He was violently thrusting in and out and as he did, the pain reached a fever pitch. I kept struggling, but I was fast losing my strength. I got tired of struggling and started to cry. He continued, and continued, and continued, and continued till…….. I passed out.
I woke up the next morning with a sore throat. I realized I had scorched my throat with my screams. My entire body quaked with pain. The area between my legs felt like it was being pierced with hot steel rods. My anus hurt badly, it felt like a large stone had been thrust through it. I tried to stand, but I was too weak. I was trying to remember what happened the night before. I could not believe it. This was a nightmare, and I was sure I was going to wake up.
Just then, Joshua walked in, and I knew it wasn’t a dream. This was real. A hot tear left my right eye and rolled down my cheek, simmering it as it did. Joshua sat next to me and wiped the tear. In between a smile and a frown he told me how sorry he was. He told me how he sometimes had these strange sexual desires and he couldn’t resist them last night when they took over him. Instantly, I hated him. I loathed him. I was stupefied. I said nothing, but stared straight at the ceiling in pain and anguish. I lost my virginity to this beast in the most savage and brutal manner. Something that should have been a joy ride for me had traumatized me. Me? Anal? BDSM?
I gathered my strength, went into the bathroom, and had a shower that lasted an hour. I cried so much that I wasn’t sure if the water cascading down my body was from my tears or from the shower. I left his house without saying a word to him. That was the end of that chapter, and I swore never to open another one. I concluded that men were bad news. Men were evil story and I was determined not to open another chapter.
My determination did not last three months.
I met Ekiyor.
I was still hurting from the morbid experience I suffered at the hands of Joshua when Ekiyor came and gave ‘caring’ a whole new definition. He was too sweet, too cool, too calm, too collected, just as I liked, and just as I was. He loved me so selflessly and was a gentleman debonair. He had my traits! Such a miracle for me!
After six months of dating, I was sure he was the one for me.
Eighteen months after meeting each other, we got married. That day was the happiest day of my life.
Fast forward to present time.
It’s been two years of marriage and this must be the most boring marriage I think ever existed. I just wish I could turn back the hands of time. I just wish I could reverse my choice of Ekiyor.
Ekiyor and I hardly talk to each other. We can sit in the living room for hours and the only words that will be shared between us are- ‘How was your day?’ ‘Fine.’ Finish. Nothing more. He hardly tells me what he does, where he goes. I don’t know his friends; I don’t know about his family; I don’t know about his going out and coming in; I practically don’t know anything about the man I live with. He keeps a lot of secrets, and that scares the bejeezus out of me. I keep secrets too, but I have tried to be open to him. But our marriage is a one way street. I’m trying to make it work, I don’t know what he is doing.
We are intimate strangers, physically together, emotionally apart.
I wish he was a lot more outspoken, I wish he could just be a little open. I’m so bored that I just wish he were different. I am beginning to think my greatest mistake was marrying someone who had my traits, or am I wrong?