Cries of a Virgin

Cries of a Virgin

There are many men that have passed through my life but none hurt more than the last. He was caring and sensitive; he held my hands and always remembered to ask how my day went. I thought he was a god-send, I thought he understood when I explained. One day I visited him at his friend’s place, as usual. We watched football on TV and I cooked for him. Soon all his friends left… alone, we kissed, we touched. I took his clothes off, and he did mine. Then it was time for me to relieve him but he stopped me. He said he wanted it the normal way. I was confused, we had done this several times before, there was no other way. In a flash of limbs I was on my back fighting him off. He told me to relax as he fought to hold me down. I panicked, and at the tearing sound of underwear fabric he stopped. He asked how I could continue starving him. I was sad. He told me that he must enter somewhere. I silently turned around and bit my lip to keep from crying out, he never saw my tears. After that day he never called me; nor I him.

My name is Ella, I am 25 and I am a Virgin. I am sure that caught your attention. Some of you may have scoffed at the word, and some of you would think this was a lie. But really there are still some of us ‘untouched’ in Nigeria. For those that feel pity for me, it is not from lack of opportunity or a physical deformity and neither was I abused as a child. I am not a religious zealot either. I just didn’t feel the need to think about it and IT. It’s funny how I have to explain why I am what I am. It’s almost as if I made myself a virgin instead of been born this way.

I used to have a dream that I would be first touched by my husband and he would boast even to our grandchildren that I was untainted when I came to him. Growing up I read prose from home and abroad that glorified virgins. They spoke of virgins being worshiped as goddesses, virgins being honoured by all, virgins being the definition of purity. Was it not our very own forefathers that celebrated our coming to womanhood with festivals? And weren’t 7 day-long celebrations held for the girl that was found to be a virgin on her wedding night? Wasn’t a girl returned in disgrace and made an outcast if she was found to have lost it knowingly or by accident. But now its despised, hated, feared and a myth altogether. The world has definitely changed; it’s like I missed the signing of an amendment rebranding virgins as social outcasts.

I cannot even utter the phrase ‘I am a Virgin’ for fear of taunts and mockery. When I was in school a friend of mine found out I was a virgin, she arranged for a guy-friend of hers to dis-virgin me and teach me ‘skills’ because “you’ll need it in the near future,” Men repeat the same reasons like memorized lyrics: You are not experienced enough. / I don’t want to take you to hospital when I am done, before your family say I killed you./ Hahaha, you can’t be serious!/ Were you a lesbian, did you just switch over?/ How old are you again?/That’s what you say now then tomorrow we’ll hear you are pregnant for your boyfriend./ Was your last boyfriend gay? Can I blame them? Maybe I should look at the commercialization of IT? All forms of media that bombard everyone with IT? Phrases like ‘IT sells’ that give the idea that IT can get you anything in life? Even religious bodies no longer advice against IT as much as they used to. How can they when some pastors are sleeping with their congregation and choir-masters with choristers? Custom, religion and just plain ethics accepted the state of virginity to be special but now it’s like there’s no space for virgins anymore.

I am still a virgin but I am tired. It seems keeping myself for my husband is now childish. And wanting someone special to be my first is now a fairytale. I feel like a myth in the modern world. The only solution there seems to be is to ‘just get it over with’. A popular Musician in the USA was asked if she was a virgin and her answer was “Oh No-No-No! I have already gotten that over with. Am a proud empowered woman,” I now want to shed the deadweight that used to be gold.

85 thoughts on “Cries of a Virgin” by AnnaBella (@annabella)

  1. If you thoroughly search a bachelor’s heart, you will see that his desire is to meet the girl of his dreams as a virgin… True Talk!

    1. Probably really deep down inside. All that happens now is really no encouragement…

  2. @annabella, if i got the first paragraph right, then the last paragraph aint right…You turned your back to get ANAL?…
    well i so so so enjoyed the piece. well done and i liked the way you emphasised the IT….gave your piece identity..

    if you are still a virgin…KEEP IT!

