I called my office and requested to speak with the Chief of Operations, someone we call McLaw.
“Hey Chris. What’s the situation on ground” he asked
“Not good boss, not good at all”
“Tell me ’bout it”
If this is a work of suspense, I think its great. Only that, your paragraphing and breakage / linkage needs to be addressed. Also, the ending has to be captivating to ginger people towards reading the next part.