To the Lady, Ofeoluwa

The 21st Century Marriage

He looked at me with so much hatred in his heart , I smelled a stench of disappointment from him as his face turned blue with hatred.I felt like dying but I had to stand my ground as he told me to go for a dilation and cutting but I cut him off, he was furious with me and threatened to kill me .That was then I knew when the line was crossed. Our marriage was over ,Marriage is based on mutual understanding and we had none here.
I met Sebastian during one of my NYSC days,I was a biology copper in one of those rich British schools with fancy uniforms. Sebastian happened to be a teacher in the school , an average white man with a great fashion sense and humor which could sweep any woman off her feet. I do remember in the teachers lounge, Sebastian came up to me and offered his hand in friendship after a long month of stalking me which I obviously noticed but decided to keep cool because I knew he wasn’t a violent person. He was the role model of kids in the school , and that was a rare sight especially for temperamental teenagers with a massive tantrum. We started going out deep into the middle of my program there. He had a thing for young African girls with a bright future ahead , so he told me during one of our outings together before he spilled the bean and asked me romantically to be his girlfriend, of course I agreed ,why wouldn’t I?
Even as a teacher , Sebastian was comfortable to the core , his house was more or less a massion compared to most politicians house in the state, maybe it was due to the devaluation of the naira. We planned on getting married but whenever I bring up the idea of kids , he would change the topic . I thought he wasn’t just in the mood of talking about children, maybe I was rushing things. Then I missed my period, I was pregnant , well not really sure until I confirmed it from the doctor which proved it positive. I went home that they with a spark of joy in my heart ,I was pregnant for a white man for crying out loud . I couldn’t just overcome the thoughts of the colour of the child.Would it be white,black or Irish , I thought while swinging my hips from side to side. I planned telling Sebastian with the hope of speeding up the engagement and other nuptial rights but what I got was a big frown and a mouth telling me to go for dilation and cutting, What!
I refused such opinion given to me by the father of this child ,I asked him if I wronged him in anyway but he told me that he wasn’t ready for a baby . I felt dumbfounded , I was in a big dilemma, he continued to persuade me to abort the child because he would never acknowledged the bastard. I gave into tears immediately hearing that statement
Everyone around me was counting on me to be a promising child, a biologist and a home maker not a disgrace ,but I wasn’t ready to abort this gem . Not too long after that incident, Sebastian came back begging me to come back to him, telling me how he made a mistake and how he would acknowledged the baby and there and then he knelt down and begged me in tears right in the middle of a shopping mall .Things came back to normal and extra blissful until I miscarried. It was a painful experience for me leaving me deeply traumatised. I couldn’t eat or sleep , well stricken by insomnia with no one to share in my pains but Sebastian wasn’t even concerned at all,preharps I should just let it go.
I came back one evening after work to find Sebastian smoking weed. I was furious which made me shout at him but he blotted me out and warned me never to question his lifestyle. I thought I could change him before we got married and that seemed to work with just a little nudge and care. He later proposed to me during one of our outings and I accepted without batting an eye.
We started planning our wedding but my parents were not in support of the Union. According to them I couldn’t be married to someone I met only for three months but what do they know about love, they are old school and this is the 21st century. I tried again to plan for our kids but he told me he didn’t want kids because they smell and they were lousy , but I wanted kids really badly but I loved him to the extent that I didn’t want him to leave me,he was the sole owner of my life .
Two years of marriage , No pregnancy . I felt followed by the village people ,but anytime I felt that I could be fertile he wouldn’t be ready for me . I tried to make him see reasons for child bearing but all to no avail . I kept holding all this in my heart until I got fed up and I sought alternatives.
Then again, I missed my period. Scared to tell him ,I tried to keep it a secret until it was late.he eventually found out .
He looked at me with so much hatred in his heart , I smelled a stench of disappointment from him as his face turned blue with hatred.I felt like dying but I had to stand my ground as he told me to go for a dilation and cutting but I cut him off, he was furious with me and threatened to kill me .That was then I knew when the line was crossed. Our marriage was over ,marriage is based on mutual understanding and we had none here. I filled for a divorce carrying along my child with me. I could deal with him smoking and drinking but not caging me from carrying my child in my arms .
Walking out of that marriage was the best thing that ever happened to me since I got married, my parents accepted me with reluctance but after all I was their daughter. I stayed with them until the last moments of the pregnancy . Although, my brothers taunted me with the last statement I made to my parents “21st century marriage” but I didn’t flare up, instead I felt ashamed. Still they were supporting.

Five years after, A mother of two, a teacher and a wife , I tried my best to be there for my son even after remarrying, my husband was a supporting man with mutual understanding for me and my son. My son was my joy ,my life ,my God’s gift.Although I heard Sebastian remarried , I never felt jealous only sorry for the helpless fellow that married him. All that mattered was my Son, My kosisochukwu My Irish offspring .



One thought on “The 21st Century Marriage” by Obilor Anderson (@eugene)

  1. This is a good story although you (writer) made some spelling errors – you used ‘that they…’ to mean ‘that day’.
    There were others, just be more cautious.

    The story reads like a real experience. Is it?
    I enjoyed it absolutely.

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