The Plan

The Plan

The Plan – FULL PDF

FADE IN:
INT. HOSPITAL WARD – DAY
EMMA, 30s, lies on a the bed sleeping. His head and right
hand bandaged.
EMMA (V.O.)
I didn’t plan I was going to end up
on a hospital bed. I guess that’s
what happens with a bad plan.
MOTHER, 50s, and DOCTOR walk in. They watch Emma and talk in
hushed tones.
EMMA (V.O.) (CONT’D)
I am conscious now. But I am
ashamed to face my mother. I am 34.
But I can’t just seem to figure out
what my plan for my life is.
(pause)
Today I tried making a plan, and
here I am.
FADE TO:
INT. BEN’S ROOM – DAY – EARLIER THAT DAY
The room is unkept. A stack of both dirty and clean clothes
pack at a corner. Worn-out dusty footwears litter another
corner. BEN and KINS, both almost 30, sit on a tiny mattress
impatiently. Ben stands, looks out through the window.
BEN
Are you sure he’ll come back?
KINS
I think he will.

To read the rest of the screenplay, and due to formatting reasons, Click on the link at the top to read the pdf copy. Thanks.



16 thoughts on “The Plan” by Jaywriter (@jaywriter)

  1. This is really funny bro! I’m also glad I am finally able to read one of your screenplays. Especially since this had like a PDF Format. Please do the same for the subsequent ones you’ll write.

    This was well written, except for a couple of things though.

    One is the age of the characters. The way they talk or act sounds unrealistic, and very unbelievable. That could take the reader away from the story a little bit. I don’t really picture 30 year old men behaving like that. Try making it more like the mid 20s or so.

    Another is the dialog. I don’t know if you’re familiar with “OTN dialog”, that’s On the Nose, which means most people don’t usually talk the way we write them….although it might not be that much of a problem here since most of the characters are illiterate, I’ll suppose. Try to include more subtext in your dialog for the next scripts you’re going to write rather than the characters explicitly saying what they want. I have a huge problem with this too as well, so you’re no alone, lol. So many screenwriters do too, even successful ones. I use every opportunity I can to improve as well, so, this would be an exercise for me, ahaha. Ok, for example let’s set up a scene:

    INT. CAFE – DAY
    ALICIA, a gorgeous woman in her mid 40s walks into the cafe. She scans the room, until her eyes rest on a gentleman, quiet in a corner. He’s DAN. She walks towards him, he stands, draws out a seat for her.
    ALICIA
    (softly)
    Thank you.
    OK, blah blah blah. They start to talk.
    DAN
    So, do you still love your husband?
    ALICIA
    I love him with all of my heart, we’ve been married
    for a long time you know. But now, he wants a
    divorce.

    That’s a bad dialog, I’m sure you would agree. Applying subtext will go something like this.

    She watches a young couple exit the cafe, ok? She smiles. She holds her finger that is supposed to have her ring. Clearly there is no ring there, but she starts to stroke that finger, while watching at the couple leave with fascination.

    The difference is, she did not have to say anything for us to get that exact information that she GAVE in the first instance.

    Keep writing bro. I enjoyed it.

  2. @Ayokunle – Thanks a lot for the comment. Always enjoy it when my scripts are criticized. Really helps me get better. I was trying to create one of those very stupid character stories. Think I always do that with satires. In the villages also, where this story is set, you don’t usually ‘really’ get bothered about job and wife and all that until you get to 30 especially if you got comfortable parents. So being in your 20s doesn’t come with lotta responsibility. But for more developed places, it’s quite earlier than that, I know. About the dialogue part, really get that a lot. Have been trying to improve oh. Know I’ll totally conquer that problem very soon. Your example was also spot on. Think I make that mistake too. But right now, doing lotta experimental stuff. Hopefully, will soon find out which genre works best for me. Will surely post more soon. Thanks again. Appreciate.

    1. Hey not a problem bro. We are all here trying to get better, and learn from one another. Suggestions from fellow writers should always be welcome. Keep writing bro, you’ll definitely conquer that problem one day. The key is knowing there is a problem in the first place. As long as you know what needs to be fixed, you can always work on it.

      I kinda caught on to what you were trying to do though, from the blown-out-of- proportion characters, It’s comedy done right. That’s why I said subtext might not work THAT well for this piece. I got your message too ,and I’ll definitely look at the script you told me about.

      I’m sending you a message now. I would like to show you something. I had an exercise I did, cos you know I said I had a problem with dialog too, I still do actually, lol. But I decided to not make the Main Character say a single word throughout the entire script, 6 pages. And it worked, I’ll send it to you so you can see.

      I will also send you a portion of a script I wrote where I employed the use of subtext. We can both do exercises until we really really get a grasp of it. I might send you a couple links too, as time goes on. Keep experimenting bro, that’s the spirit! :)

  3. Ayokunle, you are on point.I am gonna improve everyday i read good stories and good crits. Jay, nevr tire; keep writing.

    1. @writefight – That’s it. Thanks for dropping by.

  4. @jaywriter, this is cheating o! sending us into your archives…well your stuff’s always worth it…i’ll go read the rest

  5. it was worth the journey, just read the FULL PDF…quite nice

    1. Thanks @xikay glad you liked it.

  6. Will download . . .

  7. @lade, same here @jaywriter are we allowed?

  8. Thanks Ahmed.

  9. 30+ and still begging mummy for money to gamble? That was hilarious.
    And the part I found most hilarious was when the mom asked him to get an aeroplane next time,as that would allow him die faster.
    Nice work

  10. MADMAN WRITING O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Nice.

  11. Thanks @Abbey316 for reading.

    @seun
    I’ve been crazy since three when I had my first crush, lol. Thanks for reading oh.

Leave a Reply