Where is the Love?

Where is the Love?

Where is the love? The bible defines love as patient, kind, not envious, not proud, amongst others (1 cor 13:1-8). How many relationships apply this definition in reality? Today, most relationships use love as a justification for sex instead of the words lust or infatuation. How easy it is to say ‘I love you’ when in fact it should be ‘I lust for you’.

One day I was being driven back from the mall by Jide, my boyfriend at the time and there was this talk on the radio about relationships and we kind of got into an argument about it and about love. The next thing I knew, he said “I love you”. I looked at him as if to ask where that came from and he just looked back at me. Still perplexed as we have only been dating two weeks, I replied with a ‘thank you.’ I could have easily said ‘I love you too’ but I didn’t as I knew that would have been a lie, although I liked and cared for him. He made an issue out of my not saying I love you back and refused to talk to me till the next day. Two months later, the relationship was over without any notice. We just parted ways. Thank God I still had my pride and honor intact. So what happened to this love he had for me?

How do you know you are really in love? “It is when you can’t sleep at night because of thoughts of him, you wake up after about 2 hours of sleep with thoughts of him, you wonder if he’s ok every time, you want to do everything to make him happy” my best friend Claudia told me. At this time, she was infatuated with a co-worker and although he had a girlfriend who was out of the country, he claimed he was ‘head over heels in love’ with her . Where is he now? He is married to his girlfriend and they have a daughter together. So what happened to this earth shattering love he had for her?

“Girlie, when you fall in love ehn, you go just de kolo for the guy. Its only natural” says Kole a guy friend of mine. “Well no problem as long as the guy de kolomental for me. If it is going to be one sided and on my part, I refuse to fall in love, unless he is the one doing the loving. After all it was said in the bible that a man should love his partner as he loves himself and she should submit to him” I replied. Kole laughed “you are just being pigheaded and stiff. Let go”. Let go ke? And have this my tender heart trampled on? No way o..biko. There is no rule in any relationship handbook that says a girl shouldn’t guard her heart and be cautious.

Someone once told me to make sure not to fall in love but rather walk in love because when you fall, it might take a while for you to be picked up, that is if you get picked as you may be too traumatized to even ask for a helping hand. But when you walk in love, and you see a bad path ahead, you can easily turn and take the next path. As the poet, Archibald Macleish once said “love, like light, grows dearer towards the dark.” He calls it the “late, last wisdom of the afternoon.” It is the kind of love that grows dearer as we age, survives all disappointments, misunderstandings, quarrels.

I may sound like I’ve been through a lot of heartaches and from being in love but the reverse is the case. I’ve never experienced what is it to be ‘in love’ with a man but I’m waiting expectantly to experience this “ late, last wisdom of the afternoon”, the self denying love that is deeply rooted in God, a life long commitment that never gives up or fails.



29 thoughts on “Where is the Love?” by Diva Divine (@divadivine)

  1. I believe most gals know when a guy’s love is real.. What I don’t understand is why a lady would let a guy who she knows is driven by lust toss her about?

    1. My thoughts too…and its so sad to watch and know you cant really do much because they r so lost in this euphoric feeling they have that they lose all sense of reasoning…

    1. lol………seems like you’ve been tru some in the name of ‘Love’….

  2. I find this very interesting and true Divine, although some may argue differently, and I think it is quite sad.

    1. What is sad about this??

  3. @diva-divine, maybe… i find it hard to believe its real except of course you mean from God to man or mother to child… GUY/CHICK? nope.

    1. wow @xikay, it is really sad you feel this way. Me think you have to open your heart to receive and also give this kind of Love that only comes from God. shutting down every other faculty (i’m sure you know what i mean ;) ) so as not to be clouded by what’s not real. Its all about loving wisely….

  4. Love? I dnt think that word exists. Men will tell you they love you today and tomorrow, they will cook some lame excuse for a breakup.
    Nice write up anyways.

  5. You guys are scaring me o…..Are you people saying you dont think God exists??? Because God is Love..and the type of love in context here does exist because He gave that love to man and woman to share..the only thing is that a lot of us have confused worldly feelings for love…

  6. Love does exist, but sadly, the society frowns upon it these days. For a guy, if U love someone and stick to her, U r a Jew Man. For a girl, if U do that, U dey dull. But one funny thing though; those friends who will call U a Jew Man or a Dull Girl are actually envious of the fact that they can’t get one like her, or him. They don’t understand it, and people fear what they don’t understand. A friend of mine has been in a relationship with the same girl since 2003, and they’ll be getting married soon. Whether they had sex or not is not my place to say, cos I don’t know, but this shows U that love does exist. But so many things happen.
    Pressure for one. Ladies mature earlier than men, and as such may want to marry early. However, most times the guy is just not ready at the moment. The girl may then settle for someone else, ending something beautiful and robbing themselves.
    Also, most people equate love with spending power these days. While it is good to get your bf or gf gifts once in a while, it is not a duty, neither is it one-sided. It is not a one-way traffic.
    I could go on and on and on and….U get my drift, right?
    Love is unselfish, and never holds a grudge. That doesn’t mean it should be taken for granted though, cos it can leave too…
    P.S. I’m no expert in this, but this is what I have seen, experienced, and been made to understand…I hope this helps…

    1. Wow..Ray, you couldn’t have said it any better…

  7. hey DD, nice write up, very vivid!

