The One(1)

He was called Joshua Richards, and his parents were Mr. and Mrs. Richards, a couple of the middle class. Joshua was the eldest amongst the three children of the Richards’, seconded by Nicolas with Sandra coming last in the family.

Unlike his siblings, Joshua lived like a really impecunious nobody. He was treated like a slave, like Oliver Twist in the workhouse, he was denied priviledges which his other siblings enjoyed. His parents were cruel to him for reasons his mind could not fathom. His eyes were always reddening and sinking in, in hunger, his skin was pale and dry. His clothes were all letting out agonizing howls for change under the corpulent clouts of wear and tear. Joshua’s appearance perfectly defined abject poverty.

His spoilt siblings never helped matters, especially Nick who was always at his neck, seeking for baits to get into trouble to the extent of afflicting himself and blaming it on him. Sandy would never stop laughing at the way Josh was being treated, she would laugh until her eyes became teary. She laughed sarcastically.

The school was Josh’s comfort zone, it was the only place he could smile with ease and sometimes, laugh with his friends: Rocky, Lucas and Stephany, the lass on whom he had a huge crush.

Joshua was better than his other siblings in virtually everything. He was a lot more mature than other seventeen-year olds like himself, he was an academic genius. Plus, he was good-looking despite all the ill-treatment. He seemed to be fairer to look upon than any of the members of the Richards family. He was light-skinned, had a slender figure with broad shoulders and long legs like an athlete. His angular face featured small dim eyes, a pointed nose and pink sexy lips. The hairs of his head were jet black. But these features could only be depicted by a careful observation as a lot of harsh and brash treatment were speedily draining them all away. Strangely, Josh did not look in any way like any member of his family. This brought about his doubt about being an offspring from the family tree. Mrs Betty was really dark in complexion, fat and short, and her husband Mark, was a pinchamic and terribly dark man.

Mrs. Betty Richards, a fat clumsy haughty high-and-mighty supercilious woman, was his supposed mother whose presence would never permit Josh a breath of fresh air, ladening him with workload whether necessary or not, trying always to get him upset like Mrs Sowerberry to Oliver Twist. Josh detested her with all his strength; with everything he’d got. She was a flirt, and only Josh knew about her escapades with other men.

Josh lived like a prisoner in what was supposed to be his house, his flesh suffering everyday from the hurtful stripes of Mark’s cruel whips. Afflicting the poor boy with all kinds of cruelty had become a hobby, they enjoyed it; it gave them a great deal of pleasure; like they would die the moment they stopped being cruel to him. But then, what could he do? He was defenceless, helpless, confused. Why should the biological parents of a child habor so much abhorrence, so much contempt, acrimony and distaste for him? Nothing was wrong with him, no sort of abnormality or deformity. It just wasn’t really making any sense to him. Sometimes he thought that his assertion about them not being his real family was right after all; that he was probably an adopted child or something. Sometimes he wished he had died at birth, as it was better off compared to staying alive and not knowing any form of happiness.

He lived like a slave and even worse than a slave in what was supposed to be his home. He was treated like a prisoner, working endlessly and being whacked with cruel whips everyday, never ceasing to wonder when his dawn would come, because it looked like the stubborn nights were strong enough to hold his dawn till eternity.

To read through the prologue, click on this link:
www.naijastories.com/2015/07/the-one-prologue



16 thoughts on “The One(1)” by Ezeama Chijioke Desmond (@Chijy)

  1. Desmond, hmm!
    * I had to keep a dictionary close, because there were too many big words, and I had no idea what most of them meant. I still don’t know what these mean:
    – corpulent clouts
    – pinchamic
    * There were repetitions e.g the way Joshua was treated like a slave, the number of times you described Mrs. Richards.
    * There were also punctuation issues.

    You tried, but there’s more work to be done.

    1. lol… @ the dictionary comment…

  2. I agree with @namdi in toto. There are tense issues…you use ‘was’ and ‘were’ at random.
    With your continuous repetition of the ill treatment meted out on Josh and the description you gave of him as being different from the rest of the family, and also the flirting of Mrs Richards, I have every reason to suspect that you are giving out the storyline so early.

    Keep writing.

  3. It’s intriguing and I would like to read more, but I’m not very happy with the use of light skin and dark skin in this excerpt. Especially the use of the phrase “terribly dark”.

  4. speechless! Let me read it again!

  5. Hmm, I think it was too “Joshua Richardish”, slightly overrated, lacked a story line. But who cares, I like writers that are overtly unapologetic about their writings and choice of expressions.

  6. Thanks for reading and commenting. I promise to get better with the episodes coming. So keep reading.

    1. Okay sir… make it better…

  7. They said it all–

    Am surely gonna follow this quite interesting.just love how you bring back the memories of my best childhood novel: Oliver twist

    keep writing bro #kudos

  8. I could never finish reading Ake because I was tired of checking the dictionary every minute so I dropped it.
    This is promising but abeg no turn Wole Soyinka oo! thank God for the dictionary app in phones now .

    Following.

  9. You got me “rofl”-ing at “impecunious nobody”

    Yes, everything else the guys above me said.

    Following.

  10. Thanks guys. All errors would be worked on

  11. glad to read one of your works, but I agree with everyone else. My head hurt just reading the big words (I’m a simple word kind of lady. Perhaps that’s why I wasn’t ever crazy about Wole Soyinka’s works). And you kept on about Joshua’s ill treatment that it became monotonous.
    Also, try to use speech as much as possible. He said…she said, is a terrific way of breaking up your work. It makes a story less clunky and more enjoyable. Cheers

  12. thanks @Folakemi. I’ll wprk an all errors. Thanks for stopping by

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