Even Mark Zukerberg Knows that Nigerians Are Happy People


You’ll have to adopt my imagination to see the image painted to the world in this picture.
“Nigerians are a bunch of talented, ambitious and lovable people”.
O Yes!, we are happy and the world should know that.

Right now, Mark Zuckerberg is feeling that and also when he flies across the Atlantic on his way home, he will look down at the green landscape and say “what a nice set of complex people.

But we are even more complicated than that.
Let me engage your imaginations.
Imagine the funny Basketmouth heard just last night, while hanging out with some classy dudes in a bar at Lekki- that Mr Zukerville is in town. So he calls RMD- who has been in Lagos since the weekend, and is still around cos he couldn’t fly back to Delta since Aero Contractors are packing and his flight has been grounded- to ask if he’ll do the red-carpet at Mark’s presence today. RMD obliges and ‘whatsapps’ Rita Dominic; Rita sends a facebook message to Yemi Alade and Yemi pings Toolz. Next thing you know, half the celebrities in Lagos gather for a picture session with Mark. Yes, we peddle rumours like that.
Thank God nobody told Funke Akindele otherwise the whole of Lagos would have been on the footage, together with her self- owned ‘accent’.

So, before Mark could sweat-out from his morning jog; cameras are clicking, smiles are being torn out of closets with tux and jackets, conversations are being thrown- like boxing jabs at each other and shakes are offered and taken with manicured hand- wringing. Yes we are hospitable like that.

But wait, where are all the #BringBackOurGirls, #Buhari’sChange’s_ChangingUs, #Pet_naming, #freeNnamdi_Kanu, #IPOB, #NDA, #stop_FulaniHerdsmen and all other hashtags that we haggle about?
It seems like our pains are habiliments easily forgotten in moments of celebration.
Even the feminists that come here to rant on a lopsided feminism- not that I have any problem with feminism, just that I hate it lopsided- all bundle their lots into their vats and bins and hit the road for a shot with Zukerberg.

At the end, Zukerberg will finish his business, hit some tush places in Lagos, shake more hands and then head home with the notion that ‘Nigerians are very happy people’.

Then the celebrities will hurry back to their businesses; Yemi will land a fresh club-banger, BasketMouth will learn a few new tricks at comedy and the rest of the ‘wailing- wailers’ will tear of their pretentious wide smiles, go back into their rustic closets and spread their cloaks of mysery and whinings everywhere.

Back to project ‘hashtag’ on facebook and twitter, Buhari’s saga, Fulani herdsmen and the blame game.
Why do we not mobilize a good protest with placards and mass presence to tell the world our problems through the ever expanding and influential social presence of Zukerberg.

Maybe it’s because it’s only in Nigeria that adages like ‘you shouldn’t wash your dirty linen in public’ is sung.
Or maybe we are stricken with a surface cheerfulness that vaporize as soon as our visitors and guests hit the road.

Or what do I know.

We are Nigerians just like that

┬ęPoet Anny-Razon Justin,
August, 2016.

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