    1. The contrast is to prove that what defined virginity is now blurry. She was still a Virgin because she held on to what physically made virgins, virgins. The veils of purity and no-knowledge-of-sex had already been lost by her. The first paragraph is more like a physical manifestation of the pressures she goes through, and she finally broke.

      Thank you ever so much for enjoying this. My first time with this type of piece. I had a wealth of material from girls and I just had to do something with it.

      I found it more appealing if I personalised this but this story is not my story or just from one girl but several girls. Girls, because of the afore mentioned reasons I couldn’t tell what to do. Ella (representing these girls) is depressed and if losing it will make her feel better… Its not a moral decision anymore, its personal.

  3. “There are several Nigerians who are still virgins…” I can relate with that wholly. I believe there is immense strength in purity. Yes, I said it.

    1. Thanks Scopeman. I am sure Vs would really love to hear that people under 25 still believe this. Such a rarity…

      1. Err… Are u under 25? (Sorry, in advance!)

      2. em, who/what is ‘Vs’???

        1. Virgins. I use Vs instead in public because I notice people stare and ears perk up when they hear ‘Virgin’. Even if I were refering to the Blessed Virgin Mary.
          I hope u didn’t have a certain alien-drama-scifi serial in mind of the name ‘V’

  4. i admire you greatly! unlike you i have alot of friends who are still virgins so you need to surround urself with people that are more like you. and trust me one day u will meet that guy you will love so much you will not be able to wait to share that intimacy with him xxx

    1. Thanks Miss B, your advice is really cool. I used to give that advice too but one girl still went ahead and lost it willingly (like Ella). I no longer tell them to be strong unless they have their faith as a pillar of support. I tell them if you’ve already made up your mind just do it before you go insane or do something to hurt yourself, like the beginning of my story/article.

      1. lol… No, not at all. I had something entirely different on my mind.
        ‘Vs’ should know that they are not alone, they should be proud of their status.

  5. thanks for the exposition, @miss-b, i hope they’re from Nigeria!

  6. Its kind of funny, I just realised I take the word Virgin as a title of Mary the mother of Christ and nothing else anymore. I have bee brainwashed!

    1. lol… Brainwasheed? How? By who or what?
      Whatever you believe only makes you unique.

  7. This signifies tremendous inner strength…I like this piece. Great work!!!

    1. Does it? Why, thank you! :-) The previous 10 drafts I ve with diff POV are testimony to how I really wanted this to come out well!

      1. Well, it did. Good job…

  8. brainypoet- you are a clown in a suit!

    The last time i dated a V she was scared when we made out cos she thought IT would come out of me and crawl into her. A 26yr old. Such alarming and annoying naivety.

    The endgain is the ultimate if you can endure the stigmatization.

    it commands respect from your husband but really no ‘guy’ wants to keep dating a virgin(esp older ones). They believe they are being ‘dulled’ !

    1. I am lost, I am not Brainypoet nor do I know he/she.
      It seems like this piece has irked you a bit. We should talk, I could use some help on my next one.

  9. It’s a pity what should have been considered normal has now become abnormal, but a true woman of virtue will always embrace those values that are truly virtuous irrespective the level of societal decadence. But then again you are doing it for yourself and not for any other person. If you believe that being a virgin at 26 is sacrosanct to your future relationship with the man of your dream, hold on to it, even if many regard it as a sacrilege.

    1. Well, I had to check my dictionary quickly for this one. I can see you are careful not to say that the belief of keeping it for that special guy is just an illusion. But then again I would just like to know how or why things changed…

  10. Thank you all for your honest opinions. I have spoken to my mini-mentor and I have been made to realise that in my search for perfection I over played the ‘personalisation’. And there were one or 2 things I am also guilty of but that’s for me to improve on next time.

  11. @Colotrends, is that a matter of fact or personal opinion when you say that “no man wants to ‘dull’ himself with a virgin?

    I can’t seem to understand why refusing to indulge in sex before marriage should be looked upon like it’s a sacrilege or a crime against humanity. I find it both amusing and sad altogether.

