So you sit and wait, for what? You have no idea, just that you must wait. You sit at your desk, watching, seeing everything and everyone in a whole new light. Your colleagues move about, without the slightest inkling of what you are feeling right now. But what are you feeling?
You smile at one colleague, nod at another. All around you is a buzz of activity; a beehive. But you are quite static.
You pick up a pen and doodle on a notepad; nothing important. You are just trying to pass the time, waiting for, what? You have no idea at all; you do not even realize that you are waiting.
Your mind suddenly begins to go back in time, automatically reviewing your life. Now you ask yourself, have I done the right things? Have I been a good person? What have people really been saying about me?
You want to know, so badly that it surprises you.
You look at your wristwatch, look up at the wall-clock on the wall to your right, and then you nod, as if the time is right. Pushing your chair back, you stand up and leave. Everyone you pass seems inconsequential to you, just part of the scenery. And now, your mind tells you, none of these matter anymore.
You stop and raise your hands slowly before your eyes. They don’t look like your hands anymore. You turn them slowly, scrutinizing them thoroughly, oblivious to all that is going on around you, oblivious to the stares you are drawing unwittingly. You hear something on your left, so close to your ear that you are startled and you turn to look.
‘Are you okay?’ a concerned voice coming from a concerned mouth on a concerned face asks. Nodding, you smile weakly, as if you have forgotten how to, and then you leave.
Outside the weather makes as much impact on you as water on stone. You make a bee-line for the gate, moving as though on autopilot. Once out of the gate, you stop, unsure of what to do next. Just then, someone calls you, somewhere from your right. Locating the caller, you begin to walk towards her, perplexed.
This is when a car slams with full-force into the wall directly behind you, just where you were seconds before. Shrieking, feeling like you are jumping out of your skin, you jump and turn at the same time, facing the wreckage. And you watch as another vehicle, a bigger one now, slams into the car, dislodging the hood, which spins, amid flying glass, shrapnel, screams, blood, and honking horns.
Your last thoughts are not really thoughts but questions-why did I come out here?
Your last sight is that of the passenger of the first car slamming head-first on the steering wheel, blood and gore spraying everywhere, and you dimly ask yourself; was that a man or a woman?- as the hood spins towards your exposed neck, the sound of the spinning hood filling your ears…
You sit and watch, not really knowing what you are doing. You just know you have been waiting. For how long? You have no idea; you just know that you have been here for a long time. You check your wristwatch, note the time. You wait for a little while.
And then you see yourself step out of the compound a few meters ahead of you. You see yourself stop. Perplexed, you call out. You watch yourself turn.
You look straight at you.
You begin to walk towards you, as you wait.
You see the car slam into the wall.
You hear the honking horns.
You are helpless, trapped in the confines of eternity…