It’s raunchy and in pidgin. Beware… *** *** *** *** *** *** “I no go huzzle (till infinity) but I go bubble (till infinity)…” I pick d phone. Wizboyy na my man. I no go change my ringing tone till I buy my own jeep. Or till Showkey Baba release song again; anyone wey … Continue reading Crash Course
Let me apologize first for not giving you a sequela for so long. No excuse is worth it. Also this part makes no sense if you haven’t read the Death Of John Okro (1) So enjoy… ************************ “Una serious at all?” Bento snorted at his two cohorts. Osho especially, had never been so happy to … Continue reading The Death of John Okro (2)
************************ Ilawe-Ekiti, Ekiti. ************************ He was mumbling to himself triumphantly as he walked down to the cellar where the fools were being held. How many times did they need to be told, beaten or killed before they knew not to mess with Uncle Terry. He spoke out loudly as he walked into the dingy, dank … Continue reading The Death Of John Okro
“And you?” the teacher asked. The boy got up hesitantly, knowing the consequences of his next words before he said them. “Yes? Hurry up,” the teacher said. “John Okro.” The entire class erupted. Even the teacher struggled to suppress a chuckle. He was all too familiar with the trend. With every new term, class-teacher or … Continue reading The Birth of John Okro
He opened his eyes. Awake. Finally. Beads of sweat lined his neck like a noose. A taut noose. About to snap. He clasped his neck with both his hands and groaned, willing the sensation to stop. But it wouldn’t. He looked around him. The room was dim. Clearly there was no power in his house. … Continue reading Hello Dinner
“I may be the saviour of mankind and all, but today you breathe your last. If you actually breathe that is.” And with that, he took aim, steadied and struck. Killing the bug on his arm instantly. It had been a particularly awful day. The heat in these parts was beyond searing. He was hungry … Continue reading The REAL Temptations…
This is from a piece I wrote in October 2010 for some competition I clearly didn’t win. I hate essay competitions. Especially when I’m not winning… ************************************************************************* Dear Sir/Ma, Right now, it really sucks to be a Nigerian. Post-September 11, all the heat was on the Arabs. A turban here, a full beard there and … Continue reading Pooping Green Stuff…
All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players: – William Shakespeare (I hear his friends called him ‘Willy Shakes’) Reading through that oh-so-famous quote again, I have to try to re-infer Shakespeare’s meaning: was he talking about the transient nature of the human existence? Or was it really a … Continue reading Fib, Fibber, Fibbest.
When all you have of a smile is a memory, When being at peace with earth is a felony, When tears and grief are an essential part of me, When nightfall draws curtains on my tragedy… When melancholy is the best cloak I wear, When I’d rather jump off than stand and dare, When the … Continue reading The Ebb
He was watching the Discovery Channel. Something about dolphins. It was quite absorbing. He began to marvel at the awesome wonder of creation. He took a minute off to pray; to thank God. The structure of earth and its inhabitants was indeed the work of a Genius. He finished praying and resumed watching, wistful smile … Continue reading Tissues and Tissues
Firstly, I’d like to address an issue. I normally give some person my stuff to publish online. But I hear that you guys have been drowning HIM out in accolades. Why would you say nice things to or about him? Is he the one narrating this saga to you? Answer me, IS HE? NO! Because: … Continue reading Captain von ‘Clap’ Trapp – 2
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Some tranquil is necessary,
Even for the military,
When worthy occasions,
Undergo deliberations.
Solitude is of essence,
When inspiration descends,
And one must have some quiet,
When the thinking roads he plieth.
Emeka showed up the next day as planned. James was grateful to finally be getting out. Emeka drove him around Ikeja. James thought the area looked really neat. He told Emeka as much. “Our governor works,” was Emeka’s reply. “OUR governor? Dude, you’re not even from this state.” “Well, I live here. Have lived here. … Continue reading Four Weeks of Pain (2)
The flight was relatively drama free. There was the odd bit of turbulence but nothing too crazy. Definitely nothing to replicate some of the horrid stories that his friends had been freaking him out with. He was glad this was an international flight. Hence, a Lufthansa airlift was unlikely to be fraught with the same … Continue reading Four Weeks of Pain (1)
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of some ages, good day. My name is… well you can call me Narrator. And I love my role. I am omnipresent. I see it all. I hear it all. As far as this story is concerned, I’m everywhere. If you weren’t reading but were in this tale … Continue reading Captain von ‘Clap’ Trapp