    Just as you said: Love is patient, kind, not envious, not proud etcetera. So love becomes complicated carrying all these burden. Because it is patient, it lets jealousy come on board; because it is kind, it lets conflict set in and embraces all sort. love has its own natural problems- no love is perfect! (practically not spiritually.

    S.T. Coleridge asserts that: “…never expect to find love without jealousy.”

    William Blake in his poem ‘Sick Rose’ reveals that the rose which symbolizes love is being affected by an invisible worm which destroys it.

    love is naturally prone and susceptible to many anomalies. It depends on how both parties involved in it solve its problems.

    So DD, you said you are yet to walk in love? I just want you to know that waiting for the perfect love and watching others topple, learning daily might only earn you becoming a love analyst eventually.

    “As the true method of knowledge is experiment, the true faculty of knowing must be the faculty which experiences” – Take a plunge! and write us more emperical stuff.

    1. lol….this is just so you’ll know that this was written in 2006 so……so whether i’m still waiting to walk in love..well..no comment to that ;P..
      we may say there is no perfect Love but I believe that Love with all its complexities is made perfect in God.

      Thank for your comment btw :)

  8. @raymond, i gree with you partially. when last did you see love that survived financial lack except for marriages. before you talk to GIRL you must first have something she wants, most times MONEY and 99 times out of 100, she leaves you for someone better. io it love when a guy goes out and tell a girl he is meeting for the first time; I LOVE you. or a girl, travelling goes home with a stranger and has sex with him….?????

    1. stop acting the cynic @xikay. :P

  9. Well…this is all rather interesting.
    @Xikay…i used to be a die hard believer that love just didn’t exist.In fact,i was something of a man hater back in school but then i met one man and my life has never been the same since.

    I believe in love.I also believe that it isn’t the most easiest of emotions to handle but when your motives for loving someone are pure then you’re well on your way to experiencing love as God wants you to.

    Like Raymond said,many people get the wrong notion of love.For guys, no sex equal no love and for most women,no money equals no love which can be plain sad cause the man who has nothing buts love you like crazy may be a millionaire tomorrow and the woman who wants to keep her virginity may turn out to be your ‘freak in the bed lady in the house’ kinda woman.

    These days when i get befuddled about what i feel,i read the bible..that’s where the best definition of love is…if you’re not modeling your relationship after that then you may be building castles in the air..literally!

    1. Yes Estrella, I think most peole make the mistake of leaving God out of their relationships.

    2. (Y)…thats the code for thumbs up..I wish NS has those like or thumbs up/down thingies…

  10. @estrella, of course i can like a woman, be caring and satisfy her but i do not believe it is that LOVE that we so easily MOUTH and bastardize
    as a matter of fact, i can be more caring and devout than you can imagine…but..

  11. Hmm…Hmm…Hmmm.
    Love,well for those who have experienced it, happy you…for those who are yet to-you will have a new story!

  12. Kinda think the love thing exists. But it’s actually simpler than we make it seem. Kinda had this issues recently. Think one of me musings will be posted soon. But there’s love. And it’s something as simple as friendship. And whether we like it or not, sex(quality and quantity) and money(quantity) will always be part of love. Will take it as an insult on my personality if anyone says love not exist cuz that’ll mean my loves for NS girls are all illusions. Diva, you got a very nice piece here. I love you.

    1. you kinda think???? @jaywriter..it exists o….ashewo man :P, you wan add me to your list of women???..neways I love you too…lol…

      1. Well, kinda think oh. Make me no go talk wetin me no believe in. Think love is an advanced friendship. Like, the way friendship goes is the way love goes. I don’t belive in any other form of love. See it that way and see if you’ll reason along the same path as me. List of women? Trust me, I’m a good guy. Boredom just keeps making me love every girl that can write or speak good line, lol. You know what they say about an idle mind?

  13. With my litte experience in this ‘field’, i think love does exist, but to find am na die.Most times we (guys and gals) let emotion rule over reason.Perhaps its because in our constant battles between emotion and reason, emotion always wins.

    When we put reason, and as Diva has said here,God, things will work out for good, no matter how hard it takes.

    Well done!!!

    1. Thank you Sir…abeg make all we love believers try advocate for love o..there are some love cynics o..lol

  14. @jaywriter, abeg na which kin love you get for NS gals o!

  15. Hey Diva Divine, love you write-up and enjoyed reading the comments. The truth as I see it is that love is a conscious choice. Even after the “I agree to date you/marry you” part is over, you still have to work hard at it. Children (who grow into adults) first learn about the world from their homes. Sadly a lot of Nigerian children grow up in homes where they did not see “love” between their parents.

    Because Mama Aburo stayed in Baba Aburo’s house for 35 years despite his numerous “away watches” and beat downs does not mean that she loved him. The truth is where would she go? Her father gave her room out as soon as she stepped out of the door. Aburo saw his mother suffer in silence and he comes to see her pain and perseverance as the mark of “a good woman.” When Sisi Celestina balks at the same treatment from Aburo, Aburo throws his hands up in the air wondering where is the love?

    How many women grew up in homes where their mothers were “in love” with their fathers? I am not talking about the romantic “If loving you is a crime, I want to be a criminal” kind of love. I am talking about the kind of love where you not only share a bed/house, you share your dreams/hopes/fears. You truly share a life. Many young girls are told that as long as the man provides materially for you and your children and comes home once in a while, you should be happy with your lot. To expect that your husband would be faithful to you almost seems like laughable. That is why the money is so important for some women. If you can’t count on the love, you can console yourself with the money.

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