Hello all you happy people.
I know I posted a somehow sounding something about why the three both of us as a good writing somebody should not be doing it for free… and now I’m posting this one. (Don’t worry, I’m not high on Oshogbo weed.) Since there are a few exceptions as to why you shouldn’t do that, here are a few reasons why you should.
1. Writing is a means of self-expression.
I think the reason most individuals with sound mental cognition would wish to express themselves is, more often than not, to be heard (or in this case, to be read).
Now, if you really so very much want to be heard, but then you up and slap a price tag on your thoughts and words when you’re not Wole Soyinka, Chinua Achebe (RIP), Chimamanda Adichie, Nwachukwu Egbunike, Heidi Klum, Orlando Bloom, Johnny Depp, Christiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi, Wizkid, Davido or Olamide, I’m not very sure anyone apart from your family members, your friends, your “haters” who just happen to be everywhere, (Psyche eval, anyone?), the intellectual property thieves and plagiarist bastards incapable of any smidgen of original thought (Rot in hell, beechees!), and your critics, (both positive and negative) would want to listen to you.
Heck, sometimes, even I myself wouldn’t want to pay to listen to me.
But, come to think of it, the above set of lifeforms already make up a lot of readership; not to mention the bored (who are prepared to read anything), the familiar spirits and karishikas, (let’s stop the prejudice, people. Mermaids can be intellectual too, when they’re not out trying to destroy a man’s destiny you know?), the witches that follow you from the village (***an article on how they do that, coming soon***), your crushes; both female and male (***A man can never be too careful these days when another man begins to smile too freely at him. Lalahilalahu! Just imagine… Boner to boner, iron sharpeneth iron… Blood of God!***)
Anyway, these swell peeps should be enough company for a rant session, and I can bet you half my kingdom that they’ll listen very well if you have so much clutter in your mind and are looking for ways to get it all out. Don’t worry, you don’t even need to ask for John the Baptist’s head, I could give it to you for free, because apparently, anakadrian is just good like that.
Oo le ri! ***laughs in Sudanese***
My Yoruba brothers will appreciate those words better.
Anyway, here’s some interesting reading you’d definitely want to catch up on later. Don’t worry, it’s free.
2. Writing for free makes you feel good. Yeah, kinda like charity.
After you have made people smile, and you get some veritable heart-warming feedback in the comment box that your writing has made someone’s day, there’s a certain merry-berry-blue-berry-chim-chimeny-sunshiny-all-kinds-of-gooey-lovey-dovey-mushy-surge-of-rich-chocolatey-goodness that you begin to feel within you; from the heart to the liver, and back. It makes you want to put down the noosed rope and keep the short stool aside for a while, and maybe wait for another day or two… or ten, before you end the controversy of life. Possibly another month, who knows? Life may not be so bad, afterall.
(***Enter the age-long argument that there is no such thing as “a selfless good deed.” Grab your popcorn, people. It’s a doosie. The argument is almost as long as that of “the chicken and egg; which came first?”)
Hmm… Fried egg and plantain go make sense for dinner sha. Splash a little Ketchup on top of that shii; and with a small bowl of nkwobi by the side, escort it with some spinach, come jam am with a cold glass of Orijin. Yeeeeeah, good stuff, good stuff.
Forgive me, I digress.
3. Writing makes you make him make them make everyone else see reason.
I really dislike coming across as preachy because, personally, I believe sermons are a waste of time. Advice is good, sure; as a reminder. But a sermon is basically telling me what I already know; and bro seriously, if I’m already bent on doing a particular thing, or on adopting a certain lifestyle, a holier-than-thou, scripture-toting, condescendingly smug, too-holy-to-have-an-erection-and-too-posh-to-wipe-his-arse-or-take-a-piss kind of dude who comes to me to start talking plenty, driven by his frequent bouts of apoplectic episodes of self-righteousness; is the probably last thing on God’s green earth that’s going to persuade me not to.
Advise; in concern. Correct; in love. Teach those who do not know, so that they do; and leave those who already know, but still choose to live contrary lives and ignore advice, to stew in their own juice. Their costly life experiences should set their minds straight.
…or kill them; either way. Life doesn’t always give second chances.
4. Oh goshdarnit, writing is fun. Just like listening to music that pushes the right buttons, or going on a date with the love of your life. (Yeah, I’m happily married, by the way; to my Playstation, that is; and we have two lovely pads. It’s an open relationship, so we can do threesomes. That’s how we roll.)
You may also like to read Honest Writing is Funny Writing
5. Writing helps you think, reflect, analyse; all that psycho-analytic, existential, kind of shii.
And sometimes, just sometimes…
6. Writing can be done for the main purpose of playing on the minds of the readers. Trying to see who may or may not be catching your drift.
And then finally,
7. Writing to amuse ourselves, and the others we know are going to be kind enough to read what we write. False humility would demand I say that I’m still a learner at this one. But Taah! Stop that nonsense osiso! I’m fully aware that at this, I’m a freaking badass. And why 7? Well, someone once told me that its the number of perfection. Hahahahahahahaaaaa!
But seriously, people. Y’all should stop writing for free anyhow; especially for all these foreign websites that exploit African freelancers (I didn’t mention any names). It’s bad for business.
But sha, if I find that my clientèle keeps decreasing by the day, and that ghost writing is not longer able to prevent me from becoming a ghost, I can’t come and go and kill myself; I’ll simply port to Yahoo plus, backed by traditional Insurance, gaskia. In fact, I’m ending this write up right here… Earlier this week, I bought a tortoise; and a good meal hollowed out the shell. Let me go and start practising how to stand on it without losing balance. I think I still have some cowries from those decorative beads my cousin made for me last Christmas.
Na joke I dey oh.
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