as the glass door (that covered the stairways) scattered next to him
“OPC PEOPLE DON LAND!!” Emmanuel screamed
Even as Emmanuel beckoned on him to wait, Solomon ran straight to the next room, which was a toilet and locked the door; his heart beating like it was about to burst.
He climbed out from the toilet’s window and jumped two storeys down on to the bonnet of a black sedan parked in the drive way.

They hadn’t thought OPC vigilante members would respond quickly,
they hadn’t thought the man would have only N50,000 in the house,
they…in fact they hadn’t thought about a lot of thing.
And Solomon was now an outlaw. He broke entry into a guarded property. He had the blood of two innocent people on his hands!!!
This is not the life he every planned for!!
He ran aimlessly on the street hoping that he would see someone or something that he recognizes …..
Immediately he heard that sound, all the lights went out………..

11 thoughts on “21st of July” by Seyi Osinowo (@seyi987yahoo)

  1. good, nemesis has done his work well… i enjoyed your story and your peculiear style…you almost got me confused sha

    well done

  2. I like your style but it can be quite confusing if not applied properly. [Recognizes] should have been [Recognized] since you told the story in past tense. Well done…

  3. Mr. C (@seyi987yahoo)

    Thanks @xikay,@scopeman & @Mercy Ilevbare.

    1. i really do hope this story written in another style for us to enjoy

  4. I personally think the story still needs a lot of work. It was a very confusing style dat gave the reader too much work. The story was ok though. More grease.

  5. Sincerely, I do not ‘feel’ this style at all. It is absolutely confusing and discouraging to the reader. But then, its your style, though I know and believe you could make it more friendly to the reader. Good piece.
    @Xikay, the style is confusing, that’s all.

  6. Mr. C (@seyi987yahoo)

    I won’t lay claim to this style of writing (this is actually my second fiction piece of work; I am still testing my “voice” in this genre).

    But bear this in mind; this article wasn’t about describing the murder of a couple in their home. Rather it was about the emotions of Solo committing murder for the 1st time. Emotion is a pretty difficult concept to articulate on paper. In fact, beyond Uwem Akpan’s “Say you are one of them”, I don’t remember any contemporary piece of work that successfully communicated emotions to the extent that (from my point of view) I was engulfed in the same emotional state as Uwem or the subject of the story for at the very least, throughout the reading of the short stories in the book.

    All in all, @Stan and Da Writing Engineer, thanks for your comments.

    1. If U were trying tp tealk about Solo’s emotions, then U should have seen everything through his eyes. Bcos U were writing in the 3rd person POV, U made the same mistake most writers make, which is to say what they seen and not what the characters see or feel. Next time, be the characters. U mustn’t write in the 1st person POV, but U must use that perspective in ‘Seeing’ what U want to write.

      And it was a bit confusing, like @Xikay said. Just heed the corrections.
      Nice one.

  7. no problem sir. Just keep trying,as we all are, and soon u will find ur own unique voice. By the way,to convey hs emotions doesnt necesarily mean u tel us al dat goes thru his mind. Most times,u simply show it thru hs actions.cheers

  8. I liked the story, and I enjoyed the way you showed the confusion in Solomon’s head. But I also feel that the story jumped around a fair bit – for example you start with how Solomon escaped, to how he shot the victim, to various flashbacks that show the events leading up to the operation.

    I think that if you had cut out the escape scene at the beginning, and instead started with him pulling the trigger, describing the bullet’s progress towards the victim’s head, with the flashback’s in between, then I would have liked it better.

Leave a Reply