What Goes aROUND

What goes around is the tragedy of Baba Risika, popularly known as Baba Risi. Iya Risika is his wife, he wasn’t a polygamist so she was his only wife although they were not legally married. After her fourth child for him, Iya Risika became almost three times bigger than the lady he had married – her bursts became saggy, her tummy developed more fat than what he was used to, ugly wide stretchmark grew all over her body like tiger stripes. She was altogether unattractive and sex no longer became sweet with her. It was not her fault however, it was just as she always blamed – the result of everything that he had deposited into her. Now it wasn’t his fault too that he was keeping a side chic – Jenifer.
Jenifer is a three hundred level student of Law in the university, she visited his mechanic workshop for the first time when she came with a friend of hers whose car was faulty. Baba Risi became attracted to her at first glance, he made several jokes that day, making her the target of his jokes and carefully ensuring that each time, he registered his interest in her. He successfully got her contact after his refusal to collect a dime for the rigorous work he did on the car. Baba Risika kept disturbing Jenifer for a long time, he was optimistic because Jenifer and her friend were obviously part of those campus ladies that are often referred to as runs girls – girls who dated sugar daddies, his optimism rested on the conviction that if he could lavish a reasonable sum on her, she would open her laps for him.
Luckily for the man, her insatiable financial desires soon made her budge to his advances. When she rendered herself to him for just few weeks, they both realized just how much incompetent he was, in bearing her financial burden, and so natural distance grew widely between them. But because the urge still lived in him to have more taste of what she gave him, he had to consider lighter ways that could be employed in bringing him equal pleasure and that was how he was introduced by one of his boys to Baba Ijasegun – a thick and well experienced medicine man.
“This one is called ‘touch and follow’, it is real ogbonge juju, any lady you touch it with will naturally follow you everywhere, until the very moment your sperm spills.” Baba Ijasegun instructed carefully.
“But baba,” Baba Risika stuttered, “I have never tried anything like this in my life, how can I be so sure that it would work?”
“- Haba! Never doubt me!”
He offered the man a bail of money and kept the ring safely in his pocket as he departed from the elder’s presence.
Excitement mixed with great curiosity would not let him rest when he got home. He turned round and round on his bed restlessly, watching Iya Risika as she laid on the bed, the roof staring directly at her abdomen which bulged out from a huge naked tummy that rose and fell as she breathed like yeasted dough. The irritating sound of her snore appeared worse than ever. Baba Risi had always made sure that he slept before her to avoid truncating his own sleep when her snores starts, but the excitement of his new plan had not let him do that today.
Baba Risi felt like touching his wife with the charm just to see if and how it works – at least she was his wife, but he wasn’t sure of the implication, ‘it might render her totally insane for life’ he thought fearfully. Rather than bother himself with the frustrating thought of his burdensome wife, he decided to feed his mind instead with the sweet thoughts of Jenifer.
Jenifer and himself had started out on a very good note, although the first annoying issue was that she always insisted that he used a condom which the old man detested, however she had made herself deliberately unavailable in the past days because the man had not fulfilled his promise in sending her some amount of money. Using condoms nauseated Baba Risika, it made him feel less like a man and now that he had the power to control anybody, ‘I would make sure I do it flesh to flesh’ he concluded excitedly neglecting the possibilities of STDs or impregnating a victim, with the victorious thoughts, Baba Risi finally found sleep.
The following evening, Baba Risika closed from work early, he took his bath and drove his Peugeot 504 straight to the university that was located in the centre of the city mainland. That was where he had always eyed girls that looked just like Jennifer, with different specifications of buttocks and chests and very appealing and out of this world aura that engulfed any man that walked by them.
‘These small small girls sef, they always live as if they were not born by Nigerian fathers, as if African blood does not run in their veins at all’ he pondered jealously as he stared at some girls from his car screen. Those girls were putting on extra miniskirts and they were chatting noisily to the cinemas. ‘By night, I would jump out of this car and do it’ he concluded, and then rested his head on the car seat and fell into an unconscious slumber. The day had been hectic plus he had had a very short night.
