Many of us are yet to ask ourselves this important question. We date for various reasons.
I know a guy whose girlfriend encouraged him to come over to Canada . .He refused saying he can’t live in another person’s house. I inquired further and realised that he felt the woman would be ” in charge “. His need to control was threatened. He finally married a village girl who could submit to him. Another man with a high need for adventure, career advancement or prestige would easily accept such offer.
Many ladies raised under abject poverty prioritise financial break through as a criteria for being in a relationship. They would rather remain in an abusive home receiving punches than remain single.
While these reasons are not entirely terrible. They could close our eyes us to better opportunities. It negates relationship to social contract. The partner fufils our need while we fulfil their need.
In reality, we are not in relationship with our partner. We only have the picture of the end to be gained . The end, the gain prevents relationship..we are only using him/ her to satisfy our needs. What if she becomes less submissive, or he becomes poor? would you love him less?
You may use more of me and I use more of you? How do we bring about equilibrium?
This desire to use others for our own psychological necessities makes for dependence. When you depend, you must own.
Once our eyes focuses on this gain, we become attached to it. We do not want to share our possession with anyone to avoid loss, we want exclusive ownership. This create suspicion, jealousy . Attachment leads to fear of loosing the gain. To avoid, losing the oil, we want to own the palm tree. ownership becomes a form of security. We put a ring to the finger to tell others to back off. We get marriage certificate as an evidence that we posses our partner.
Relationship should be a mirror in which I see myself. It reveals who we are. relationship is a process of self revelation. A process of knowing oneself. Are you looking for financial upliftment? You should first uplift yourself financially before entering a relationship.
Are you scared of being lonely? in constant need of attention? you should first learn how to cope with loneliness, doing certain things you enjoy alone before entering a relationship .
Are you power Hungary? look inward and learn to control your self, your emotions especially anger.Are you looking to date celebrity? you are hiding your subconscious desire to be famous.
It is only by understanding our subconscious needs can we prevent them from affecting our relationship.
When we love a person, we admire that person for whom he is. we do not have any expectation from him. Instead, we give to that person unconditionally. only then can we be in a true relationship with him\ her.