Tag Archives: Humour

In-perfection #1

“Jesu!” she exclaimed as she peered at the Infinix Phone in her hand – 6.35am. She kicked her wrapper off and scrambled out of her room into the sitting room. Empty! She was either unsurprised or too much in a hurry to care. She was late again and she needed to be in church…like ten … Continue reading In-perfection #1

The Wotar Thief 2

Just as our assembly was disarranged as everyone had to go back to completing their early morning chores which also included those that had to go back to their warm beds we began hearing a loud wail from the single bathroom that we all shared. “Help! Help o, Pepper, Pepper, Pepper o, Somebody Help o” … Continue reading The Wotar Thief 2

Handicap

Handicap

I am swarthy, swarthier than Udogwugwu’s impassive countenance. Every night I lie, like a green snake skulking its predator’s sward-surrounded purlieus, in apprehensive anticipation of day.   My hazel eyes are Granny’s snuff store; my nasal bore Ojadili’s fetish-flute. Little children can, for firewood, fetch my gnarled legs.   My visage is bumpy, with a … Continue reading Handicap

#This Is A Real Memoir, I Swear#

#This Is A Real Memoir, I Swear#

It was the eve of Christmas ‘013, and the family was in Georgia for the holidays. The neighbourhood was cloyed with the savory scent of sugar-coated edibles, and all the other things I loathe about the season; the caroling, the heartfelt cheer, the decorating, the baking, Santa, the maxed out credit cards, the belated gifts, … Continue reading #This Is A Real Memoir, I Swear#

MANHOOD IN THE MOUTH (a short play)

MANHOOD IN THE MOUTH (a short play)

Moses S. Olarotimi -TALESMEN   ACT 1, SCENE 1   (At the palace, King Gbadegeshin; his wife; Iyalode and his council-chiefs are all seated in deliberation. In walks Dongari; a village warrior with some men and Ifedunni; the village harlot)   Dongari: (breathing heavily) Your Highness we caught her with his manhood in her mouth. … Continue reading MANHOOD IN THE MOUTH (a short play)

Why I Donated It To Charity

Yesterday, I said to myself “Why ride Honda Element When you’re not a scientist?” So I donated it to charity But if you still The state of bewilderment To wonder What brand of car Myself bought in replacement? Hmmm… I would have bought A Mitsubishi Carisma If I were to be A motivational speaker I … Continue reading Why I Donated It To Charity

I Don’t Even Know What To Call It, Just Read…

So far so good. We were in the seventh period, and I think I’d managed the first six pretty well. I hadn’t taken the word ignorance to a new level….yet, and my self-respect hadn’t depreciated, at least not significantly….I was on top of the world… Until my lecturer decided to switch things up a bit, … Continue reading I Don’t Even Know What To Call It, Just Read…

Crash Course

Crash Course

It’s raunchy and in pidgin. Beware…   ***                        ***                        ***                        ***                        ***                        *** “I no go huzzle (till infinity) but I go bubble (till infinity)…” I pick d phone. Wizboyy na my man. I no go change my ringing tone till I buy my own jeep. Or till Showkey Baba release song again; anyone wey … Continue reading Crash Course

Child Story (1)

In the late 70s and mid-80s, it was wonderful to be a kid in Northern Nigeria. We had a pleasant childhood. You know all those adventures you read and day dreamed about? We had them all. Now, if all the adventures you read about were all Enid Blyton, flying broomsticks and brooks and meadows and … Continue reading Child Story (1)

Call Center Crazies

Call Center Crazies

“Good morning. Welcome to to Prytel Wireless. My name is Tunji Lekan. How may I help you?….” Yes, this is me, back at my job at 2:30 am, a time other normal people would be asleep. Honestly, I must admit that if, say, my father were Bill Gates, meaning I wouldn’t have to work a … Continue reading Call Center Crazies