I Wish

I Wish

I wish I could enter you
To know how you often feel;
How it is when age is due
And the skin of beauty on you does peel.

I wish I could just feel through you
The pains societal odium brings
When wedding bells of a friend rings
And for her bridal train, you quickly queue.

I wish I could still fall for you
Your blemished skin of varied hue,
I wish in love you fell for me
When I called for you on bended knees.

I wish your deep blue eyes could see
Beyond my past, learn my new being;
That the me that evolved was not mean
As you supposed them to be.

I wish you knew,
I wish you cared.
I wish you knew I was never dead
But slowly evolving into a man to love you
Without rue…
Now with a face of hues
And admirers few,
You espy me at my window
Hunting for a love game, O!
The only thing I wish for now isn’t you
I just wish this you knew.

11 thoughts on “I Wish” by Paul Bushman (@PaulBushman)

  1. This was very clean poetry @paulbushman . Smooth rhyme scheme, clear images, n simple English. I’m tired of poets trying to sound overly educated n grandiloquent n all that, that stuff’s been played out. Good job man.

  2. wow!

    Thanks scribe @Six. I appreciate your critique of my little piece, and I am glad you enjoyed reading this poem

  3. I agree with @six, simple and straight to the point. Its the kind of poetry for everyday. Good work.

  4. Thanks @Freya for that lovely comment

  5. Nice poetry…. Simple and precise

  6. Simple but not simplistic.
    Let’s make it clear here: this poem is good as good could be.
    I like the way the poem itself evolved from simple wish to deep inquiry into another’s thought pattern. It’s clean poem and I like.

    #however, the ending seems like a forced end line rhyming, but then it took nothing out of it.
    Thanks for posting

  7. @Chime221. I thank you for sharing your thoughts on the poem with me.
    However, what I don’t understand is what you meant when you said that my last line seemed to have a “forced end line rhyming”. To be frank with you, I don’t see how. I just used inversion to continue the rhyming streak. So instead of writing , “I just wish you knew this”, I said, “I just wish this you knew. INVERSION! That was the tool I used….

    Or maybe I didnt get what you meant. Could you clarify what you meant by” forced end rhyming”? I would be glad if you can.

  8. There’s really a poverty of words to express it. But just try and read all of the last stanza out aloud. It doesn’t have the natural flow of other the other stanzas

  9. Lol..@paulbushman Beautiful piece, I take it I’m beginning to envy your style of writing, this is ‘my first’ of your works, I will be watching out for more.
    The poem is wonderful; but has @chime221 pointed out, the last stanza killed it. Read this out gently and carefully:

    I wish you knew
    I wish you cared
    I wish you knew
    I was never “dead”

    Lol, that word just killed the flow, it created another different context entirely. If you had used a word like ‘feared’ or ‘fared’, they would have been better rhymes than ‘dead’ and of course easier to fit in to a poem of this nature. I’m not sure how you might have used them since poetic styles differ from one writer to another, but nextime don’t make it look like you forced rhymes. It seemed that single word was made to make the poem “dead” instead of fooling the writer’s lover. Lol, jst kidding. But seriously, just a forced rhyme can disrupt following suceeding lines. Sometimes it’s for good, sometimes it’s not..(like in this case). I posted a poem last month, (Angel’s gel) and you wouldn’t believe what I wanted to write initially was about butterflies, but then the whole thing just changed when I started writing.
    One thing I would advise you is to refrain as much as possible from explaining your poems and trying to get people who question to understand your plight when you wrote ‘those controversial lines.’ The poet writes, the reader deciphers. That is part of the joy of poetry.
    I agree with @chime221 to an extent but I kinda disagree with him on this one thing; forget about the stanza, the last two lines were my favourite:

    The only thing I wish for now isn’t you
    I just wish this you knew.

    I just love sentences screaming diverse and weird interpretations…

    Well done, bro.
    Keep writing..

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