Baba Risi woke up hours later, everywhere was dark. He groped in that dark for his phone and checked the time, it was 9:10pm. It was still alright. He walked out of his car and headed towards a dark deserted lecture theatre where he had been told many girls were raped there, in fact his students-customers, out of outright jest always said that girls who walked around that lecture theatre when it is dark were girls who were willing to be raped. He got there and sat at a corner with hawking eyes and high running libido waiting for his first victim.
‘What if the after effect of this charm is that it would render the innocent girl psychologically imbalance for ever?’ He thought deeply, but he quickly shoved the thoughts off. After all, an old saying says ‘the devil’s evil is not bad as long as ones’ self and family members were not the victims.’ He was still reflecting when the sound of approaching footsteps – knocking the ground distractively – called his attention. From sensitive observation, it could only be that of a lady.
“Good evening sir” The familiar voice said when she observed the nearing figure of an elderly man.
“Good evening” he responded and quickly touched her with the ring. There was a miraculous silence thereafter and she put her hands in his as he led her towards his hideout and took off the necessary part of her clothes. Her amazing co-operation was beyond comprehension. Although he didn’t see her face much in the dark, but she was the kind of girl he wanted, she was a bit slimmer than Jenifer, she moaned like her and she smelt almost like her, but since the act was without sheath, the pleasure was more than any he had ever had with anyone.
Just as the old herbalist had said, the victim’s senses came almost instantly he finished ejaculating. She became conscious immediately and screamed.
“Rape! Rape!! Rape!!!”
Baba Risika was fixatedly bewildered. He should have staggered to where he parked his car and race off without a second thought, but apart from the sudden unexpected trigger, the voice too was acutely familiar.
“Jenifer!” He screamed. Then she tried to keep quiet.
“Baba Risi, you just raped me?” Jennifer flinched, her body shook as she aggressively tried to gather herself, “You are a very foolish man, do you know what you have just done! I have always ensured that you used a condom because I have HIV Aids, and now you have come directly to contract it too. How foolish of you!”
“Jenny baby. Aids!!! But…Bu…bbb” He stuttered.
A lady had heard her voice when she shouted, but because the lady was alone in that path, she had gone out to mobilize some brave men that could handle the rapist, before the emotional drama between the two people ended, about ten guys and three ladies had already trouped out of the other lecture halls and were charging towards the rapist.
Baba Risi held his trousers as he ran, he kept dragging it up at intervals, and he could not exactly tell if he was running from the mob or the discovery of his present health status. He kept running like a mad man.
His speed was not fast enough, some men had double crossed him from the other side too and he was soon in the midst of them all. As he tried to escape and dodge the slamming hits, he touched quite a number of the men and ladies in the mob and they became dump and submissive because he was still putting on the ring.
There was only one antidote – only one way to cure the hypnotic state of those who had been touched – in his struggle, Baba Risi had used it to touch three girls and fourteen men – He had to sleep with them all! His eventual jail term and incessant hospital visitations and admissions were tales he’d forever tell his children and other young people.


3 thoughts on “What Goes aROUND” by Levuz (@Levuz)

  1. hmmm interesting tale…although I had to do the punctuations myself…and paragraphs would have made reading, a lot more enjoyable.
    There are however some comparisons that crested my brows…
    a woman’s tummy likened to a ‘yeasted dough”?.
    lolx…geezs! that knocked me off with laughter and perplexity.
    Then I don’t think sounds appear….they are only heard.

    Besides that, it was a very amusing and educative tale.
    Thanks for sharing.

  2. Oluwaseun Ojegoke (@ojestar)

    “…Baba Risi had used it to touch three girls and
    fourteen men – He had to sleep with them all! ”

    Very interesting and hilarious, and of course the morals is there for all to see.

    Keep writing.

  3. Vanessa's writings (@Vanessa)

    Very funny. Well done!

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