Monday: 18. 06. 2012
Woke up after series of nightmares, cold sweat ran through my skin, thought it was the usual insomnia have been battling with for weeks now but… , but this was quite different your face kept re-occurring in every nightmare like cancer it kept spreading, I dare not close my eyes for a minute, so I sat back to think.
You would ask yourself what could be going through a 16 year old boy’s mind.
“Oh! I’m INSANE!!” or “Am I still stuck in my nightmares?”
4:16 a.m as I kept tabs on time, I prepared to have my bath and leave for class, the Hyde-Johnson dormitory was still filled with boys sleeping, I let out a heavy sigh wishing I was in their place.
Now 7:20 a.m, I left the dormitory en route for the dining hall, something caught my eyes, a dead bird, the first thing I saw while coming out of my hostel and it was right in front of me, my heart jolted and my brain went back remembering those nightmares I tried to keep calm saying
“it’s just poultry it’s going to DIE anyway”….
During classes I had these unnerving feelings, I was extremely quiet; well yes I was quiet and I kept to myself most times on a normal day, I was even named the weird guy by friends and got a lot of questions like
“Why are you so strange?”
But I waved them off with a smile.
Today was different, I felt I was weird, I know I was more strange today than normal days as it was clearly written all over my face, I had a short inner battle with my spirit, telling myself
“This is not me”, “What is happening to me?”.
I left the question hanging as the bell rang and I dashed out to the call centre to talk to my dad, yesterday was father’s day and we spoke for hours, the usual fatherly advice and so on.
You see my mum has been with my dad in india who went for his regular medical check-up, well 4 years ago my dad was diagnosed with a kidney problem and immediately he went for a kidney transplant which was successful I couldn’t be more happy for my hero.
As the phone got through I didn’t even let her say “HI” I started narrating how my day went but I paused in the middle trying to figure out has my mum be sobbing cause this didn’t sound like her cheerful voice.
Then the question came out….
“Is daddy okay?”
But the reply I got was… was, not a reply but my mum sobbing her heart out.
As I shouted, creating a scene which I wasn’t aware of
“LET ME SPEAK TO DADDY!!”, “I WANT TO SPEAK TO DADDY!!!”
All eyes were on me, I was in shock as my flashbacks started running, like I was in the front row of a cinema watching a movie starring only me, titled “MY DAY”
Monday, 18. 06. 2012; 3:26 a.m, the nightmare… , the bird… all made sense now, gasping for air I felt feeble and finally passed out…
Now i’m speaking to the remains of my hero you were everything to me. Everything you taught me I tried to make it perfect and build on them and i’m not little no more, if only you could see
Sitting by your grave, no one else but you and me.
And I want to ask you one question and maybe then I will be free.
DADDY ARE YOU PROUD OF ME?