  12. I think I should do a write-up on male virgins. the ones babes call pastors and don’t like to go out with. I guess some of them share the same pain as those Vs and are forced to do it.

    1. That would be really interesting! I would love to read that, its one angle that has never being looked @.

  13. @chuboy, i’ll be a willing subject lol

  14. After this am going back to Rom Com fiction. I have to work on where am best @.

  15. Frankly? I don’t see a damn thing wrong in being a virgin! I was a virgin till i was twenty four and then lost it thanks to bloody peer pressure and fear that I would loose the man i loved if i didn’t.

    While i didn’t loose him,we didn’t have a guilt free relationship either until we both *re-virginised* ourselves.

    Now at any opportunity i get,i tell people,’keep it’,it ain’t worth loosing it if you are not married.

    I’ve got five sisters and i make sure they know that too.

    What most girls (and guys) don’t get is that keeping your virginity isn’t for the sake of the person you’re keeping your temple(body) undefiled.It’s where God dwells and to desecrate that before being married(the only place where sex is approved)shows a blatant disregard for God and his rules..

    If you’re a virgin…good for you! Its not a plague…its a badge of honor!

  16. @estrella, you should have thought of that before loosing it. maybe if you hadn’t, you’d have lost your man?
    its so easy to say dont do this after you have gone ahead to do it… i support virginity as a guy and was one for an ‘ABSURDLY’ long time, as some may say, but its no one’s cross to judge others.

  17. @xikay are you willing to share your experience? maybe you should send me a message

  18. hmmmmnnnn. This is a very touching piece which really says it all. Virgins? Ah! Na long thing o! She who hasn’t yet ‘experimented’ with IT should refrain from trying IT cos its all in the ‘taste’; once ‘tasted’, its very difficult to stop ‘eating’ IT. And we all know its one addictive taste!

    1. Lol, you really hit the nail in the wood. Are you suggesting at 25 Ella is not mature enough to control her urges? And are you saying if you are still a V at a matured age, experimenting is not an option? So that means Vs wont get to have fun before they give it to someone they are committed to.

  19. @xikay…thought of what? The in fact that my body is God’s temple? dude,if i had known that before i got into the relationship then i would be singing a different song!

    and by the way,not all pple tell others not to do it once they’ve been there. Its not everyone who realizes the loss of treasure and goes about telling people to keep theirs.

  20. Very interesting read, I totally enjoyed it. A lot of people here have just gone on to say “if you have not lost it, keep it”, but that is easier said than done, and most of the people who have “typed” that here will not be able to say it out loud in public. I agree with you, without faith as a pillar of support, it is really hard to stay strong.

    Again, on this comment…

    “Thank you all for your honest opinions. I have spoken to my mini-mentor and I have been made to realise that in my search for perfection I over played the ‘personalisation’. And there were one or 2 things I am also guilty of but that’s for me to improve on next time.”

    I think you should take your mini-mentors’ advice, a lot of people here think this story is about you, haha, that goes to show how good a piece this is…lol

    1. Thanks LadyT! :-) Yes easier said than done really. Not criticising anyone but i do feel like a hypocrite when i say “if you’ve not lost it keep it”. That same person will go out and see IT everywhere and guys she will fall for will leave her because she doesn’t want to do IT. The world is just not Virgin friendly.

  21. Wow, so much debate going on here! First I have to thank @ Annabella for sharing this and making it open.I like the fact that it is not a judgemental piece and it doesn’t adopt a certain position.

    The issue we have at hand is a subjective one, and everybody is entitled to his/her opinion. for me,I’m not very religious, I’m more of a freethinker.I think it is conscience and mind that matters.if you are cool with being a virgin, fine, if you want to loose it for any reason, fine too.Just consult with the still small voice, that is what matters.

    I had a friend who was thr first to do IT with his g/f. he suddenly found religion and started having issues with his chick who wanted to continue doing it.So what do we make of that?Thank God they are married now anyway.

    as an aside, what if a woman decides not to marry.Do we deny her the pleasures of sex because she hasn’t decided to stick to the norms of organised religion?

