My Aduke Has Been Touched (Part 1)

My Aduke Has Been Touched (Part 1)

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Aduke wandered into the serene, benighted compound,where bleating of goats and relaying crows of cocks ostentatiously,exchange perpetual batons.She is heavily beside with , as she enters the compound in a blatant shadow of herself,looking terribly unkempt from her hair to the toe nails. Her once upon a time beauty gown, she wore so proudly, now seem terribly bedraggled; smeared well with many specks of clay….

The glum on her visage is a complement to her terribly drenched face – she’s critically huffy. Like a stick of lolly pop, into an anxious mouth, is the sucking index finger that stuck to one corner of her mouth,as she sobs herself out in a pool of regret . It wasn’t long before the uncanny noise reached Awele, under the palm frond -made booth, where she has been busy working on the last phase of processing, before the soaked cassava tubers would turn into cassava flour.She has a massive sieve in her hands ,as he he looks upward. Obviously , she has been really doing a great job in separating the chaffes from the dissociating tuber-nothing should hinder the momentum now.

Aduke gawked at the direction where the bawling was coming from. “ could that be who ?”, she muttered a question to herself. But looking at the massive bowls, of soaked cassava tubers, which have not been touched, she became too hesitant to leave her stool, and begin to  look out for the stranger .She wouldn’t , even leave these chores for a million pounds. Not after waking up at the first crow, just to make sure she meets up with her set target. (getting all 5 bowls done) What happened at the last Oja oba, must not repeat itself. She still bears the cost, and all was due to inadequate discipline on her part. However, she has barely lay her hands-on the first bowl, before the arrival of a uninvited guest, prodding her with pitiable crying, to come see her face.“Tawa ni adani duro de onigbese yio?”, Awele blurted in frustration. Se kin lo wo no abi bawo?, she debated on the choice of action to take.

Perforce,Awele resorted to checking who the intruder will be, but she was quite sure she can’t be her Orente (as she fondly calls,Aduke, her only daughter,and child, obviously for her chubby and unparalleled beauty.) Of course, by now she will be somewhere inside the farm clearing out the infesting weeds, who are ferociously competing with the corn plants that will soon reach maturity. Not fewer than two steps of her inquiries peregrinations, as if the intruder heard her footsteps that  give th ground a throbbing pain, so it increased the knob on her crying chord- the sound suddenly went up! “ Ke ni ye o, Iwo were buruku yi.” , She  blazes with anger.

Who is this monstrous creature, who has chosen to disrupt her work? She even defies her curses and anger and continued with her crying. Momentarily, Aduke became terrified “Ke m temi pelu egbere? , She queried. However, she quickly braced up herself, grabbed the edge of the armlets she wore around her  arm, whispered some incantations, and suddenly stomped the direction where the noise was coming from. “Where are you crying monster? Where are you!” , She screamed aloud. Please I plead for a contest, let’s enter the same trouser, and see who wears it. Let me show you I am a lineal descendant of Ajanaku, Afida merin din logun perin gban gban”, Aduke stood up, like a vintage her eyes became balls of fire, as she boasts to the unseen assailant her heroine prowess.

She had only taken two steps forward, when her intuition forced her, to turned left, and here suddenly appears her “ battle opponent”! She was lost for words, this had been the last person she thought of seeing, even in her own figment of imagination.” What, why, when, who, how”, barrage of questions vibrate on her lips. She groped for what is apt to say, but her own hears hasten for a perfect answer.

It is no one, but the choiced apple of her eyes, Aduke ! She couldn’t explain this horrible image that beset her sight. Aduke, her jewel, who she had dressed up earlier, with a unique, well embroidered gown, one in all Otikin town. Her memory suddenly flashed back to the scene, where she was humming traditionally medley, while she made her hair with queen service. She could vividly see the suku hairstyle again standing proud out of  the center of her head into the sky; However, the aura of beauty she exuded has completely faded. The suku is crooked, doing obsession to the ground. Neither could you find a strip of flamboyant on her unique skin or see any glory radiating on her. She looks more than a shadow of herself;from her mien, she’s coming from a disaster prone area.

