I asked him once; If I ever cheated, would you leave or would you forgive me and stay with me? And his response had been a laugh followed by these words; Of course I’ld never leave. We’ld work it out, I love you, you crazy girl.
And he’d twisted my nose playfully.
I didn’t like that he joked about it but atleast he gave me a reply.
“It’s good to know you’re so forgiving. If it’s me, just know that after I’ve made you suffer tremendously, I’ll poison you and dispose your body in a body of water, hopefully your body will remain at the bottom where it belongs and become fish food.” That had been my own answer to him and he’d been shocked, then had tried to laugh it off but wasn’t successful.
“You’re really crazy!” He’d concluded and I just laughed. But atleast he knew my stand in infidelity.
…..And I guess I wasn’t taken seriously because I’m standing by our bedside drawer, a hotel invoice in my shaking hands and my husband on his knees before me as he apologises for his mistake. You guessed right, he cheated on me. On me, the crazy girl! Suddenly I’m laughing and I drop unceremoniously on the bed. I’m heading to hysteria but I don’t care. What would you do if you found out that your loved one was cheating on you?
I’ve answered my question but it’s not even in me at the moment. I always thought it would never happen to me. I was so wrong there.
“Babe…” He calls, unsure of himself.
“Babe, are you okay?” His hand rests unsteady on my knee and I push it away, getting up from the bed.
“Don’t touch me!”
My laughter is gone and I can feel the pain coming back. His face, his beautiful face a bitter reminder that he didn’t belong to me alone.
“Don’t ever touch me again!”
I push him away and walk out of the room.
I’m pacing the parlour, I don’t know what to do. It’s so late in the night, I won’t be able to go out. How did we end up like this? What did I ever do to make him disrespect me this way?
I fall to the floor not caring about anything.
“Mom! I need you. If you were here you’ld tell me what to do. You always knew what to do.”
I cry bitterly. My mom was dead but we’d been so close. She’d been my best friend and I loved her so much. She can’t help me now, where do I go from here? What do I do?
I feel hands on my back and immediately shake it off.
“Just leave me alone.” I say dejectedly.
“Please babe, I know I hurt you but remember the baby. Sarah, you’re pregnant, please be careful.”
Pregnant. Pregnant….yes, I am.
My hand move to my stomach where a slight bump can be felt. My unborn baby. All the plans, the perfect end to our fairytale life….gone! I was pregnant and he’d cheated.
“Just leave me alone!” I shout and slap his hand away. Rising up without his help, I turn to face him.
“What did I ever do? I loved you!”
“Babe, I’m sorry.” He looks sincere and sad but really, I don’t care. The harm has been done.
“Don’t call me that. You don’t get to call me that.” I snap, moving away from him.
“Just tell me why you did it? What was going through your head? Damn it! We were happy! Or I thought we were. Weren’t you?” He starts to answer but I just ride on. “I guess you weren’t because you still cheated!” I fling the words at him.
He starts to crumple to the floor, tears coming down his face. “I’m sorry” coming from his lips, over and over again.
His presence disgust me and I want to hurt him and hurt him. Worse than he hurt me.
I told myself a long time ago that no human would ever hurt me deeply because I was strong and I wasn’t needy for affection. But I met him and he made me trust him. God! He’d shattered me.
“I hate you! I hate you so much I can’t stand the sight of you. Get out and I never want to see you again!”
“Ba…Sarah, you don’t mean that.” His voice is soothing like he’s talking to a wounded animal. “You’re hurt and not thinking clearly. I…” He didn’t get to complete that as I threw a vase at him. His quick reflexes helping him dodge and the vase smashing on the floor few inches from him.
“Sarah, be careful.” He’s up from the floor and is slowly making his way towards me.
“One more step and you won’t like what I’ll do next. Get out Jack! Get out now!” I scream at him, my hand feeling for something else to throw at him.
“We promised to never sleep apart if we fought, we promised to always resolve things before going to bed. Baby please!” He begs.
“Can you hear yourself! You promised to love me and be faithful. Faithful, Jack, faithful! And you broke that. I don’t think we have anything more to say to each other. I want you to leave. Leave and let me heal from this.”
From the look on his face he’s accepted to go, atleast for now.
“Sarah, I’m so sorry. I never meant to cause us harm or disrespect you. Please take care of yourself and our baby.” He pleads before heading for the door.
“My baby and I will be fine.” That gives him a pause. Yes, I said it, MY baby.
He looks at me one last time then exits quietly and just like that, my happy home is torn. And the nightmare isn’t over yet.