    I think I have ranted enough.

    well done Annabella.

  22. Let me lend my voice here. I have read all the comments, and may I say, “Very insightful people here”. Firstly though, I enjoyed the story, it’s a new take on an age long concept. Virginity has been esteemed way long before the dinosaurs. Truth is, there would always be Virgins, no matter how advanced we become, the other truth is there will always be Folks who will lose it before they are supposed to. I would advice Ella though that if she considers it a valuable virtue, which she clearly does, she should keep it. The ball is in her courts though.

    Mr Lawal, I will have to disagree with you though about the issue of organized religion denying the pleasures of anyone. NO ONE, and it’s emphasized, NO ONE can deny one’s pleasures. It’s a decision you have to make yourself. If it makes sense it does, if it doesn’t, it doesn’t.

    It’s kind of getting old and tired for people to start blaming religion for it’s “restrictions” on issues that have to do with personal decisions, don’t you think? We all have choices to make, and the people who adhere to it do because it’s a choice, the ones who do otherwise too, because it’s a choice, and I’m sure you do know that, from one freethinker to another, lol. And hey, I didn’t get the memo where it was said that freethinking is a contrast to religiosity. Just kidding, but really though.

    If I may echo @estrella‘s sentiments, The ones who value the virtue keep it because they regard their body as a temple of God. It should not be defiled. Again, it’s a choice, and like you said, Mr Lawal, it’s subjective (i.e Personal)

  23. @ Ayokunle: Thank you for your comments.when I say religion, I mean it from the angle of fear that is instilled in people.Thank God for the enlightenment that he gave you, but what of others who are not so enlightened? for these set of people, the religious leaders they look up to just play on their state of mind to instill fear in them, and that is where I have issues.

    I don’t begrudge anybody anything he believes, trust me.But people’s minds have been so beclouded that they can’t make their own choices anymore, which is a very bad thing.

    1. Religion Vs. Free thinking… Interesting that they both seek enlightenment but they might defer on this issue. One says, ‘Please God’ the other says ‘do what pleases you’ I cannot conclusively say where I stand but I try to strike a balance everyday.

      1. @AnnaBella, Like I was trying to jokingly tell Mr Lawal, “I didn’t get the memo where it was said that freethinking is a contrast to religiosity” Religion is not a direct contrast to Freethinking, In fact religion does need it. Sticking to rules without understanding the purpose is a disaster. And it’ll be a shame that in the end, many religious folks will not even get to heaven. Sad, I know, but Christ said it himself. It is not in adhering to those commandments that really matters, but the purpose/reason behind it, the state of the heart! That’s what my bible says!

        I think rather that one saying “do what pleases God”, and the other, “do what pleases you”. I’m a Christian, and I “do what pleases God because it is what pleases me”, or another way, “I do what I please,as long as I remind myself of what pleases God”. There is the balance, like you said.

    2. Oh now I do understand what you’re saying. Fear in any form is crippling, and it’s very sad like you said that people don’t sit down to make their own decisions anymore. It’s like we’re living deads or rather robots just walking with no aim. Any slight command from others, we do, without sitting down to understand what it means first. It’s a very depressing state. May God help us all!

  24. Really really enjoyed this piece. I love it so much. You’ll likely catch me having this kinda discussions with my friends and sometimes even strangers. But I’m not one of those who would like to marry a virgin. I have had a couple of platonic virgin female friends and I can tell you most of them, not all oh, are quite delusional and illusional about sex. Like they keep thinking it’s something very very special that you’ll get married and start doing and it’ll all be very wonderful. Sex, for me, is very much overrated. Highly highly highly overrated. Have always known since childhood (Roger Moore in all those James Bonds) but it just became much clearer after doing it. So those who’re virgins and want to stay virgins, be my guest. Those who don’t want to, be my special guest. At the end of the day, virginity is even a much bigger illusion. By the way, compatibility in marriage ought to involve sexual compatibility. So how do you know if you guys are compatible without that? Just my opinion oh.

