It’s been a while since we were friends. You have ignored my calls and refused to talk to me. Even my friends whom I sent to talk to you about us, you turned down. But anyways, I’ll always love you, as I can’t help my helpless love for you.
I understand the fact that you are engulfed by the guilt of the death of Halima, your wife. I was there, and I saw everything that happened. How you had come back home that day, the anger in you, boiling and bubbling. You’d had a rough day, your boss had untiringly hauled unnecessary insults at you the whole day at the office, and a crazy driver had splashed mud all over your immaculate white trousers while you were returning from work. You had returned home to find out that food was not ready after asking for your food, and your anger tripled. In a bid to pacify your anger, Halima had tried to hug you, with words of apology on mouth, but in your anger, you slammed a hard slap on her face which threw her off balance and got her head, whose hair had been freshly cut low, hitting the tiled floor. Your anger vanished in a flash as you saw blood oozing out of her broken head. She eventually died, and ever since, you have been under the immense torture of regret and endless guilt, even though it is four years now.
Take a good look at yourself, you look nothing like the ‘you’ eight years back. You are a shadow of yourself. You have wound up yourself with the strings of endless guilt and self-hatred, and they’ve become so tight that they’ve begun tearing their way through you. This is wrong, Dairo, you’re hurting yourself! If I hold nothing against you l, if I have moved on, shouldn’t you do the same?
Two years ago, Benson Durojaye stabbed his wife, whom he treasured more than every other thing in his life, to death, because he had seen her reading a love letter from another man, which he later got to know was written eight years before their marriage. Three years ago, Jefferson Richards murdered his mother when someone had divulged to him that it was she who murdered his father, which he later found out was false. Though they will never forget, they have moved on.
Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean there will be no consequences, of course there will be, but these consequences do not have endless guilt, shame and depression attached. They do not get you any stronger, rather they keep getting you weaker and making it difficult for you to get back on. You have let this endless guilt and shame control you, and have hurt others in the course. Because of your guilt, you have redirected your life’s purpose, and there have been negative differences. It is true that Halima’s life cannot, by any means, be restored, but you can do something, Dairo, you can make a difference in the lives of others. You can do a lot to dwarf your mistakes in the past, Dairo. There are many who need your help out there, there are many dying lives you could revive, Dairo, and this is one great way you can pacify Halima’s spirit. But how can you when you’ve refused to smash your way out of the cocoon within which you are encased? This cocoon created by no one but your very self.
Every human falls, all humans are infallible. What defines greatness in a man is not when he strives to remain blameless and faultless, which is absolutely impossible. Greatness in a man is defined by how quick he rises up when he falls, and his determination to keep moving forward. You cannot continue to cry and blame yourself all day long. Everyone already knows how deeply you are sorry. It’s time to let it go, Dairo, it is time to set things right.
I love you Dairo, I really do love you. I can’t leave you, so please don’t leave me. Show the world how to fall and get back up. Listen to me, and forgive yourself.
By the time Dairo woke up, his clothes were soaked up in sweat. He realized he had been in a deep sleep. He had been reading a letter in his sleep; a letter from God. He smiled. It was the perfect letter for him. It was time for a new beginning.
When you fall, when you fail, when you make a mistake, do not let it bury you, don’t dwell in it. Take the lessons from it with you and drop the the worthless rest. Give yourself the forgiveness you would easily give to others. Forgiving yourself means acknowledging you are human. You can’t always prevent yourself from failure, but you can always forgive yourself for failing.