Her Death!

I cannot say exactly when the scrawny hands of death snuck in but my guess is that it was by installments. Little by little, they tore away at the sacred threads that form the lofty fabric of womanhood, and then suddenly we see the woman no more. What we have in her stead is a mere shadow that is ever readily swayed by everything and anything.

We have a woman who would do anything to be called ‘Mrs’, and even more, to ensure that she retains this title till death does the parting.

It doesn’t matter if she loses a part of her essence each time she takes these desperate steps because it is what is expected of her. It doesn’t matter because the world would know it’s her duty as a woman; A Woman’s Birthright.

What counts for all is that she does not get to wear the shameful toga of being single, separated or divorced. What matters is that the society gets to give her the patronizing accolade she so desperately craves to keep her shoulders high and gloat amongst her single peers.

And when the pedals begin to recoil, when her marriage begins to crumble, she would stem some sort of façade of a happy wife, because it is wrong for a woman to leave her husband even if he goes around chasing after a woman/women or anything else that catches his insipid fancy at the time. So she would smile and shake hands in public, while trying relentlessly to manufacture a retaining ground in her household by giving her husband’s family a son, and all the while fasting and praying for a far-off turn around.

Because why? Why go back to a time when every waking and sleeping hour was spent scheming on how to trap a man and keep him for eternity? Why go back to the time when being identified as ‘Miss’ in her late twenties meant being talked down on by family, friends and the society in general? No woman wants to experience that again, not after ‘successfully’ waving the flag to singlehood.

So she would stay in this cloak branded marriage, smile, and fast and pray that someday she would be able to see a fragment of the man she so earnestly prayed for. Suddenly, marriage becomes a mission towards molding her man into the perfect husband; her life purpose.

Then slowly she would graduate from an abandoned wife to an unregistered nurse. But what does it matter? She is married; Happily, should the public desire to know; unlike her less fortunate friends and colleagues swimming in the swarms of a terrible condition called singlehood.

So she would suck it up and wipe her tears at night, so often that it becomes a routine, and then she would smile, trudge on each following day, waking and living an airbrushed life that the society demands, cursing the man silently at every turn for turning her into the emotional wreckage she is fast becoming.

Then one day she would wake up and realize she’s 70 (If depression or hypertension doesn’t get her first), weak and all loved out. Realization of a loveless life would kick in and she would hate herself even more.

But today is not that day, today she would wake up, feed her husband and kids, smile for the masses and live the life expected of her. A life where every peal of laughter rings falsely in reason’s ear and is merely throat deep. A life where true aspirations are deeply buried under societal expectations. A life devoid of self and personal desires. A lifeless life.

And then the line between acceptable compromise and unacceptable sacrifice begins to blur out as she misguidedly glides from one end to another. One bit at a time her essence is chipped away by family, educators, suitors and finally spouse.

By the time she’s likeable, she is no longer a woman but a product of societal expectation of what she should be.


*** Inspired by an article on The Interview Magazine***

16 thoughts on “Her Death!” by Rhoiy (@Roy-journals)

  1. such is life……. the more we live, the more we learn

    1. @shovey Often times, I don’t think most of these girls know what the actual problem is. Most don’t even know there is a problem. So most people don’t even know the actual thing to learn. So They go ahead to learn what the society wants them to learn.

  2. Nicely written, and true.

    “I’m not the only one,” a typical woman, finely moulded into shape by the society, would say; “others have endured, I will too.” Truly, no one wants to be different, especially, when different has some not-too-nice synonyms–weird, immature, rebellious, and the like.

    1. @namdi it is beautiful how you comment on people’s works. Now I feel like I should have added that to the writeup… Lol!!!
      Thanks buddy…

  3. This is Nigeria, where women are expected to be perfect. This sums it up perfectly.

    1. Thanks so much @simisolaade I really hope this doesn’t affect the future generation as much as I think it would.

  4. This is a nice read. Thumbs up

    1. Thanks @Chijy I’m glad you liked it…

  5. This is so true it makes my blood boil. I have some friends and family members who are within my age range that are yet to be married, and I am always cautioning them not to follow the first man that beckons so as to wear the title of Mrs. There is one of them that always scoffs at me and says I am only saying that because I was lucky to get married early.
    The minute I find that my husband has his eyes outside, or the first day he raises his hand against me, we are done, totally done. To be married is not to be subservient, and deep down, husbands appreciate women who can stand up for themselves and be strong.
    I am a christian and I believe in the sanctity of marriage, but I won’t stay married because of the children’s sake, or the society’s sake, if my husband is not ready to put in the amount of work I am putting in to make our union succesful.
    Thisi is a much needed write up. Thanks

    1. @folakemi I totally felt the disgust in your tone. Some women have been so brainwashed into thinking that marriage somehow completes them or makes them more womanly than they are as single women. Like you said, deep down, men appreciate women who can stand up for themselves and be strong, but there are still some myopic thinking men that feel threatened by women who stand up for their beliefs. I for one would tell you that if it hurts so much that you cant bear it, pack up and leave. Marriage is not a do or die affair. The society should not decide how you choose to live your life. Thanks for the comment, it was just perfect…

