“Her Man Palava”- 9a



“Where  is that dick head,time wasting  son of bitch?. Ha ha there you are?” Karis was saying as if intoxicated, gesticulating wildly.

“Holier than thou Leroy”. Karis continued . “When I get to heaven I’ll have to ask the angels to play your sex scenes for me. What do you think?”. She winked at  him, laughing

“It’ not funny Karis”. Leroy  replied in a stern tone.

“Huh is  it me you’re talking to in that tone? Don’t you even dare..”. Karis replied in a tone that left no room for argument.

“As I  was saying”. She continued, walking  around the room in a sleek manner. She kept quiet for a while making sure sure she had everyone’s attention.

“Ha ha Leroy you must be good in bed o cos’ I wonder how girls get attracted to you with your ugly oily face . I see you  and I want to puke. It’s so bad that my good friend here, chose to friend zone you for a year before she found the supposed treasure only she could see in you. After the second year and you showed no sign of settling down with my friend I knew you were a useless and hopeless person”.

“I concur”. Shade interjected.

“O ri e pe. Your brain is now in the right position”. She lauded Shade.

“Hello side chick”. She suddenly faced the girl who they had caught Leroy sleeping with. “Don’t shiver dear,  I  hope the sex was good anyway?”.

“Shade please play me this song from my phone on the sound system I just downloaded . it’s the song of the moment. God bless Beyonce!”.

Shade used to complain about Karis craziness as the cause of her not being in a relationship but as she watched her friend take charge she couldn’t have thanked this craziness enough. She connected Karis phone to the sound system and the sweet voice of Beyonce infiltrated the tense surrounding. As she said it was the song of the moment, she couldn’t have agreed more with karis choice of song “Irreplaceable “.

“Mademoiselle Shade why are you stalling, let’s get into action” Karis commanding voice snapped her out of her thoughts.

Leroy was kneeling still begging for forgiveness , sweat and tears rolling down his face while “Side bae”  shivered , still clutching the sheet to her naked body.

“Hey side chick or side bae please don’t irritate me with your tears and stupid shivering. I am not one of those low life, riff raff thugs that will beat you up. It’s a free world,I’m sure the feeling was mutual. You wanted him and he wanted you and you got down with him.  I don’t blame you dear, if you want to leave, I can help you call a cab and if you want to stay it’s fine. God forbid that I beat my fellow girl just cos’ of a guy. If any beating would be done, it would be you and I beating this idiot begging me. Like I said earlier don’t irritate me, with your tears,if you need to do anything you  better do it now!”.

Karis laughed loudly. “nice one Shade. Enough of the lectures, let’s pack your things”

“That’s not happening,no way. Nothing leaves this house”. Leroy declared ,slamming his hands forcefully on a table as if suddenly just remembered that he was supposed to be a man.

“Stop  barking please”.Karis  shouted.

“Shade you better let this dog know that there are hefty men outside ready to treat his fuck up  if he decides to act like a goat without brains”. Hands folded beneath her breast, Karis was simply in no mood for nonsense.

“Shade please don’t listen to anyone, it’s been you and I together for three beautiful years. Just you and I and no one else”. He pleaded

“Are you stupid or do you just have amnesia?. ‘it’s been you and I together for three beautiful years. Just you and I and no one else’. Karis mimicked.

“Leroy I don’t have time to waste. I came here straight from work, I am on the brink of propriety don’t let me loose it. Allow me to pack my friends things and let me act like the chartered accountant that I am. Quick,sharp,strategic and effective.”

Shade chuckled. Sited quietly she sipped on a glass of wine as she watched her friend do her thing. Karis was the compere of this event and she knew better than to get in the way. Leroy was now by her feet now still begging.

“Shade if you know anything about me, you’ll know I care about you tremendously hence why I’m bothering with this. Otherwise pssh.

I have hurt you, no doubt and I ask that you forgive me but really it’s your choice. I really don’t know why I have all this meaningless sex, I really don’t know”. He repeated sobbing loudly.

He continued “What we share is strong, beautiful and intense. Don’t let us loose it now. Please Shay Shay … please”.

“What we share is beautiful, strong and intense right? Shade asked.

“yes”. Leroy nodded.

“Good. FYI I also had meaningless sex with Tochi”.

And in the blink of an eye, Leroy changed into a ferocious beast.

“No way, No way”  He growled.

