Today, I had a discussion with my mum which ensued from a phone call she was receiving when I came home from work. I had something to tell her and so while waiting for the call to end to get her attention. I couldn’t help but listen to the conversation.
Apparently, she was pleading with a young man whose wife had ‘mistakenly’ gotten pregnant ‘again’, against his wishes. So he was threatening fire and brimstone if she refused to terminate the pregnancy, as they already had five kids between the ages of 10 years and a few months old and were having serious difficulties providing for them. After much pleading, my mum ended the call and I finally got her attention. Shoving aside the reason why I wanted to see her in the first place, the first question I asked her was; Did the lady get herself pregnant? The ensuing discussion is a story for another day, But it brings me to the issue I’d love to talk about today.
The Nigerian society is a patriarchal one, and intentionally or unintentionally, the odds are skewed more in favor of our men folk, they occupy the majority of the top positions in government and private establishment, they get more attention from parents on issues concerning education or business..After all, we’ve been repeatedly told that our place is in the kitchen; our husband’s kitchen to be precise and then woe betide you if you don’t have one. Although, there has been a recent rise in women participation in government, education, business, enterprise etc, But the numbers are still ridiculously low. Whenever such situations are analyzed it is realized that the few women who ‘rightly’ rose to such enviable positions had put in double the amount of effort men in similar positions had.
The major purpose of this write up is not to stir the deep waters of feminism, far from it. I for one have never fully comprehended the real meaning of the term, so I stay away from it. In fact, I’m an ardent supporter of “the man is the head of the home” movement.
My “beef” here actually is with Us women…the young, the middle aged,all women who continue to allow themselves to be fooled into situations of disrepute and derision by men they claim to love or have feelings for. Excuse me for saying this, but in our beautiful country when two members of the opposite sex (under aged or adult) engage in consensual sexual activities outside marriage, and fortunately or unfortunately it results in a pregnancy. It’s the lady that is cursed, abused, insulted, derided, isolated and Mary magdalinized; as if she did it ALONE.
It’s her schooling or life activity that is put on hold or totally abandoned, because she had the misfortune of getting pregnant. And I ask again ‘’Where is the young man? He carries on without a care in the world, without any disruption in his life and sometimes is even secretly given a pat in the back for being the ‘MAN’.
More worrisome, is the case where a victim of rape is ridiculed for bringing it on herself, she’s the one who walks with her head bowed in shame; not the scoundrels. She’s the one who is prevented from seeking justice, even by her parents and ‘concerned’ friends while the culprit goes scot free.
Stories like these abound. It is based on situations like this and more that I plead with my fellow women, to please be wise. In whatever relationship you’re into business or otherwise; please, use your head. Do not get carried away by material things,assumptions or flimsy promises. In fact, when he’s ‘going low light please use your full lights’. In other words,make use of all your mental faculties,define every relationship and its consequence in clear unambiguous terms. Young ladies face your business…if its education or work or business. Whatever, you are involved in give it your best and do not wait for a man to give you an identity. Young ladies in school, learn to prioritize the most important things at each stage of your life. Go into healthy relationships, and be very communicative…do not assume please. And just like in the story above, even married sisters USE YOUR HEAD too. We’re in Africa and as much as male contraceptive is common too, let’s do all we can to save our marriages. GOD help us all.
Hello guys, What are your thoughts? Constructive criticism will be appreciated too…Thanks