I do not like you and I think I may never get married. Most of my friends and agemates are already married with some even having more than one wife and children of course. Whenever some of my friends, relatives or colleagues ask me when I’m getting married I just smile and tell them soon, initially I used to tell them never but the reaction and pressure I always got from them made me cook up a better lie ‘soon’ ( Although I don’t know long the ‘soon’ will continue to serve as a palliative to their questions and nagging, maybe I will start telling them very soon ). Don’t get me wrong I don’t hate you completely, I often find myself envious of some of the married couples I know especially when I see them with their children. I want to give my parents at least one grandchild, I want to hold my own child and be proud that I played a part in creating another human being but all that has never been enough reason to make me have a rethink. I respect the institution of marriage but I’m not just sure if I’m cut out for it.
You know how some people blame some event in their past to justify their current misdeeds or actions like saying ” when I was a kid my dad used to beat my mother that’s why I hate men”, well I believe some event in my past has made me scared of marriage. Let me tell you the story, a story that actually involves you.
You see I know these family who for years lived without really knowing each other, they were not entirely oblivious of the existence of each other but there was an invisible line dividing them and they hardly crossed it unless it became really necessary. They were happy living in their separate worlds. Then one fateful or is it unfateful day a visitor from far far away across the seas came calling, they had never seen his type before he did not have black skin like them instead his skin was as white as the spirits, when he spoke he seemed to talk through his mouth and nose. Some of them viewed him as an unbeliever and therefor unclean to associate with. To most of them he was an enigma they could not really understand but since he had come they had no choice but to accommodate him with his strange and unusual ways. With time this visitor established his name among them he used his tricks and cunning to exploit them until he became richer and more prosperous than them eventually he made them his subjects and forced them to start interacting with each other and then one day he called them all together and said;
“You know I have your best interest at heart and I want to make you as rich and powerful as I am”.
They all stared at him refusing to believe his lying words ( even though they were his subjects they were definitely not fools ) but since he was their master they kept quiet and he continued.
” That is why I called you today to inform you that I have decided to join you in marriage,I have found a suitable husband for you and all of you will be his wives”.
His announcement shocked them enough to untie their fearful tongues, they voiced out their protest which he immediately silenced with his roaring command. They all trembled at the roaring command which they were all familiar with and feared even more than the roar of a lion.
At the wedding he made himself the officiating minister. In marrying them he departed from the usual norm of asking ” Do you Mr A take Mr B to be your spouse” or asking the congregation ” If their is anyone who has any objection to the marriage speak now or forever hold your peace “, instead he headed straight to the end “I now pronounce you husband and wives”. When he told them they could now kiss their husband they remained frozen with disgust until he grabbed their heads and made all of them share a forced kiss with their husband.
And so their life as a family began, but it was not a peaceful marriage. They quarelled almost everyday, one day one of them will wake up and say “lets cook tuwo today” but another wife will say “no I want to eat fufu or amala” and before you know a quarrell ensues. One of the wives will declare “My religion is better than yours”, another will say “Im the only one serving the true living God”. It was terrible they were living under the same roof but they didn’t mind blowing off the roof or even destroying the whole house still the visitor insisted that they must stay together. Don’t you know that marriage is for better or for worst, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poor, till death do you part he told them. When he said till death do them part he said it in such a way that suggested he would rather see them kill each other than to see them separate.
As the years went by their relationship only seemed to get worst. The visitor also grew older and weaker over the years until one day the wives told the visitor to leave them alone and go back to wherever he came from.It was time for them to be independent. He also saw the truth in their demand and since he had exploited and stolen enough from them already ( sending whatever he got back to his original home ) he agreed that it was time for him to leave, and leave he did.
With his departure the marriage grew worst until one day one of the wives decided that the best way out was to put an end to the marriage but the husband and the other wives said no. It got so bad that the wife that wanted to end the marriage packed out of the matrimonial home fled across a bridge called the Niger bridge and filed for divorce ( as the petitioner ) but the husband along with the other wives ( as the respondents ) and the visitor ( who despite his absence still had a say in what was going on ) insisted that the marriage must stand. A long and violent divorce proceedings that lasted for two years, six months, one week and two days ensued, during this horrible period most of the other family and friends the family knew took sides and supported the respondents only a few supported the petitioner. Even the presiding judge was biased and seemed to be on the side of the respondents. In the end the respondents won and the petitioner was forced to move back into the matrimonial home. Even as I write this the marriage is on a shaky foundation and may actually give way any day now ( I pray it doesn’t ). The old petitioner seems set to start another divorce proceeding. I hear that some lawyers are already preparing divorce papers for the petitioner.
Before you start saying that the reason why the marriage isn’t working is because it was a forced marriage of convenience let me tell you about the marriage of the visitor. When he went back to his place of origin he also decided to enter into a marriage voluntarily and out of love but true to his tricky and cunning ways he refused to operate a joint account with the other party insisting that he will continue to use his pound sterling and not the euro they agreed upon. There is even talk that the visitor is contemplating opting out of the marriage.
From what I have seen from that family and a whole lot of other families I can see that you and I may never be on the same page. I just hope that after reading this letter you will understand why I dont want anything to do with you.
This letter is a work of fiction, any resemblance to the British creation and colonization of Nigeria, the Nigeria/Biafra civil war,the European Union is purely coincidental.