I have a new job.

I’m so excited I wake up every morning singing at the top of my lungs. I have two weeks to prepare for my new found adventure at Jade Consult. Tomi thought I was kidding when I told him I was moving on. I guess somewhere in his small mind he thought I would stick around forever. He cut my pay twice and refused me my benefits. Well I promised myself not to court trouble; I would have sued him for all he was worth.

But hey! This is celebration, ‘Think pleasant thoughts’ I say to myself.

So I’m here thinking, what do I need? I go through my ever growing list.

More clothes? Check!
More shoes? Check!
I’ve been given a new laptop, check!
Plus an inedible blackberry! Check!

Wait a minute, Jade Consult is farther than my usual route, and did that nice looking HR Manager say something about an official car? I rush to my room, hurriedly looking through my files, I pull out the Appointment letter with a flourish, and right there, fourth on the list is an official car. I let out a shout of triumph, fist in the air. My sister rushes in thinking I had mistaken the facial cleanser for the mouthwash, again.

“Are you alright?” she says peering into my mouth.

“Never been better, I have a car!” I quip

She looks lost, “I don’t see one in our lot, except of course you parked it under your bed”
She bends down to look. I pull her up and sit her on the bed, with a thud.

“Quit joking. They’re giving me an official car at my new job!”

I love the look of surprise on her face as her mouth forms a cute little ‘O’.


“You can say that again” I fall back on the bed my eyes on the ceiling, a somber mood washing over me “we have a car, I wish mum was here”

“She’ll be proud. …..but don’t you think there’s a problem?”

“I don’t see what” I say as I rise from the bed.

“Honey, you can’t drive” she says it slowly, like I’m a little dense

I roll my eyes at her, “Like I don’t know. Anyway that’s a small detail”

I pick up my phone and start scrolling through the numbers.

“I’m calling Gbola now, he’ll teach me. I’ll be at the FRSC by weekend; I’ll pass the test and get my License. Simple” I rubberneck.

“I hope” it’s her time to roll her eyes at me.

My brother, Gbola, comes around to teach me to drive. He’s wanted to do this forever so naturally he’s as excited as I am. Sad thing is, all excitement drains out of my bones when I see the contraption I’ll be learning in. I walk around it staring at the monstrous mass of metal.

“It’s the caricature of a jeep!” I say with a mournful look

“C’mon, it’s Kola’s and it will certainly do. Huh…except you don’t want to learn o” he says, with a look of challenge.

I swallow painfully, nodding slightly.

And we begin the lessons, in my brother’s friend’s Four Wheel, Two Door, Can’t -go-in through -the -drivers -seat, Manual drive.

I learn of the Brake pedal (which I use a lot as every object on the road scares me), the accelerator and the clutch pedal (which I hate with a passion).

The lever on the driver’s seat won’t work so I’m at a very uncomfortable distance away from the pedals. Gbola says I need to press hard on the already hard clutch pedal to keep it down. This is terrible as my legs lie at a 180 degree position in my attempt to do that. The muscles in my legs and ankles scream at me and I crave for the comfort of my soft bed

I struggle to keep it moving but the car has a mind of its own. I get funny glances from the few people on the deserted road as the Four Wheel, Two Door, Can’t -go-in through -the -drivers -seat, Manual drive goes jerk -stop- puff- and-smoke. I feel like a clown.

I survive.

My new car is nothing like my classroom one. It comes with split folding seats with adjustable headrests, center console armrest, Defroster-linked air conditioning and best of all, it’s an automatic drive with no clutch pedals to contend with.

Ah! My ankles testify.

20 thoughts on “Jerk-Stop-Puff-and-Smoke!” by RemiRoy (@RemiRoy)

  1. Umm, automatic transmissions don’t have clutch pedals.

  2. hmmm, my bad…
    tnx, plenty

  3. @Kay9. amended. no clutch pedals. i wont forget that now. tnx

  4. @Remi..a little research will have covered that,wondered how i haven’t read this all this while.
    its a n interesting piece and i like it.

  5. Very , very likey!

  6. @paul. u nailed it. i’ll be more careful next time.

    @mercy. tnx dearie

  7. I like this. Can imagine the continous ritual of jerk-stop-puff-and-smoke. Totally embarrassing.

    1. Embarrassing is an understatement!
      Tnx abby!

  8. ok, i dont get the comments very much but the story was short and nice.

  9. @Yinka, I understand what you mean. I goofed in some details in the story, Kay9 pointed it out and I corrected it.
    Thanks for the comment tho.
    Glad you liked it.

  10. Hahahahaha….reminds me of the first time I got behind the wheel and moved a car. First, I just couldn’t get the car to move on a straight line. It kept veering off the road and then, I had the clutch pedal to contend with…OH DID THAT PEDAL GIVE ME NIGHTMARES??? and you’re so right…the brake was my favorite…lol. That’s a good one Remi, yet again,you captured it most perfectly.

    1. Lol, girl. Glad you ‘feel’ me. Learning to drive is one funnny experience.
      I’m sure every girl has some story around it. :)

  11. The story veered from being about the new job to being about learning to drive. Just like that? Each bit is interesting, but it doesn’t come together for me.

  12. “rubberneck” that’s a term we used a lot in my secondary school. what secondary school did you finish from. Nice story BTW

  13. hmm…I like the excitement of the MC. I can clearly relate. Nice Story too!

  14. Interesting story. A new job? I know that feeling.

  15. dagbeyon (@dagbeyonthomas)

    Nice story, nice change from job to car. Short and catching.

  16. Hmm….Every young professional’s Fantasy….Nice.

  17. Loool i love this. Great great job

  18. This is one of those I can only describe as…sweet.

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