  6. Chai@folakemi I fear you o, no-nonsense. Lol.
    Seriously, it’s not as easy as it seems to be, if the time comes(and I so much pray it won’t), you would realise there’s more to an onion than its smell. On no basis would I(personally) encourage divorce, nevertheless I wouldn’t encourage a woman to keep suffering in silence. From a religious point of view I would say it is even more complicated for a muslim. Polygamy goes with the law(but adultery doesn’t of course). But the bad news is the men seem to hide so much under this cover.
    Cases like this has happened to about three of my neighbours; the husband beats the wife, you hear the shout but the following morning she denies. The husband cheats, the wife says ‘let him be, if i confront him he might marry her, I don’t want another lady in the house!’
    @Folakemi , in Nigeria, divorce can hardly be seperated from religion, unless of course you don’t have one. Misunderstandings and cheating among christians? Vile and more wicked. There was this case of a man whose pastor warned to stop cheating and beating his wife. He warned him NOT TO TOUCH the wife. The next time the man cheated or something and the wife voiced up, he got angry, went into his room and got iron spiked boots. Wore it, went to the wife and grinded her feet! Crushing her tendons with the spikes saying ‘The pastor asked me not to touch you, I didn’t.’ I call it utter wickedness.
    In a country like Nigeria, it is sadly common that the women suffer in silence, especially in a country where sexism runs in the culture and blood. The moment anything goes wrong, thousands of fingers point at the helpless wife…sad. What can be done?? That is what I expected @rhoiy to say too…he didn’t. Divorce isn’t the only option of course, so what can done??

    Well done, Rhoiy.

    1. Lol!!! @praize I am not really the type of person who would tell you that when your husband or wife cheats on you, you should leave him/her. But i am not also the kind of person who would stick around to watch my partner chase after everything that hovers around. I am all for DIVORCE when it is necessary. I don’t entirely accept everything you’ve written, especially when it comes to the divorce part. I would say in as simple English as I can, When it hurts so much that you cant take it, LEAVE.
      My aunt was married for fifteen years to a man who abused her for not giving him a child (I never knew marriage was all about ‘PROCREATION’). But she stuck around for years, rummaging through different denominations of churches in search of a child to keep her marriage. After being thrown out of her husband’s house and dragged through a terrible divorce, she moved on and got married to another man; a man who has now given her two beautiful girls that she is so greatly proud of.
      I would never push anyone into filing for divorce, but i would let you understand that that is a very great option at some point.

      1. @praize, I admit that I tend to see things only in black and white, and my marriage is one of those things I see like that. I am blessed to be married to my best friend, and I will forever be grateful. But that doesn’t mean I will condone rubbish. I am one of the most peaceful and gentlest souls amongst our family and close friends, but I am also very emphatic and will say what I will live with and what I will not live with.
        Religion has in a way perpetuated the enslavement of women to horrible marriages, and I believe being miserable while married is much worse that being miserable while single.
        If you notice, most of my stories have something or the other to do about women, and it’s because I am passionate about the African woman. I used to have a friend that would pack condoms for her husband when he went away on business trips, saying “so he won’t bring STDs home to me”.
        Can you imagine?
        I think I will stop now, because I will go on and on if I don’t…

  7. @folakemi I do understand you pretty well, and @roy-journals of course, but personally I wouldn’t encourage divorce, and if you do at the end resort to divorce, STAY UNMARRIED.
    I’m one who so strongly believe in God’s plan for a man…and in His plan, there is no divorce. I’ve been stressing Nigeria…Nigeria…but the fact that the rate of divorce even globally is more disheartening. It’s something I’ve been particularly unhappy about. In 2012, it was estimated that 42% of marriages end up in divorce, and of course the rate is bound to have increased over the years…Religion ties and society stigma seem to dissuade many from filing for a divorce in Nigeria and maybe Africa, but in other part of the world, who cares? Surely you don’t want to be like Europeans who divorce after just two years of marriage at the slightest challenge.
    When your partner cheats and the suffering is unbearable, you can divorce, but when you do so, you bear in mind you are not marrying again. I’m a christian just as @folakemi and if you do divorce, it’s okay, but if you marry another, God calls it a sin-adultery. So I’m in for divorce if you know you can stay unmarried but if you can’t, don’t press the button.
    @roy-journals I was expecting you to give other solutions you feel is possible or stylishly throw the question at us. This was a wonderful piece all the same but I would be most happy if you write a second part where likely solutions are proferred.

    Keep writing.

    1. @praize I understand you want some easier and less faith depriving way to solve this, but the truth is that it really doesn’t come that easily.
      I don’t believe the mistake of a wrong marriage should hinder anyone from finding happiness elsewhere. If my aunt hadn’t left her husband, she would never have found the happiness that she has come to find in the arms of her present husband. Even you can’t tell me that it isn’t the will of God.
      I really don’t believe that one divorce should hinder you from finding true happiness in another marriage.
      So this is basically my stance. If anyone else has a different opinion, I am open to adjust to it.

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