    1. The comment of someone enlightened. Yes it now seems like an illusion and the issues of sexual compatibility (unknown in the past) are on the front burner for everyone. But i would like to know why you personally wouldn’t want to marry a virgin, if you don’t mind.
      With the way the world is going its like everyone is sexually compatible if you just try…

    2. I just have one question at this point, two maybe, after reading the arguments put forward: “What is Fornication?”

      “Is Fornication good or bad?”

      1. the question is directed especially to @Jaywriter and @Lawal who dittoed him ‘all the way’.

      2. @scopeman – What’s your answer to your question? Forgot to ask. Any reasons?

      3. @ Scopeman: I think this is a question you’ll have to direct to yourself. I don’t mean this in any sort of insultive way.If you read my comments,I stated that one needs to consult with the still small voice before making any decision.

        But if my opinion is really needed to be heard, I would say i see nothing wrong with sex between two consenting adults.


        1. no offence taken Lawal, my head is clear… I respect ur opinion.

  25. @ Jaywriter: I ditto you, all the way!

  26. this is honesty and truth.i like!

  27. I found a quote to actually explain what I was trying to say:

    “Because he who thinks freely does his best toward being right, and consequently does all that God, who can require nothing more of any Man than that he should do his best, can require of him.”

    1. Your quote aptly summarises everything.Thank you very much.

  28. @scopeman – Fornication, according to the dictionary, is when someone has sex with someone he or she isn’t married to. Well honestly, I don’t see anything wrong or bad in it as long as both parties are okay with it.

    1. All religious people will find your statement very ‘heathen’

      1. @Annabella – Including you? Or excluding you?

    2. @Jaywriter, my head is clear bro, I respect ur opinion on the matter.

  29. …Peeped in,read through and i realised that my thoughts have been subsumed by some comments here.So, no comments.

  30. Good stuff, welldone…
    Hope it gets to those who need to take a cue.

    1. Noticed you peeking but continued reading my book

  31. @ xikay: make you talk your own now, abi? Will you choose to be silent in the middle of such an intense debate?

  32. brainypoet, you are smth else! Jaywriter, Lawal – you guys are non-sentimentalists, modern day thinkers but una know say for olden days, a woman that isn’t intact is sent back to her father’s haus?

    1. @colotrends – To settle all these, make virgin marry virgin. Hope that’s okay guys?

  33. ok una wan make i yan?…the virgin stuff is an area i usaually dont delve into..i was one untill in my final year in the university and even then nobody agreed that the ‘ladies man’ could be….i had and have ‘virgin’ friends male/female now but they are few and i always say: VIRGINITY IS NOT JUST DIGNITY BUT LACK OF OPPORTUNITY…sorry all…also i’ve imagined a scene where a girl gets didvirgined by a dude who leaves her in a pool of blood…yuck…not me sha………………..[i shut up here before i get lynched]

    1. Too late! *carrying torch and pitch-fork* >:O

  34. i said it…..i SMEll LYNCHING in the air…

  35. @ xikay: Okay o.Another take on the matter is he who is without sin should cast the first stone!If you have ‘punctured many holes’ and left atrail of broken hearts behind you, then you are not justified to go looking for virgins!
    That would be injustice of the highest order!!

    I have spoken!!!

  36. @lawal, i assure you thats not the case…i just hate blood lol

  37. raises questions… very good though

  38. Wow… The perpetual virginity debate… Before I address that issue, I just want to stress that you are a good writer. This was a well written piece- the nice balance of addressing a social issue without making it too preachy by including the painful experience of a character.

    Now, on to this virginity debate. I really don’t think being a virgin or not is a big deal. It is a personal decision and noone should be criticised for having sex or avoiding it. The thing itself is overrated to doing it doesn’t make you cool; in the same way that not doing it doesn’t make you a freak. I guess you are right, the world is so obsessed with sex that people care about irrelevant details such as whether or not a woman has had sex.

  39. i shed tears as i read this beautifully crafted piece of art you have here.Not because of any regrets,but because values are now painted as vices and vice versa. This is not what i was taught i as i grew beyond the age that ends with teens and now.meanwhile i thank God for those who are still standing.i think my story will suffice.good work anna.

