A Wound that will grow with time.
Ruqqaiya stared into oblivion, her eyes had adjusted perfectly to the darkness in the room. As a little child she was very afraid of the dark but that seemed to have vanished.
She could still see the stone ice face of Sani as he declared their love futile.
She remembered going to the pharmacy and feeling awkward asking for contraceptives just last week, she also took them why didn’t Sani know then that last week when he was in bed with her.
The pain she felt was raw, thick and sharp, she was hurting as if she were walking on hot embers.
The tears seized just hours ago, they’d started after she left cupid’s nest.
‘We’re breaking up.’ Those words were still sounding loud in her ears like a gong. She had taken her ice tea cup and emptied its content on his face before making a u-turn and walking to her car. The 3 years she had invested in Sani were now lost, she couldn’t say she didn’t see it coming she had but decided subconsciously to ignore all the warning signs.
‘Are you alright.’ Her mother’s voice came reaching her like she was in a deep pit.
‘Hmmmm.’ Came her groggy reply.
‘You’ve slept till noon, have you forgotten what today is.’ Her mother said, she was standing in front of the bed her arms akimbo.
‘What is today?’ Ruqqaiya asked opening her eyes.
‘Your sister’s engagement ceremony and you’re still sleeping people will start saying that you’re jealous because your younger sister is getting married before you.’ Her mother said one of her hand was now resting by her side and lines of ageing which Ruqqaiya never noticed before were evident.
She rolled over and sat at the edge of the bed holding her head in both hands in the recent events with Sani she had forgotten all about her sister’s engagement.
‘I’m sorry mother, I will be down in a moment.’
They all stared at her like she had horns as she came down, her sister looked radiant and Ruqqaiya wanted to feel the same she was lucky that Leila her friend had come else she would’ve felt out of place with all the youngsters around.
Later in the evening when the ceremony was over she sat on the edge of her sister’s dressing mirror and wanted to start a conversation. Something they hadn’t done in ages, it was never like that they had drifted apart after Safiya had shown her dislike for Sani, Ruqqaiya was now wishing she had listened to her younger sister.
‘You know I came back quiet late last night that’s why I overslept.’ She said fiddling her fingers.
‘Ok.’ Safiya said, she was removing the jewelry she wore one by one.
‘Are you angry at me.’ Ruqqaiya asked getting up and trying to help with the stuff in her hair.
‘Why? No, not at all, I can understand.’ Her sister’s words were cold and her face stoic.
‘That it must not be easy for you to participate in my wedding.’
‘Common that’s absurd how can you say that.’
‘Because you have not participated in one thing, never asked how am doing and today you oversleep, I’m sure on on the wedding day you would travel perhaps on a business trip.’
Ruqqaiya was short of words she never thought her sister harbored all those feelings.
‘Safiya l’m very sorry, I know I haven’t been there for you, I have had a lot on my mind lately please don’t be angry.’
‘I’m not.’ She said, a card fell as she was pulling out her jewelry box from the closet Ruqqaiya bent over to pick it, it was a wedding invitation the words in cursive took her attention.
Sani & Zahra
‘Zahra your friend is getting married.’ Ruqqaiya asked holding the card with shaking hands.
‘To which Sani?
‘Sani Makama.’ A lame smile was on her sister’s face.
‘Its next week did you know all along?
‘Why didn’t you tell me.’
‘Thought you knew, you used to date Sani right?
‘Safiya you should have showed me this, how was I suppose know.’
‘What? Leila shouted flinging her hands backwards with alot of exageration and gripping her iPhone 6 tighter.
‘Yes Sani is getting married.’ Ruqqaiya said.
‘Wait, what again! I mean you said he was going to propose?
‘I thought he was but I was wrong, he called to break up with me.’
‘Two weeks ago.’
‘Before your sister’s engagement and you didn’t tell me?’
‘What would you have done? your predictions havent come out right, he still dumped me.’
‘I’m sorry Ruqzy who is he even marrying?’
‘Zahra my younger sister’s friend who is like 5 years younger than me.’
‘Don’t worry Ruqzy, he is a mumu.’
‘Is he not a cool Muslim brother, the kind I’m suppose to be running after.’ Ruqqaiya said looking Leila in the eyes.
‘Look Ruqzy we were wrong about him he is not cool and doesn’t deserve you.’ Leila sat near Ruqqaiya and held her hands, Forget him, wipe his memories away and start again.’
A smile was on Ruqqaiya’s face, a smile that signified loss, sadness and grief.
‘I can’t forget him nor wipe his memories away.’ She said holding Leila’s hand tighter.
‘Why not, you must, you can’t even rot as his second when the first is that small girl.’
‘I wish it were that simple Leila.’ Ruqqaiya said, eyes fixed ahead as if the person she was having the conversation was in front of her rather than beside.
‘What ever it takes you must forget that cheat, even if I have to delete your eyes.’
‘My eyes? She said glancing at Leila, typical of her to make humour out of every situation.
‘I mean your memory.’
‘Delete my memory.’
‘Ermm wipe….., format your memory so you forget that he goat he’s not he only man in the world and time heals all wounds.
‘I’m afraid this is a wound that will grow with time.’
‘Stop talking in riddles and come clear.’ Leila shook her impatiently.
‘I’m pregnant for Sani.’