“How dare him! he touched my baby. No way !” He said angrily, pacing.

Shade I’m done packing, lets go. Karis said interrupting the conversation.

“Thanks love” Shade responded  getting up.

“Shade do  you know what you’ve done to me by sleeping with someone else? I was the first guy you  met  and I wanted it to be that way. You have just shattered me . Maybe we truly need a break Shay,

“Who said anything about a break you fucking male chauvinist”. Shade shouted angrily.

“So you’re shattered cos’ I saw someone else just once. What a pity”.

“Karis who cares if this goat here is shattered or not? Shade asked sarcastically.

“Maybe his mother”. Karis replied. Her response heavy with sarcasm. They both laughed  heartily.

Shade had thought  she would  break  down but for Karis. “Bless you my dear friend,I love you”.

“Love you too ma copine“. Karis replied smacking her lips in a kiss

Leroy fumed angrily but could do  nothing ,for the presence of  the body  guards who seemed eager to break his bones made him calm down.

As they  walked into the car , karis secretly hoped that there were still faithful guys out there somewhere. She was puzzled at the ability of romantic love to mutate quickly.

They hadn’t  gone far when someone in a cab stopped them to ask for directions. Karis studied the woman as Shade gave directions. She had a strange accent .

“H” She interjected. “I see you’re not from part of this side”.

“No I am not, I am from Oman I just came  to surprise my boyfriend. I have never been here before”. The  woman replied smiling. She sounded friendly.

“Oh welcome dear. What’s your boyfriend’s  name? The thing is I live in the neighborhood and I want  to  make  sure you are in safe hands before I  leave”.

“You people are very nice, thank you. His name is  Zani. She supplied.

“Zani”. karis looked at Shade a  frown on their face.

“Is there a problem?”.

“Not at all”. Karis chuckled. “Maybe you’re not pronouncing it well”. Karis supplied further.

“I have heard that name before but I can’t remember the face. Let’s see a  picture of him”. Shade asked.

Karis saw the woman’s hesitation and snapped. “You can decide to show  us or not, we are only trying to help you . All the best in your  search bye”. She was tired of dealing with pieces of shit  that don’t make shit better.

“Please hold on”. The woman said in her  heavy accent. “I am just trying to be careful please understand”.

“OK. Let’s see the picture already!”

She stretched the phone through the window. As Karis saw the picture she screamed “Karma!”.

“Oh!does he bare ‘Karma’ here? The woman asked smiling.

Karis was furious. “If he bares ‘karma’ then you will be named stupid or daft or maybe a combination of both. She thought angrily.

“Oh my days, Shade screamed tears rolling down her face.”

“Is there a problem?” The woman asked worried .

“First of all what is your name? ” Karis asked.

“My  name is Jahzara” She replied hesitantly,her forehead creased in worry.

“I am sorry my friend is pregnant so she cries at every little thing. I  know …….eeerm. What did you call his name again?”

“You mean Zani?”

“Yes your Zani, forgive me we call him Karma.I know him very well. Do you want us  to take you there or would you get the direction to his house.

“Oh no,don’t worry. I am also pregnant and I know how it  is, so please let your friend go home“.

“You’re pregnant??? We will follow you don’t worry” Shade supplied. She was was going to kill Leroy without remorse. He would understand today that hell hath  no fury as a scorned woman.

“We will give you directions don’t mind my friend”. Karis countered the suggestion, giving Shade a mean stare.

Shade got the message and became quiet. She got another mean eye passing a different  information this time.

“Oh”. She mouthed quietly.

Here’s your phone Jahzara, take care”.

“Thanks for your help”. She replied

Immediately the car was  out of sight .Karis faced Shade. “Please tell me you did it ”

“Of course I did. Everyday for the thief one  day for the owner. Karma has surely cut up with him and he will be dealt with”.

“How many pictures were you  able to transfer”. Karis asked.

“Ten pictures  and  some important contacts”. Shade replied.


“Our plan would be Articulate  and concise. Let’s help him cast out the demon of excess testosterone ruling his life”

“By the way ,I have some FR’s to review the world  doesn’t revolve round that sick bastard”.

Your comments are appreciated.



Image source: compendius.com

One thought on ““Her Man Palava”- 9a” by Pelumi Hadassah (@PelumiHadassah)

  1. Vanessa's writings (@Vanessa)

    Leroys of this world, see me and run!

Leave a Reply