Nothing bites deeper than the feeling of worthlessness, the feeling that you do not even know if you’re good at what you do. The feeling that you cannot accomplish what you set out to do. Nothing bites deeper than that.
Depression is a cloud hanging above your heart; it doesn’t gather so much that it will fall, but just enough to make your heart heavy, just enough to weigh you down.
Like this cloud, the future is bleak. Bleak with faint outlines of plans which you cannot trust, plans that you made.
Every starless night, Nneoma, I stare at the dark heavens and ponder on these feelings. I think of the future, a big question mark. I think of you, then I think of you and me. I strain mentally to picture us both, together in the future, the bleak future. It’s tough.
They rejected me again; threw my scripts right at my face. They said I cannot write and it was useless meddling in writing. They do not believe in my story, our story. I wonder now if you did, if you do.
There’s no limit to what one can take, except that which he sets for himself. I cannot take it anymore, I cannot keep living. I cannot keep living with that heaviness, that feeling that gets my heart sagging. I cannot live with the feeling that you took your decision and I couldn’t stop you. There’s nothing now.
Love is our decisions to live in dreams, dreams where we get forcefully pulled out from. Your decision pulled me out of mine. A mortal blow that has left me dazed.
Life is a bully we cannot win. I’ll stop fighting life just like you, it’s no use. I’ll stop cos there’s nothing to fight for and live for except that cloud of different ingredients, different tastes of defeat and misfortune and hopelessness. If I see you, I’ll ask you what you think of love and hope. I’ll ask you if you ever believed those words, if I see you…