Pissed

Pissed

The other day, I was sitting in the convenience of my sparsely furnished sitting room. Something unusual then happened, PHCN or whatever they deem fit to call themselves(please do not call them disco that spoils everything totally, disco light bi ti bawo?) did the unthinkable they restored power while the sky was threatening fire and brimstone.
I shook my head slightly “wonders won’t seize to happen on this strange land called Nigeria”, probably they are on a mission to get some unsuspecting citizens electrocuted again that seems to be their hobby this days. But on the flip side I was elated at least I get to entertain my mind with some locally made jargons in the disguise of acting.
I took the remote and sat gingerly on a cushion chair that hasn’t got much cushion effect afterall with a bowl of over fried chinchin my kid sister made thinking she should be called a caterer in her own right (chai I no fit laugh finish) you might be thinking what I meant by over fried but do not bother your fragile mind we would get to that some other time. I then switched on my most coveted asset, a ” 32 inch sharp LED flat screen TV” that isn’t as sharp as I would have wanted.
Sitting all baked up a lady in the comfort of her employer’s studio was faking some phonetics airing the midday headline, giving us lekki branded accents, cajoling shallow minded Nigerians into believing she must have been to the Queen’s land for her education. What is it with all this broadcasters with fake accents self I reasoned aloud, abi na all this broadcasting firm they add am as requisite. Na God go punish them I said to myself, where the chance for we the homegrown OAP wannabes?.
The next thing that got splattered on the screen got me laughing uncontrollable “Nigerian youths should not wish us dead”- OBASANJO. The legendary ebora oru himself is now having nightmare seeing angry youths chasing him round his ota farm. Baba me I wish you and those old folly of yours death. If you can not find solution to this mess you got us in just die and leave us alone. For you the constituted authority and your white bearded skinny idiot partner lounging somewhere in Oshogbo or thereabout God go soon catch una. Shebi na nightmare ebora oru dey get, una own go be thunder strike.
With that PHCN did the needful, they graciously switched off the tv I went back to the confines of my aso bora turned duvet, since lautech is still yet to be reopened.
Oya come and beat me in my house.



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