Leave My House!

The crowd of well-wishers waved at the new couple until their car was no more in sight. Segun increased his speed. He had managed to suppress his urge all through the times of the ceremonious activities, and couldn’t stand the wait anymore. They soon got to the house. It was a new beautiful mighty mansion that Segun had bought with which to start off with his wife. He rushed his wife into the bedroom, and delved into a steamy romance.

Smooches, sensual touches, and then thrusts. Clara screamed Segun’s name in high and low syllables. She was going crazy with pleasure. But then….

“Leave my house!”

Segun paused, Clara’s moans were cut off, as she also went still.

“Leave my house!!” the voice came again, louder.

Segun jumped off his wife in fright and turned on the light. His heart was pounding, and his eyes were blinking frequently, spelling out immense fear, “Just where had the voice come from?” he wondered in fear. A thick fluid dropped from the ceiling, on his face. He touched it, and looked, it was blood.

“Jesus!!!” Segun screamed, trembling like a cold-stricken hen.

The blood came on the white sheets, and then on Clara, sending a cold shiver running down her spine. She let out a loud shriek, her eyes almost bursting.

“Who are you? Show yourself!” Segun managed to demonstrate bravery, even though he was dying inside. His legs had lost their steadiness on the ground.

“Are you still there?” the voice was cold.

“Y-yes!…” Segun’s lips were trembling, “…I want to know why…”

“I said leave my house!! Leave my house!! Leave!! Now!!!”

In a flash, Segun bolted away. His wife followed suit. And as they ran, they could see stains of blood on the white tiled floor, and they could hear the sinister laughter of the ghost of Kayode by whom the mansion was haunted.

5 thoughts on “Leave My House!” by Ezeama Chijioke Desmond (@Chijy)

  1. Hmm…

    Firstly…are really sure this is a flash fiction? It read like it has a continuation.

    secondly, how does one ‘trembling like a cold-stricken hen’ look like? Have in mind that when you write, you paint images in your reader’s mind. I’ve never seen a cold-stricken hen, I’m not sure if then even shiver. It would be best to use metaphors people can relate with easily.

    Thirdly, if blood dropped from the ceiling, my expectation would be that he would look up to see what was dropping it (which is realistic) but you never told us anything about that…

    fourthly, I like the paciness of your writing, you tell the story well and paint the pcitures well, however you need to fill in the blanks – like the one of Kayode. The way you introduced him at the end was as though it was a forced closure.

    Nice flash fic all the same.

  2. observations taken. Thanks for your comment

  3. Observations taken. Thanks for your comment @Afronuts.

  4. this was quite short and captivating.. @afronuts said a bit of my mind (the blood from the ceiling). this could pass for one of ’em short films on AfMag. Nice.

  5. @Mayree, I’m glad you find it captivating. Thanks for your comment.

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