"I’m like the moistened clay merged with grains of dust and sand"
It was a Tuesday night and there was a loud bang on my door. Frankly, I thought the Oloshes had finally located my house and had come to rob me of my 1993 television on the shelf and the little change I had borrowed from my colleague just the day before because our Chinco bosses hadn’t paid us for the month. In fact, I had even gone down on my knees in prayer, begging God to at least forgive me for all the sins I had committed recently.
“Baba God abeg na” I prayed “I know I tongue-lashed Ijeoma yesterday at the office but even though you and I know that what I told her was the truth, kukuma still forgive me. It will not happen again I swear! Eh okay okay okay, I know I stole Wole ‘s coffee but that was because I went to night vigil na and the dude sef stingy die”
“Quincy” I heard a whisper from my window and I froze. I waited, hoping to God that I had only imagined it. Ah! this one them even sabi my name, my own is finished o!, na personalized robbery be this! I lamented as I began to panic, pacing my room like a deranged somebody. I switched my prayers from ‘Be it unto me’ to ‘Holy Ghost fire! Consume them!’ And burst into tongues. Omo! No time o!
“Babe na me, come and open your door jor” I heard the whisper again and suddenly my brain began to register. I recognized the voice as one of my friends’… Onome’s.
What is this girl doing in my house at this time of the day, I began to wonder as I put aside my prayers and speaking in tongues. My phone rang with her name on display and so, I became certain that she was the one at the door. After heaving about twenty sighs of relief and blessing the name of Jesus, I opened my door and let her in.
“Babe, wetin dey worry you na” I halla-ed as soon as she walked into the house. She was wearing one kin yeye smile like that.
“Fear fear! Abeg comot for road make I pass” she mocked as she swept passed me and went into my bedroom.
“Madam, where are you coming from?” I inquired, my eyes finally falling on the mini-bag she had on her shoulders.
“Oh! From the best time of my life” she answered slumping on my bed and then grinning at my ceiling.
“Oh that is why you almost gave me high blood pressure this early morning? Why you no go your house or even follow Byke home?” I asked sweeping my eyes over her. She was wearing one of those boyfriend jeans and a crop top.
“Babe, you know my gate would still be shut by now and I didn’t follow Byke home because he was not the one I was out with” she answered throwing her head down with a smirk and I let my mouth drop opened.
“Ha! who? Your father?” I asked pretending not to have a clue.
She laughed “No…Nosa! And oh my God, he took me to this and that place and He bought me this and that” and I sat confused.
“Wait I’m confused” I admitted “was it not just yesterday Byke proposed?’ I asked wide eyed.
“Ehen, so?” she asked and I didn’t bother to ask further.
“I know…I know it looks wrong but babe, the fact that he has proposed doesn’t mean he would eventually marry me” She explained and I started to think “menh this girl no get faith at all” but then she continued…“What if he wakes up one morning after our seven years relationship and says he is not doing again, what will i do?” she asked and I said nothing.
“Start all over again?” she asked and I understood her fear.
These days, relationships are like computer systems-typical idiot machines-One day they are working fine, the next day, Puffff! Virus smack down! Explosive crash!. Imagine if you haven’t been backing up your hard drive- for those you who work in an office and make use of a PC-you know what this means, an automatic RESET!. Literally, it means you have to start all over again and if unfortunately, your work had been for years, pele o…accept my condolence.
So it has become important to always keep a backup hard drive just in case fire and brimstone rains on your office and consumes your computer system or the system suddenly decides to stop functioning. This reminded of a friend who narrated how her now ex-boyfriend woke up one morning and called her phone to say:
“Babe let’s break up abeg”
“What?! Why?” she asked bemused.
“I just realized that you don’t brush your teeth before you eat breakfast and that’s not ladylike” he answered and then dropped the call and that was how a relationship of about five years ended.There is no doubt that relationship end so abruptly these days and for silly reasons like:
“Eh I didn’t know you have another pinky toe, now that I know, I don’t want again”
OR “you like to lick toothpaste before you finally brush your teeth. It shows that you like wasting money and thus, will not make a good wife”
OR there is the one my best friend suffered for, “you don’t inspire me abeg”.
So many silly reasons.
However, a friend of mine once argued that these reasons may seem silly to others and even to the accused but in the eyes of the accuser it’s justifiable and in his own words, it is called being “Self preservative”-No one wants to take on what will make them unhappy. This in itself is another topic for another day.
These days, even parents and relatives encourage their daughters and sons to keep as many suitors/girlfriends around them as they possibly can, just in case the “oga/aunty we know” decides he/she is not marrying again.
And there is also the issue of age. The older a woman/man becomes, the more he or she is encouraged to keep as many options as they can because well, there is no time to start all over again. Take for instance, you’ve been in a relationship for over ten years and you are now thirty-five and suddenly the relationship is done. Menh! This is what my people call BADT MARKETT Like seriously, how do you want to start over, where do you want to start from?
But then, there are certain individuals like myself who find it extremely difficult to have and keep options. When we commit, we commit fully which makes it extremely difficult for us when we are dealt with a sudden heartbreak. More so, our sincere personality makes it seem like we are lying or concealing the fact that we are in a serious relationship when we have or keep these options. Basically, we find it difficult to draw the line between what marriages really is and what relationships are all about.
“But it will be wrong to encourage that person when you have no plans whatsoever to be with him or her?” I lamented to a friend of mine when she insisted I keep options too.
“You are not encouraging anyone. You are keeping their interests alive. You can never tell these things” she said. “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, Q”
And I grumbled and grumbled.
But what do you think? Do you think it is right or wrong to have and keep options? Do you think it is wise to encourage others to hang by your tail and wait till everything goes south with your honey-honey? Would you mind being someone’s option, someone’s second choice? Would you be indifferent if you learn your spouse keeps other men or women by his or her side? What’s your thought? Kindly share….
Written by Iwediokpulu Quincy; 4th June 2015; 4:13pm
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