Okay, where do I start?
This is too long, and needlessly long. What is the essence of this story? I wanted to stop half-way and just comment, but I thought I owed you due diligence so I finished it. I enjoyed the […]
Another ‘Fattening room’ story and I didn’t tire reading another one because this was told well. Can I take the beautiful Uduak home with me? :D. In three sentences you made her ‘sumptuous’. ‘Sumptuous’ – I hope […]
I enjoyed this, the suspense most of all. The first sentence was a good opening – it instantly placed me at the scene of the story. It needs some editing. Some of the sentences need ‘trimming’. ‘…the blades of […]
I enjoyed the commanding tone the narrative had, especially at the beginning. I really loved the first paragraph. I learnt quite a bit from this piece. This – ‘…because of our minor status, we suffer […]
I loved this story. The fact that you put a ‘whole story’ into 300 words is admirable. I enjoyed most the undercurrent philosophy of ‘Sangi Layi’ – these bits of the dialogue resonated: ‘The one who gives another […]
I liked this story; I followed the narrative of the traditional wedding. Thank you for bringing that part of TIV culture to the fore.
“It’s ironical sometimes that a step backwards is what moves the society […]
Thank you for bringing a minority ethnic group to the fore. I haven’t heard of the. Alago people before, neither have I heard of the Amiri festival nor what an oke is. A lot has been said on how this story can be […]
It’s amusing to see what an ‘outsider’ sees from the inside. I enjoyed your description of the dance; I found myself imagining it, trying to see if I could get the dance. I learnt a new culture here, thank you. […]
@agbonkhese Thanks. The ‘no story’ ba… :D. Yeah, living with her consequences is unavoidable regardless of what the future holds for her. Perhaps next time I’d infuse some morals for those who need a glaring […]
I loved the imagery of this story. The ending didn’t seem forced which I think showed the quality of the storytelling. I questioned the part where he asked her to keep it a secret. If it was a tradition, why tell […]
Hot. Hot. Hot. I enjoyed the paragraphing, the sequencing of your narrative; it flowed like the sexy dance between the two cousins. The crescendo of the dance saw her leave for school. Thrilling work. Gosh. Well done.
Powerful imagery. The language appealed to me a lot. I loved your use of words. Thank you for your craftsmanship. I, however, didn’t like this piece because there was no ‘story’ per se to connect to. Good work. Well done.