“Carve your heart out yourself
Hopelessness is your cell
Since you’ve drawn out these lines
Are you protected from trying times?
Man it takes a silly girl to lie
About the dreams she has
Lord, it takes a lonely one
To wish that she had never dreamt at all”
I sang along to Dashboard Confessional’s music that was blaring from my speakers. It couldn’t be loud enough, no matter how high I raised the volume. The music screamed my feelings much louder than I could. I’m such a stupid girl.
Stupid! Stupid!! stupid!!!
I punched hard at my pillows till feather downs poofed out.
I didnt even notice when Mama John came into my room. She turned down the stereo, and I turned around to see her face tightly screwed in a frown. She has been truly worried about me.
“Mama, my song!” I pouted like an 8 year old
“Simi, are you trying to bring down the house?” she chastised.
” Ha-ha! you are too funny mama. As if you don’t know all these rooms are sound proof” I replied.
I moved towards the ipod port, to turn the music back up, and she gave me a look that said I wouldn’t dare. I stopped.
“ooh, what do you want from me?” I complained, falling face first into my bed.
“These are the clothes you asked me to prepare for tomorrow’s board meeting.” she said, and hung the garment bag in my closet.
She sat on my bed, and asked.
“Why dont you stay home tomorrow. I’ll make you soup, we will do some singing. When last did you sing like you used to?”
She stared at me searchingly, like she was trying to bore into my soul.
I told her everything, immediately I got home on friday. She knew all was not well, even though I tried so hard to keep it all bottled down.
” Mama, I have told you before. Tomorrow, the new partners are coming. We have to formalise all the business we discussed on friday. I cannot be absent for anything” I sighed, and fell into my bed again.
” what about the other issue? The er- er-” Her voice trailed off, and I laughed.
“Mama, look at me, like I told you, I have no time to mope over Jide. By 8 o’clock, Toni is coming to pick me up, and we are going to party. I’m fine. I promise you” I protested, a little too much.
I couldn’t make sense of all that had happened.
Jide was the one sane thing in my world. We were in Canada together all lovey dovey taking the world in our strides. Now… He can explain?
Toni came around and squeezed me in a tight tight sequins dress.
We went out clubbing and even though tomorrow was a big day for Servace oil, she promised me it would do me a lot of good.
She was right. Club OK banged my ears deaf. I popped two bottles of champagne, and then gave it away. I danced with a neanderthal and couldn’t careless.
“Babe… ” Toni shouted in my ear
“What” I shouted back laughing. I wasn’t drunk, I was happy
“Come on! Look who’s here!” She sounded so excited, I was excited for her.
I ran off with her, and she practically thrust me into the broadest hardest chest in town.
“Easy there lady” he chuckled and held me up.
“You. Are you following me around?” I queried, but I didn’t really care much about his coughed out answer.
I dragged him to the dance floor, and coaxed him into dancing.
We danced all night. We slow danced, we even tangoed and the crowd circled around us.
I stayed glued to his frame for support when i got too tired and We talked for a long time into the night, I didn’t even notice Toni was gone.
I woke up the next morning in my bed.
It was a miracle.
When I rolled around to do my usual stretch, I rolled into a hard body I was beginning to get used to.