Awele suddenly fell to the ground, paralyzed with fear , she crouched close to her daughter, hot tears effortlessly trickled down Aduke scalded cheek, she grabbed the huffy looking Aduke closer to her bosom, slap her back gently, as mother and daughter, expresses sorrowful emotions. After some minutes of hues and cries, and an unending wailing, of yet to be known woes, Awele knew she has to brace herself up, and become the calming waters into the burning soul of her apparently, heavily disillusioned daughter. After all, she wants to know who has the guts, in this town, to have inflicted such pain on her eyeball. Her heart surged up with vengeance, as she randomly scanned for what could have happened to her Aduke. But Aduke is too harmless, innocent and puny, for anyone to dump this burden on, what kind of world is this? , she searched the sky for answers,as tears flow freely once again.
As she groped for words, Awele feasted her eyes on her, reading every trace of emotions crossing her haunted visage. She consistently urged her, and assured her, to muster up some courage, and relate whatever might have accosted her, on the way. Like a crap first step on the cold earth, was her first few words, as she began to narrate the ordeal that befell her – that day.“As I approached,baba Osingi elemu ogidi’s palm tree plantation, then this ‘ Alaraka‘, showed up from the space. …”Aduke breathy expressions was ferequently fragmented, and her words muffled with many incoherent sentences,however desperately keen Aduke ears caught every word very well. The impassioned narration stirred up, all the dead, hidden feelings inside awele’s soul. She hung on her every word as she listens from the horses’ mouth.

Postscript

: “Tawa ni adani duro de onigbese yio?”

who is this anti progress?

Se kin lo wo no abi bawo?

Should I go check out or what?

“ Ke ni ye o, Iwo were buruku yi.”

It will not be well with you, you this mad fellow.

“Ke m temi pelu egbere?

what’s ,mine with a an “egbere”, a kind of mythical creature infamous for his crying

Afida merin din logun perin gban gban

One who killed a mammoth elephant with sixteen swords.
Alaraka
A term for good for nothing.



9 thoughts on “My Aduke Has Been Touched (Part 1)” by petersonspecies (@Petersonspecies)

  1. Hmm!

    I tried, but, unfortunately, I had to throw in the towel, that is, before I reached the end of the tale–sorry, I could not read it all.

    * The punctuations did not work well, especially the commas.
    * Also, there ought to be a space after a punctuation mark.
    * Tense issues (has/had)

    Well, I learnt two or three new words.

  2. This is a good story line. However, I couldn’t understand the plot and the characters because at some point, you wrote in present tense and other times, you wrote in past tense. This is very confusing.
    According to Concord, if you wish to writ in present tense you should stick to it till the very end. Same goes for past tense. Usually, writing in past tense is easier except you are a pro who can expertly write in present tense.
    This is just my humble two cents (suggestion).
    Good job though.

  3. You were practically showing off your grammar not your heart. I couldn’t read it through. Some words you used did not fit properly and you happen to have verbalized most of your nominals. I understand you were more engrossed with the associate meanings of most of your labels but not withstanding they must still have bearings to their conceptual meanings. A good writer writes with his heart through carefully handpicked lexical items. I learnt some new words thanks for that

  4. @Domnique, Eminefoh, namdi. Thanks for ur comments. I was trying something, but just can get it right, yet.Thanks for reading .

  5. Love the story , forget the little issues. I got some bigger things this year! Please, I need more of ur constructive criticisms . Thank you!

  6. I couldn’t read it through. The write-up is too complicated. Sometimes, writing in real simple terms bring out the beauty of a story.

  7. I concur with @maggiesmart , try use a simple words for clarity of purpose. so many ambiguous sentences in there. I like the plot and setting.

  8. Shoo! My head wan shatter o…I had only read the first two paragraphs and hd to go and look for dictionary.

    Oga ejor nau…I dirnt went to school like that o..it is only is and was I sabi…lolx

    Bt on a more serious note love…it ws a beautiful story wit an amazing plot n I liked that u brot in new dictions for us to learn bt u see d tin eh, too muc of it can ruin d beauty of a story and to b frank I wish I cud write like u…scatter grammar anyhow bt pls take it easy on us…biko.

    Bt pls keep writing and we hope to see a positive chnge.kisses!

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