Ayanfe felt pain and knew it was tangible.Right there in the middle of her room,she sat on the floor and wept.She felt heartbroken.Her heart squeezed on the inside and she felt raw pain.If there was something she had learnt about pain in the past few months…it was the beauty of pain.Moyo always laughed at her whenever she said that. God Ayanfe…there is beauty in pain Ko.why not put your hands in fire kole mo pe there is no beauty in pain.At those times Ayanfe wanted to tell her that she had actually put something more than her hands in fire.She’d placed her heart in burning coals.
Cheerful.That was the most constant virtue and countenance that was attributed to her.If only they all knew.If only they knew that her smiles could be silent tears…her laughter were sometimes groans.Ayanfe was a melancholic soul.She had grown to love her solitude. She had grown to cherish the joy that came from within.Moyo happened to be the only person outside her family that knew her so well.Nevertheless, she’d always noticed the questioning look on Moyo’s face whenever she said something supposedly “bizarre”.Ayanfe…for a christian…you are a strange girl.sometimes I think you are eccentric..why on earth would you say such a thing?
Her annoying friend,Ola,blamed Ayanfe’s oddity on her daddy issues.She always felt like screaming at Ola whenever she started explaining her philosophies.Ayanfe loved her parents…even though they lived apart.Her problem was the sense of unfulfillment that gnawed at her.It was odd for a lady of her age to be so worried about the future.She was supposed to be care-free…she was to cast her cares on the lord.But those characters would not let her be.
Ayanfe smiled sadly . Soji had said it was that sad smile of hers that drew him to her.He could love her docility but he had fled at the first encounter he had with her passion.She chuckled lightly.Soji had always found her reaction to art bizarre….especially to movies and books.why would you cry so much about a character? Mama abeg drop that book jare.The final charade that threw him off was when he’d found her writing and crying at the same time.He had ended the relationship over a phone call.I really like you ayanfe but I think you are crazy…my mother thinks you are an ogbanje.I Can’t do this anymore….
Life had a depth that most people did not understand.It was that depth that set her apart.No one could understand her art.Her girlfriends belittled it.Her prospective admirers were disturbed by it.
Nobody loved to be the odd one out.At least not Ayanfe.But what could she do about herself and her unstable emotions? Anyone who walked in on her at that moment would think she had lost a family member.Ayanfe sighed.It was the the character in a book that made her feel so distraught.How would she control her passion for the imaginary? Who would ever understand the meaning of a book that could make one weep? Ayanfe’s melancholy was an expression of her and right in the midst of her oddity was her true self.