  40. I totally enjoyed this piece. U made my day. Thanks a whole lot. I actually wished she had gone on to keep herself.
    I’m currently doing my Masters and i’m expected to have been disvirgined by now right? no. While i don’t exactly shout from mountaintops, I’m proud of the fact that ‘m still a virgin. I’m old fashioned and an incurable romantic and i’m waiting for my wedding night to finally do ‘IT`. I am not a log of wood and i do get tempted especially in the company of my boyfriend of three years but i constantly remind myself of my state. Apart from this reason, there are several others. U see, sex is responsibility. It’s like filling in a baby application-we all know that contraceptives do fail- i don’t want to be saddled with a baby until i’m ready.I’m also so scared of pain. I’ve heard all about it and being a medical person, knowing the physiology involved still doesnt make me want to try until when i deem it totally necessary. Also my boyfriend respects me for that. I have my doubts at times and i wonder how long he’ll be willing to stay without it- and he does stay without it- and i cant say for sure what i’ll do if he suddenly pushes it. however, the fact is i dont have to sleep with him to keep him. I’m leaving out the fact that i’m a Christian ‘cos i know Christians also do ‘IT’. It’s not a crime to be a virgin. Why cant people see that?

  41. @ bella nice piece of work,I think your theory of Vs should also apply to men. Of course we should at least have an atom of dignity

  42. I used to feel like the queen of the world, but the course of my life has changed

  43. Great insight into the dishonesty of carnal virginity. Good job!

  44. lovely write up @truthseekers i like the sound of “badge of honor”

  45. IT definitely was good. I like the subject matter, the way you presented it (without prejudice but with loads of ironic sarcasm.

    However, in as much as I love the general theme of the piece I tend to feel like it was taken on too much self-brutalization.

    Virginity is a virtue, for both sexes! Just like there are many “untouched” females, there also are many “untouched” males.

    I like.

    Will keep reading u.

  46. This is a great one. Today, the world has made an “about turn” in its values. The things that were right have now become wrongs. Sometimes, it looks like an offence when you strive – even in your personal life – to obse\rve basic values. I think the decision is ours to make, and I won’t compromise my principles for whatever reasons because they are what define, confine and refine my life.

  47. nice 1. nigeria is becoming the pivot of which great literary minds spin. thumbs up

  48. Very nice TOPIC…this will do well with young people today because where I am, kids as young as 9 are having sex.

    Sex is highly overrated and agreed the peer pressure is brutal. Times change and people do too. The so-called generation y has a jaded vision of all things sexual,sensual and consensual.

    This forum is made up of both the young and not so…I fall into the middle. I am a mother to 7,.had my first at 21 after 6 months of discovering intercourse. I was not pressured or felt the need to get it over with. I simply fell in love.

    20 years later, I’m still married and I shared the most precious gift of mine, with someone I choose.

    The problem today is not the media,or peer pressure e.t.c.; self worth and demystifying virginity would help.
    Some customs sacrificed virgins, some honored them. Belief systems promote it. This is all well and good but to be chaste is internal. The bible tells that the simple thought is sin…and we have those who anal sex has served as an alternative to preservation (thank goodness they have enough sense to know they are no longer VIRGINS) The hymen is intact, but carnal knowledge has occurred.

    There is no sense in preservation if years later you become an embittered scornful bitch!
    Let no one be fooled that VIRGINITY is dead…far from it. There are many ,both male and female. Choosing to be celibate until you are comfortable should not make you uncomfortable and the morons who jest and mock only do so because the morale fiber in them is dead.

    Well done for such a well scripted informative and encouraging piece, what is life after all, if we don’t have choices?

  49. My sympathies are with the guy in this narrative. If you don’t want to go all the way, stop teasing by going half-way. Body no be firewood. I like controversial pieces like this. Good one there.

  50. s'am (@samenyuch)

    true true , the world aint virgin friendly sha :) . nice piece

  51. interesting………………

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