6:45 am .
There was very loud bang on the door facing my room . I woke up and scrambled to the end of the bed in fear .
It was my Neighbour and his wife again !
This couple lived opposite my own room and were regarded as the “ terror “ of the compound .
They had 5 children and all their kids exhibited traits of truancy , disrespect and terrorism ; God didn’t even spare the brain of one !
It was possibly one of their numerous noise making and crowd gathering routines .
Sometimes , one could hear the sound of plates and pots flying in all directions across the room , occassioned by a combination of little childlike cries and then a bellow of “ Warri ! E mami ! You don die !”
You could hear them as early as 6am or even as late as 8pm arguing and causing nuisance .
I was once in my room during one of such battles , when a stainless pot shattered my window and came flying across my room !
Wo ! The way I threw the pot back into the house ; the noise and commotion stopped almost instantly and all I heard was “ ye ! Ye ! Ye ! A Yemi o ! My head o ! “
This morning though , I was filled with the thoughts of Saturday and preparations that I almost thought less . I grabbed my shorts hanging on a wire inside the room and my shirt that was on the floor ; grabbed my slippers and made for the door .
There was kunle !
“ Bros , good morning . The lord be with you my brother in Christ . Please come and aid us in expunging the apparent commotion that is befalling our immediate community of gentlemen “ .
Kunle was a man of many parts ; a fervent Christian, a grammarian and an unrepentant bet9ja player .
He held one of his usual long ‘ toilet paper ‘ coupon slips as he pointed in the direction of the oghenevos’
“ Brother kunle “, I replied , “ I haven’t eaten since yesterday and so I do not have the strength to fight . Vengeance is mine saith the lord “ , as I turned to head to Obaino’s shop .
The shop was like a village town gathering when I got there ; lots of women and some few men stood ; all chattering excitedly . I had an ill feeling about this and rushed through a swarm of bodies to look out for who was on the ground that people had surrounded .
It was not Obaino ; it was his brother Arinze.
“ where is obaino ? What happened ? “
Arinze looked up at me with tears in his eyes ; I feared the worst .
“ my blorther is in the yard na taking baff. It is army lorbers that bloke into our ‘shaedi’ and Calid nice nice culotu”
This was a big problem for me!
The attack meant that my plan wouldn’t work .
Obiano was usually my go- to man when I needed a nice outfit for an outing . I will rent his expensive suit or a nice top and trouser for 500 naira and return it the same day .
With this new development , it might not be possible .
I shrugged off my thoughts and walked home with my head down .
Then it dawned on me that my plan B was available!
Frank was a bit more expensive option because it was basically other people’s clothes and he charged more for a rent . Once I had worn a cloth of his customer to an occasion and the man was there !
The embarrassment that day is best left for the depepest part of hell .
I headed straight for his shop and we negotiated on a sleek tuxedo suit that a rich customer had brought some minutes ago . The price was fair this time though ; 1200 naira .
As I walked out and headed home , there was this feeling of arrival . I was determined to impress Matilda and look so charming that even if she failed to enter my net , someone else will .
Mama ngozi had opened her shop by the time I reached the front of my compound and I bought my usual ; 2 cups of garri ,20 naira sugar , 50 naira groundnut and 2 pure water sachets.
“ this Saturday , I will wow you ; I will amaze you … “ , I continued as the rising sun peeped through the pink curtain on my room window
I couldn’t just wait for Saturday !
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