Breathing Again!

Breathing Again!

He could hear her voice as he slowly ascended the stairs, asking the kids to be seated for breakfast. He knew she’d be home even though he hadn’t been able to reach her via phone. She turned off her phone whenever she didn’t want to be disturbed by anyone but he was always welcome, she’d told him, whether or not her line connected. She would always be home anyway. He had to come in through the main entrance at such times but he didn’t mind, neither did anyone else. They were more glad she was speaking to anyone at all.

They were all seated; the kids at their table and they at theirs when her phone rang.

“It’s your Mom” She called out to the eldest of the kids who went up to answer it.

“Hello Mom”

The conversation went on with the regular “Yes Mom” and “Fine” until they heard him say, “I don’t think we should come home yet Mom. We’ll try not to disturb her but she needs us. You know she doesn’t laugh anymore, she just has this sad smile on. But she’s started to hug and kiss us again as before. We can’t leave now.”

Her eyes watered at the child’s words and he took her hand from across the table and began to gently stroke it. She looked at him through her tear-filled eyes and lamented, “What have I done? I’ve turned the boy into a man! He shouldn’t be this grown-up and worried about me; I should be.” He smiled as she spoke but kept stroking her hand. It felt relaxing.

With the end of the call came a silence that wore on, the kids cleared up their table and silently left the adults alone. In the silence, he looked at her. There was a calmness about her. Gone were the boisterousness of her youth; of their youth. He loved her; he’d never stopped but he needed to know if a chance existed for him. He stroked her hand now to get her attention. She looked up.

“You are different!” He said

“Pain played its part; maybe the greater part.” She responded

She bent her head but he nudged her again. This time, she saw in his eyes the pain of a past unfulfilled and the hope of a future? She furrowed her brows then smiled with understanding.

“I am not willing to lose you again but I cannot compete with a memory.” He started

“Then don’t!” She said “Make yours’.”

Then she smiled her assent. It was time to try again!

12 thoughts on “Breathing Again!” by abby (@abby)

  1. Kinda a little confused but got the message clearly. Reminds me of the film ‘To Love a Woman’ and the song ‘Some Prisons Don’t Have Walls’. Good one abby. Really enjoyed it. But still need clarification on the characters.

  2. I agree with @Jaywriter, Abby, i need clarification on the characters. But the writing, as always, is beautiful.

  3. Naijamum (@Naijamum)

    This is the first time I’ve read any of your stories and I do like the style.
    However, I do feel like I ‘ve been given a whiff of a nice story and then its been snatched away.(Almost like a hungry man smelling better jollof rice from afar only to be told he cant have some)! *smile*
    This could work both ways – (1) leaving me eager for more OR frustrated….!

  4. And you kept accusing me of leaving my readers hungry for more. You’ve aroused great expectation with this one Abby, hurry up with the other part(s). Well done!

  5. This again is a good one…though waiting on the next part as I hunger for more!

  6. Gals and guys, I doubt this story is serialised, o, biko! I no want part 2 AT ALL! :(

    @Abby, I go with John on the issue of the characters. My focus is on the kids. Whose kids are they? The narration is near-flawless, that’s good. Good storytelling, indeed. Good descriptive power as well. Well done!

    I just fear that we aspiring fiction writers are sounding alike in our fiction writing. It shouldn’t take long for us to find our footing in fiction and also our individual voices as well. We may be all out to present events, people, situations in a simple manner, but we find ourselves speaking one voices instead of having distinct voices.

    Do not rest on the kudos. “Don’t settle for ‘very good’ when ‘excellent’ is around the corner” – Eyisi. I, em, paraphrased that quote, sorry.

  7. I was able to clear my confusion about the characters by reading it a second time. I like emotionally dramatic stories, and this one has much promise… I am wishing you have plans to give us the full story.

  8. I agree with some, i need an explanation but i really like the way the story started. I am thirsty for more.Good one.

  9. finally Abby, glad to be reading from you again. like the story even though it was kinda short and looks like it was wanting in some places, there’s plenty that was left to the imagination.
    well done ma

  10. @Abby, from what I can gather, the children are staying with an unnamed woman who is not their mother (maybe she’s their aunt?) and who is recovering from some kind of incident, and this woman is being visited by a man who loves her, but beyond that, I cannot say what is happening. The paucity of details of the situation prevents me from appreciating the story as much as I would have liked.

  11. i ditto Tola.narration was perfect, descriptions were spot on, but there are too many areas where we were left hanging.

    I would love to see this when you’ve taken all these points into consideration, that is if you choose to.

    Well done!!!

  12. I dare say I love this because you left a lot of room for us to fill in the blanks – the words of the boy evoke a familiarity and love that can be shown a grandmother, as do the man’s thoughts about their youth; I see two people who finally get a second chance at love.

    Perfect. Well-told. Thank you.

Leave a Reply