The Thing Between His Legs


Papa doesn’t care if you make it in life neither does he care if life makes it in you. He barely even remembers your name. He calls you Lara today and Victor the day after. Papa also had never for once got it right with names of your twenty-two other siblings. All Papa gets right is which of his wives was on duty for the night. You never get to sleep in peace each passing night. You hear moan from the other room. Papa doing what he knows how to do best, making his wives cry with the thing between his legs.

Papa daily would sit under the banana tree that stands in front of the compound with his tattered wrapper and a smoking tobacco in hand. The sun greets him daily on its set. Papa smiles and waved at every lady that walked past him. A method he used in getting your Mother and other wives of his.

The thing between Papa legs was a public figure. Papa would sleep under the banana tree opening wide his legs making the thing between his legs peep through to see the light of the day. Passing women that saw it liked what their eyes beheld. Just as your Mother liked what she saw.

Papa doesn’t send you to school, neither does he buys you cloth for Christmas. He doesn’t provide food for the home yet he builds a large home with the thing between his legs. Your mind quarrel with your head and you but wonder why can’t your mother leave him to marry Gbodi the hunter that has been wooing her secretly. You like the meat Gbodi gives your mother but you hate the fact that you mother serves Papa the meat. You asked your mother why she does what she does. You asked her why couldn’t she leave Papa alone and marry Gbodi since Papa didn’t care. Your mother would tell you that you are still a chick and won’t understand what the hen knew. You are angry and stamp your feet and fiddle away truly like the chick you are.

Ajoke the youngest wife left the house with her three kids without informing anyone. You wished your mother could act like her. Papa didn’t bother himself knowing she left when he was told. Instead he said she’d be back and continued his sleep. You were so sure that she wouldn’t be back again. No woman in her right senses would come back to such a man like Papa. Ajoke being the only educated wife made you thought she’d be smart.

You woke up the following morning only to see Ajoke making the fire for breakfast. You couldn’t believe your eyes. You went in to take a cup of water to wash your face. Ajoke you still saw. You asked yourself what was wrong, why she came back. You walked to her and asked her why she was back. She told you what your mother would always say-you won’t understand. This even made you angrier. Your face became red than the cup you held.

You marched out of the compound like you were never going to come back. You ignored elders you passed by. You were going to see your friend and explain your grieve.

Getting to the place, you saw your friend’s parent fighting. Your friend’s mother was screaming and yelling beyond her voice. She was yelling at her husband. She said he wasn’t good in bed. She said he doesn’t last a minute. She said the thing between his legs wasn’t man enough to make a large home. She said the thing between his legs doesn’t make her want more. She said the thing between his legs wants her to leave home and never come back. She said the thing between his legs doesn’t make her smile like the way Papa own does when she passes through your compound.

All these you heard her say. Now you know why your mother doesn’t want to leave. Now you know why Ajoke came back. Now you know why other women want to be Papa’s wife.

Papa might not know how to treat a home but he knows how to treat a woman in bed with the thing between his legs.

3 thoughts on “The Thing Between His Legs” by Theo-ziny (@Theo-zinyjoel)

  1. First of all i don’t know what genre this could be called. It sounds like a body of an informal letter chopped out for reference, however it’s a good read without the many grammatical errors ranging from concord issues to tense confusion and so on. I cant tell is the story is told in the past or present tense. please check it. here are ta few error i want to point out:
    tense confusion = ” Papa smiles and waved at every lady that walked past him. ”
    Papa’s instead of Papa legs “The thing between Papa legs was a public figure”
    concord error : “Your mind quarrel with your head”. i should be “quarrels”.

    1. OK true talk but can I a little of your piece,mr.concord error

  2. I laughed.
    Thanks for sharing.

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