The First Female President of Nigeria

It all began on 16th January 2022 when Tinubu died of a heart attack. It was an open-secret that he was gearing up to contest in the 2023 presidential race. Against the unpopular third term ambition of Major-General Buhari (rtd) & against the single term promise made by Atiku. The clouds were gloomy in the Southwest & a storm gathering quickly in the Southeast.

The PDP, APGA, Labour Party and other parties had already merged to form a mega opposition party called the Action Group (AG). The only party that refused to join the merger was the Alliance for Democracy (AD). This was because it was the party that Ngozi chose to run for president.
“WHAT A MAN CAN’T DO?” she shouted.
“NIGERIAN WOMEN CAN DO BETTER!!” her supporters chanted in response.
Ngozi criticized Nigerian men for failing Nigeria & disappointing Nigerians since Independence. She pleaded with Nigeria’s women, mothers & daughters to rise up & join hands with her to save Nigeria. Chimamanda Adichie flew home to raise Ngozi’s right hand while Linda Ikeji raised her left hand. Hillary Clinton & Oprah Winfrey endorsed Ngozi from America. But when Remi Tinubu voiced out her support for Ngozi to spite Major-General Buhari, I put my two hands on my head in disbelief.

Ngozi swore that she wouldn’t give anybody one naira to vote for her. Immediately her party the AD started advertising account numbers urging Nigerians to donate at least N1,000 (one thousand naira) each to support her campaign, I turned off my data & went offline. What a joke!

The ruling APC & the mega opposition AG openly mocked Ngozi’s strategy. I laughed at her too. I stopped laughing the day my babe transferred N4,500 (four thousand five hundred naira) to one of Ngozi’s campaign account. Impossicant!! I mean, Mariam my babe was the most apolitical human being I knew. She wouldn’t vote even if you promised to buy her a private jet & fly her straight to Paris with it after voting. Was this the same person that almost emptied her bank account to support a politician? If I hadn’t checked her account balance and seen N435.80 (four hundred & thirty five naira, eighty kobo), I would’ve sworn I was dreaming wallahi. I didn’t know whether to be happy that my babe was finally becoming politically conscious or whether to be angry that she wasted the money I sent her for her hairdo.

Before I could say pim, Mariam started threatening to end our relationship.
“If you vote for your fellow man, instead of Ngozi, it means you’re gay!” she declared.
“Haba! But if women vote for their fellow woman, is that one not lesbianism?” I retorted.
“Koboko, you think I’m joking, ba?” she asked with her hands on her hips as if preparing for battle.
“See eh baby, if you want me to vote for Mr Ibu or Shatta Bandle, I will do it” raising my arms in surrender.
From that day, Marian gave me the silent treatment. Ewooo! I didn’t know she took this Ngozi-matter more seriously than I’d thought o!

To cut the long story short, Mariam woke up before me on the election day. She prepared fried plantain & egg stew & served it to me in bed. Was today my birthday or her birthday? Was today Valentine’s day? Easter? Christmas day? Or was she pregnant? I kept asking myself these questions while I slowly relished every bite of my breakfast-in-bed. She smiled lovingly at me as I ate. When I finished, I rubbed my belly in satisfaction. “Baby thank you but…” I began but she hushed me by planting a kiss on my oily lips. Then she picked up the tray from my laps & catwalked slowly to the door.

She paused at the door, turned back sharply to face me & shouted playfully “WHAT A MAN CAN’T DO?”
“NGOZI CAN DO BETTER!!” I shouted back. And we both burst out in laughter.

That was how Ngozi’s Number 1 Fan made me bath, dress up & march out hand-in-hand with her to the polling booth to vote her Ngozi by fire by force. And like play like play, Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala was sworn in on May 29th, 2023 as the first female president of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

© King kObOkO 2023



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